Sunday 9 December 2012

A grumpy man's guide to a better gig experience.

I've been going to gigs for over twenty years now so I feel I have some experience in the area. Allow me to make some suggestions that will benefit everybody.

1. If you are the same age as I am - and especially if you are the same shape  - please keep your t-shirt on.  Nobody needs to see it and the only thing worse than having a sweaty, fat bloke bump into you is colliding with a sweaty, half-naked fat bloke.
2. Deodorant is your friend. Having a shower before you come out is also polite. And a few of you apparently need to learn how to wipe your arse properly .
3. Dear Promoters: Putting on the opening band 5 minutes after the door opens pretty much guarantees that they will play their first couple of songs to the bar staff. Congratulations on wasting everybody's time.
4. Dear local bands:  Ever wondered why you keep seeing the same faces at gigs?  It could be that your mates are the only people who knew you were playing that night. Try putting up a few flyers.
5. Personally I'd like to watch the band rather than engage in a brawl but if you want to mosh, fine by me.   But grabbing some poor sod from the crowd and throwing him into the moshpit is a dick move. As is lobbing your half-drunk pint across the room.Knock it off.
And finally:
6. Dear soundmen at metal gigs: For the love of Dio, please learn how to mix properly. When Spinal Tap talked about turning the volume up to 11 they were joking.  And dialling the bass up until my fillings vibrate does not constitute a well balanced sound.  I'd like to be able to hear something besides the rhythmn section, thank you ever so frigging much.  I'd also quite like to be able to hear anything the next day.

Thank you. Now go away and have fun.

8 comments:

  1. I always used to find it irritating that teams of scientist would study sound, then create as perfect a speaker as they possibly could, with the knowledge of many decades, then some idiot would crank up the base and or treble. There are instances where it needs to be tweaked slightly like turning the treble down a bit in hard enclosures for sound, or the base up a bit when your outside, but I can not think of any instance where all the way up makes sense, well except maybe in outer space.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There's always that one drunk guy that insists on pulling others (usually small girls) into the pit. I'm one of those old guys that takes earplugs to shows now. It really helps when the sound guy doesn't know what he's doing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So it's not just me then. Thank the Holy Badger for that.
    I know Ted Nugent said "If it's too loud you're too old." but Ted Nugent wears a loincloth onstage and hunts things with a bow. His judgement is a bit suspect.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now that my sons are in a local band, I attend a lot of gigs. It's very frustrating to have the venue change the order of the bands at the last minute; sort of disrespectful to the musicians. Also, the sound technician is key...the boys complain bitterly about sound guys that have no idea what they're doing. I always bring earplugs because you never predict the volume situation, and besides, most of the musicians are wearing them, too (albeit, theirs are nice custom earplugs). And, poor old Ted Nugent's simply off his rocker...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. typo... you can never predict the volume situation

      Delete
  5. Agree with absolutely all of that. I got caught up in the middle of a bloody mosh pit that erupted around me when I went to see the Foo Fighters.

    I wanted to punch people!!

    :0)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
  6. Perfectly logical and not grumpy at all! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're a lot of fun :))). Your advice is funny and very useful :). There's nothing grumpy ab you :).

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Labels

#HeavyMetal (246) #TheMetalProject (228) Advice (2) Airboy (2) aircraft (27) album covers (115) Alestorm (2) Andrew j Offutt (1) angels (1) anime (22) AOR (10) art and stuff (28) Attractive women. (98) B-reaction (1) Barbarion (1) Beasty Girls (1) Big D is going to lose his temper in a minute. (4) Big D talks bollocks (36) Big D talks bollocks. (38) Big D talks bollocks. aircraft (2) Black Metal (3) blatant fanservice (154) blatant plug (5) BOLOS (1) Books (49) Boston Wrestling 1964 (1) British comics (21) bunny (1) Buses (3) Captain America (1) carrier bags (1) cars (2) cartoons (12) Catgirl Nuku Nuku (1) Catwoman (1) Change 123 (1) Charleston wrestling 1964 (1) Cheapo DVD Review (75) Children (1) Chingford (1) Christmas (4) Clouds (1) comics (31) Dale rambles about stuff. (1) David Gibbins (1) Dejah Thoris (1) dinosaurs (13) dogs (2) doing stuff badly. (1) Dragonforce (1) dreams (1) DUKW (1) DVD artists are lying bastards (23) Elvis impersonators (1) Eric Roberts will work for food (3) European wrestling 1964 (1) eurovision (20) eurovision Metal Contest (6) fantasy (9) Fathers Day (1) female cyborgs (1) Film (158) films (50) First Squad (1) gardening (1) German Comics (3) Getting started. (1) Ghosts (1) gig (3) Goolie abuse (4) gorgons (1) Grappling Gertie (4) Green Lantern (1) Guest post (2) Hard Gay (1) Harley Quinn (1) Hawkgirl (1) Heavy Metal Artwork Blog (121) Heavy Metal Blog (96) Heavy Metal Cover Girls (95) History (3) Horror (31) Islamic Metal (1) Judge Anderson (2) Kobra And The Lotus. (1) Lawnmower Deth (2) Lesbian Bed Death (2) List (16) Lords Of The Trident (3) Manga (11) marrow fighting (1) Martial Arts (14) Maryland wrestling 1964 (1) massive shoulderpads (1) Matthew Reilly (2) men's issues (6) Merlin (1) metal (329) Metal Christmas (1) Metal songs about metal (229) mimi hagiwara (1) MinamICon (1) Mind Wars (1) models (19) monkeys (2) Monsters Of Rock (2) MRAs (1) museums (8) music (31) music from the weird aprt of Youtube (3) music from the weird part of Youtube (2) music that gets under my skin. (2) Neil Peart RIP. (1) Nice cover (2) Nicholas Eames. (1) Night Fighters (1) Nightside (1) Noot noot (1) NWOBHM (3) Oatcakes (1) Olympics (1) photos (3) pinup (1) ponies (6) Portsmouth (13) Power Girl (2) power metal (1) puroresu (2) Rain (1) rant (19) Redheads (7) Roswell Conspiracies (2) rules (2) Sci-Fi (45) sexy witches (6) shame about the book. (2) Sharktopus (1) Sigismund (1) silliness (1) Southsea (15) Southsea Food Festival 2022 (1) spiders (1) Spitfires (4) Sport is bollocks (1) Starblazer (1) Stockings (1) Storm Eunice 2022 (1) Story (9) Strike Witches (1) Strip magazine (1) Stuff with armoured cars (1) Stuff with axemurdering lumberjacks (1) Stuff with B36 Bombers (1) Stuff with big flying lizards (12) Stuff with Black Metal Catgirls (1) Stuff with blokes in kilts. (2) stuff with cute banshees. (2) Stuff with enormous birds (1) Stuff With Flying Fruit (1) Stuff with Giant Crabs. (3) Stuff with giant Germans singing about sausage. Music from the weird part of Youtube. (1) Stuff with Girls In Eyepatches (3) Stuff with Gladiators (8) stuff with kickboxing teachers. (1) Stuff with killer cricketers (1) Stuff with Killer Rabbits (1) stuff with killer snails (1) Stuff With Killer Unicorns (1) stuff with Maoris (1) Stuff with mermaids (1) Stuff with Nazi Vampires (3) Stuff with Ninjas (3) Stuff with Psycho Coppers (1) Stuff with Robot Maids (1) Stuff with Roller Derby (1) stuff with rollerskating Muses (1) Stuff with soulsucking mummies. (2) Stuff with strippers (3) Stuff with talking statues (2) Stuff with Vikings (3) Stuff with violent clowns (1) Stuff With Walking Fish (2) Stuff with weird Kiwis (1) Stuff with werewolves (5) Stuff with Wolves (1) stuffed animals (1) Stupid films about sharks (10) Synthwave (4) tanks (5) Tarkan (1) Taya Valkyrie (1) Terrible Metal Album Covers (28) Terrible songs (1) Terry Pratchett. (1) The Band (1) The Hangover pt 2 (1) The Lost Fleet (1) The Metal Project (226) Thundercats (1) Ticket Tales. (1) Top Ten (6) Toy soldiers (9) Truffle (1) Turkish films (2) Ultimate Metal Playlist (9) Valentine (2) Valkyrie (2) Vampires (8) videos (1) voyager (1) War Films (4) Warships (1) weird crushes (5) weird shit (7) White Pigeon (1) women in blindfolds (2) Women with Scythes (1) women with spears (5) women with swords (52) women with wings (7) women's wrestling (50) womens wrestling comics (13) womens' wrestling movies. (1) Wrestling (33) Wrestling Books (5) Wrestling Magazines (15) wrestling October 1964 (1) WTF? Japan (10) WW2 (1) Yamato (2) you do this shit deliberately don't you? (1) Zombie Films (6)