Monday, 25 September 2017

Taya Valkyrie in Impact Wrestling

(Sorry I haven't updated for a while. Life kept getting in the way.) 

   I have to admit, when I heard that Taya Valkyrie was coming to Impact/GFW/Whatever it is this week I perked up somewhat. 
   I've been thinking for a while that the Knockouts Dvision desperately needed some more depth, especially since half their current roster doesn't actually wrestle that much.  Taryn Terell has only done run-ins, Allie mainly does mixed matches or backstage stuff and poor Laurel Van Ness has spent recent months alternatively insane, acting as arm candy for Kongo Kong or being courted by Grado.  I wonder if she's upset somebody... 

  So having a statuesque, bona-fide Lucha Libre star rock up in the Impact Zone could only be a positive thing. I'm already looking forward to some fun matches against Rosemary and with a bit of luck Taya Valkyrie will bump into Sienna at some point down the line. 

There's just one thing I have an issue with and I acknowledge it's a bit petty. 

Taya's ring gear.

Not all of it though. The robes are awesome, perfectly suiting the Warrior Queen look she's going for. And I like the one-piece leotard which makes more sense to me than the crop-top & shorts Rave Gear that's the vogue these days.  The only bit I have an issue with is what's on her feet.

 Sorry Taya but much as I think you're awesome, I really don't like the Neanderthal legwarmers you're rocking here. Don't they slow you down at all?

  Please don't track me down and hurt me.

I'll leave with one final thought.

Look at this picture.

 One of these women is a much-loved babyface. If you don't follow Impact Wrestling, can you work out which is which?

Hint: it's the woman with a skull for a face.

Wrestling gets strange sometimes. 

That's all folks. 

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: A Whiter Shade of Pale

   Heavy Metal Cover Girls is a semi-regular feature where I post Metal/Rock CD covers that share a common theme. They also feature attractive young women who may or may not be wearing clothing. This is purely coincidental. 

  The theme today is all about colour or rather the lack of it. 

One of the things I've made several posts about is the way artists use colour to make an impact and to play into established  tropes. Red for the little girl lost in the woods. Black for the dangerous outsider. White for the virgin in peril. You get the idea. 
 But what about taking that idea a little further? What about using white and then making it as white as you can get? 

 All the covers today aren't about women wearing white, they're about women who are so white of skin and hair  that it becomes almost inhuman. 

Ancient Myth - Aberration "Pt1" (Japan 2016)

pale skinned women artwork
 Damn that's a big monocle. 

Catharsis- Prima Scripto Demo (Russia 2003)

Metal album art women
 Technically this is white with a greenish tint.
However her eyes are white as are certain other bits on prominent display. 

One of the things you're going to be seeing a lot is that when out heroines have white skin, they have a lot of white skin. 

Architects of Agony- Down The Rabbit Hole (USA 2016)

Heavy metal cover girls
That's not remotely creepy, is it? 
It's basically 50 Shades Of Wonderland. 

The band have a homepage here:

Dreadful Minds - Love / Hate /Lies (Germany 2014)

The artwork is quite simple but I quite like the way it gets over the message and I find myself asking "What's the story here?" 
Is the card in her hand for her or for the viewer?

Snake-o-phobics look away now. 

Red Queen - Star Blood (USA 2016)
Not a lot of red on display here. 
Also, Jesus Christ the snakes, man. The freaking snakes!

Ahem. Now I've stopped shivering, you have to admit that is a very striking image.
Hints of Classical Statuary maybe? 

Band homepage here:

 Sex & Sin - Mother's Therapy (USA 2016)

   Whereas the inspiration for this bit of artwork is easier to work out.

Picture sourced from

I have no idea what the cover has to do with Mothers or therapy but that's common with these covers. 

It actually fits the music quite well as Sex & Sin are a  reformed 80s Hair Metal crew. 
Check them out here:

Opus Arise - Revelation (Canada 2016)

Albino naturist accidentally finds herself in Hell. Is naturally startled. 

Speaking of hell...

Cruenta Lacrymis - Sweetness and Blasphemy (Italy 2015)

White definitely not representing purity here. 
This is more the white of things that live in the dark, deep underground.
I can feel her blind eyes staring into my soul. 

That's all folks.  

Saturday, 2 September 2017

DVD Review: Batman And Harley Quinn

  When Poison Ivy and rogue Tree-spirit Jason Woodrue break into S.T.A.R Labs to steal some biowarfare research, Batman and Nightwing have to track the flowery duo down before they can unleash mayhem on the world. 
   To do that, they need to enlist the help of somebody who knows Ivy better than anyone. 

 Unfortunately that somebody is Harley Quinn.  

  This DVD is a pleasant surprise to those of us who have happy memories of the old DCAU cartoons - Batman: TAS, Superman and Justice League - as it uses the signature stylised animation style and witty dialogue of the "Diniverse"

 As a useful bonus, Harley is the loudmouthed, fruitcake we know and love, rather than the darker-edged psycho of recent media.

  Since the writers are well aware that their DCAU audience is now older, they use the DVD format to push the envelope just a little bit. There's a couple of low-level naughty words, more graphic violence and then there's this ...

Harley underwear.

     It gets even less kiddie-friendly after this, believe me. 

  I loved this DVD. The cast are all excellent, especially Kevin Conroy who may be the definitive Batman.  There's plenty of action, plenty of funny bits and some developments that the writers clearly threw in for the hell of it. The oddball team-up of Batman, Nightwing and Harley is marvellous in itself and serves as a springboard for more fun-times.

   I think I made this face a few times. Minus the boobie-shake obviously. 

  Why's Harley looking so pleased with herself? 

Oh God. That's why.

  Batman suggests you buy this DVD. Or else.  

  To sum up: if you loved  the DCAU, loved Harley Quinn and want to see a DC movie that isn't grim and a slog to watch then check out Batman and Harley Quinn. 

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