Friday 19 July 2013

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Metal Goddesses.

   For this latest selection of  metallic pulchritude, we find ourselves contemplating a selection of  deities, which may explain why they are more elegantly dressed than usual.
  As anybody with a cursory awareness of Greek mythology will tell you, even the Goddesses who are supposed to be "good" can still throw a spectacular shit-fit if annoyed. 
 And they get annoyed quite a lot...

 The Mystery - Apocalypse 666 (Germany 2012)


Woman destroying city
 Lucra, Goddess of Banking, is displeased with the current financial climate. 


 Nemesis - Goddess Of Revenge (Czech. Rep 2003)


album cover goddess
For a goddess of revenge our cover star seems to be in a remarkably chipper mood.
Then again, she has just sent an entire city plunging to the depths of the ocean.
If you're going to knock down a temple, the one for the Goddess of Revenge is probably not your best bet.

Incidentally, "Woman plus waves" does seem to be a popular album theme.

Infinity - Son Of  Infinite (Italy 2006)

sea goddess album cover.


Etherna - S/T (Italy 2008)

woman and waves cd cover
And they all seem to go to the same fashion designer too. 
Unfortunately none of them were aware of this until they all arrived at Poseidon's party and realised they were wearing nearly identical outfits. 
The result was three coastal cities having to hurriedly evacuate and a certain dressmaker being eaten by The Kraken.

Highlord - Medusa's Coil (Italy 2004)

Album cover medua
I know. Medusa isn't technically a goddess but since she's currently wrapping burning chains around the Earth,
 I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Cruella - Vengeance is Mine (USA 1989)

goddess destroying city album cover
Poor Cruella could never understand why nobody wanted to pray to her. 
Then one day some brave soul expained it to her. "You're called Cruella. It kinda puts people off. 
Well that, and that thing you do where you lose your shit and incinerate half a city"
These days Cruella tries to keep her temper in check  but sometimes things just set her off.
Giant seahorses for instance. They're not even proper horses, dammit.

And finally, all the covers so far have been fairly classy so let's lower the tone a bit.

 Black Messiah - First War of The World (Germany 2009)
giant topless woman fighting Vikings.
Why is a giant, topless woman fighting Vikings?
 
Well the album seems to be a concept piece about Germanic mythology so my guess is,
 a gang of Norsemen got lost and accidentally woke up one of the local deities when she was having a nap.
 Furious at being disturbed, she set about them in a rage and it was only
 afterwards that she realised that she'd forgotten to put her dress back on.  
That might explain why, during the battle, the Vikings seemed a wee bit distracted...

Anyway, that's all folks.


6 comments:

  1. What a spoilsport BigD!
    `Why is a giant topless woman fighting vikings?' Does it really matter?
    Cheers, ic

    (Mmm...just noticed the distorted google code word allowing me to post was `ntitlex'. Do you think I'm reading too much into it?)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Indeed, in order to avoid a catastrophic Fashion 911, these similarly-dressed goddesses should definitely avoid associating with one another. Lucra, Medusa, Cruella, and Giant Topless Woman would make cool replacements for the Sex & The City chicks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I have to admit, I might be more inclined to watch the show in that case.

      "On this week's episode of "Goddesses And the City" Lucra discovers that one of the statues in Medusa's back garden is the ex who disappeared mysteriously, Cruella's date goes horribly wrong when the restaurant double-books their table - If your date has just seen you incinerate the Maitre D will he still ring you back? - and the girls try to explain to Giant Topless Woman why brassieres are a great idea."

      Delete
  3. I'd be as distracted as the Vikings in that last one. Love the Apocalypse 666 one, and the Nemesis I know I've seen that artwork somewhere else, I just can't place it at the moment.

    ReplyDelete

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