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Sunday, 31 January 2021

Heavy Metal Cover Girls... And Wolves

 An ongoing series in which I post a bunch of album covers that share a theme, even if only loosely.

The fact that they all tend to feature underdressed young women  is neither here nor there.  

 

Heavy Metal loves badass animals.

Dragons, sharks, lions and tigers and bears, oh my. 

  But in this edition of HMCG we're looking at an animal that has a complicated relationship with humans. They look like Mans Best Friend but aren't. Sometimes they are depicted as relentless monsters, sometimes clever and sophisticated hunters and represent The Wild in a way that most animals don't.   We think they are gorgeous but at the same time, when you're lost in the woods the last thing you want to hear is the howl of a wolf echoing through the trees.  

 

  Pergamum - The Promise (Australia 2011)

 Here the wolf is definitely on the sinister side. The deliberate allusion to Red Riding Hood suggests the promise in question is "I will eat your spleen."

 

Bad Ambition - Daydream (Italy 2000)

                             "Don't mind me. I'm just chilling here in my leather bikini with some local wildlife."

                                        Meanwhile the head wolf is like "Who are you even talking to?"  

 

Preludium Fury - Kingdom of Hope (USA 2020)

Admittedly her wolf-fur cape initially made things awkward but the pair grew past that to become friends. 


Lovebites - Awakening from Abyss (Japan 2017)

Human woman and giant-ass wolf are also on good terms in this cover. The wolf isn't quite sure how that happened or why everything is on fire.  Something tells me it's not the wolf you need to watch out for. 


Icri's Witch - In for The Kill (USA 1996)

          Wolves definitely not friendly in this one. Well not to anybody who isn't a witch, anyway.

                   I think we'd better run away now.   

 

  That's All folks.

 

Thursday, 21 January 2021

Story: The Summoning

This is something I came up with for the subreddit /r/HFY but I figured i might as well post it here too. 

The Summoning.

 The full moon shone brightly in a cloudless, midnight sky. It’s silvery light poured down through a carefully placed aperture in the roof and illuminated the chamber near bright as day.

 It shone on the stone flags, etched with ancient runes. It shone on the intricate geometric shapes painstakingly painted on the stones in rare oils and…other liquids. It shone on the young woman sprawled on a stone table just outside of the shapes and runes, making her soft white skin so much more pale that she seemed like a bright goddess. A goddess in a torn silk shift and bound in unsightly hempen ropes. And the moon light fell most strongly on the man stood under the very centre of the gap in the roof, directly under the waterfall of silvery light. 

The wizard Parrek, Sorceror of the 8th and highest rank, Councillor and terror of Kings, was a tall man, pale and severe of face, so thin he was barely more than a skeleton and it was the way his flesh sat meagrely upon the bones of his face that had given him his by-name. Parrek The Ghastly. 

Now Parrek raised his long, skeletal arms, the sleeves of his satin robes sliding away like water. In his left hand was a staff of ebony crowned by the skull of a being not of this world; in his right a gem of glowing emerald, large as an elephant’s heart. He had been chanting since the sun fell below the horizon but now he was coming to the final verses and his harsh, rasping tones rose to a shout as he threw his summons out into the void. 

At the centre of the magical circle something stirred the air. Ripples of colour formed and faded and formed again all the stronger. 

The air began to rip apart as a window was created. It grew wider and Parrek saw that beyond it was a realm of smoke and roaring flames. The air filled with the scents of sulphur and foulness and the stench caused the maiden on the table to cough and stir. Her eyes opened. She saw the impossible thing at the centre of the circle and her eyes widened with horror. Yet her screams were muffled by the roaring of flames and the half-yard of silk wrapped around her lower face. Some wizards enjoyed the screams of women but Parrek preferred to work without a headache.

 Parrek allowed himself a nod of satisfaction. The conjuration as good. All was good. 

Something floated beyond the window now. A dark, amorphous shape that was vague but for one giant, shining yellow eye.

 Parrek raised his staff higher and cried. “By the ancient ritual of Mal-Kiir I summon you to this world to work your powers for my needs”

 The thing beyond the window in the air spoke and its voice was the sound of wet entrails sliding across blood-slick stones, the sound of flies buzzing around a dying dog, the sound of a dozen foul things at once and yet separate.  

“NO” 

Parrek stared at the being, jaw agape. Then he remembered his rank of 8th Circle of Sorcery and he gritted his teeth . He spoke the words of summoning once again 

“By the ancient ritual of Mal-Kiir I…” 

“NO!” the being cut him off, louder this time. “I said No” 

Parrek resisted the urge to dig a long-nailed finger into his right ear and wiggle it about. He hurriedly glanced about the chamber. The moon was still shining brightly, the runes and markings were correct, he was *sure* the words were correct. This was unfathomable. He cleared his throat and asked “I have performed the ritual as it is laid down. All is correct. Is there an enchantment keeping you from our world? “ 

The beings eye – of which it only seemed to have one – rolled a little “I don’t want to.” 

“What do you mean ‘You don’t want to?’ You’re a demon, you are always seeking to come to this plane and cause evil.” Parrek demanded, too cross to pick his words with care. 

“Well I don’t want to. Visiting your poxy world is not all it’s cracked up to be.” 

Parrek waved a skeletal arm in the direction of the young woman on the table who was now trying to sit up but at the same time avoid falling out of her ragged nightgown. “I have a here a beautiful maiden of the noblest lineage for you to dine upon. Do her flesh and spirit not tempt you?”

 The demonic eye flickered and came to rest upon the maiden. “Boring. Maidens have no flavour and she’s a little too fatty for my taste.” 

There was a thrashing from the table. The woman’s eyes bulged in rage as she tried to break free again. Even through the gag Parrek was sure he could hear her screaming something that sounded a lot like “ Uuu MmUuuvvuurrrFkkkker” 

If anything she didn’t seem to be frightened anymore. 

“So why don’t you want to obey my summons - exactly?”

 There was a sense of the amorphous being fidgeting and when it spoke again it sounded almost …sullen.

 “Your realm is too bloody dangerous.”

 “You what?” Parrek almost threw back his head and laughed before he remembered that chickenshit thought it might be, this was still a being of power. 

Too bloody dangerous, I said” and the voice rose again in a rage. “Every time I come over it goes horribly wrong. If it isn’t a bloody white wizard interfering then it’s some barely-sentient, Northern ape with a sword forged from a comet and I end up getting hurt. Your entire realm is full of violent headbangers” 

A tendril pushed through the window between words. Dead white flesh rippling with sharp hooks flailed about for a moment before pulling back.  

“Do you have any idea how long it takes to grow a tentacle back? Centuries! Centuries, I tell you.” 

Parrek glanced up at his skylight. The moonlight was already fading as the shining orb overhead drifted past on it’s eternal circuit. Soon it would no longer shine through the aperture and the books had been very clear about moonlight being vital. 

Of course the books had said nothing about a demon throwing a hissy fit. 

“Oh alright. Piss off then. I’ll just wait another month and get one of your infernal brethren to do my bidding.” 

A deep, raspjng chuckle came through the portal. “Good luck with that, pal, the word is out and your plane of naked monkeys is off the travel list.” 

The tentacle popped through once again, made what was almost certainly a rude gesture and slipped back just before the window slammed shut with a boom that rattled Parrek’s teeth. 

Just then there was a cough from behind him, and this was a problem because Parrek’s tower was supposed to be sealed. 

The wizard’s shoulders slumped and he turned around. A barbarian was standing there scratching his head. In one hand was a sword made of something that glowed with a sapphire sheen. Of course. 

The barbarian gave him a shrug and a small smile “You’re not having a good day, are you, wizard?” and for a moment Parrek considered blasting him with arcane fire. 

But it been a long night and he was so very, very tired. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder “There’s the girl. Her virtue is intact, or at least I didn’t do anything to it. Take her and go away.”

 Once she was cut free the maiden tried to stab him with a piece of whale bone and the barbarian confiscated the giant green gem but otherwise, the next ten minutes could have gone worse.

 When they had finally gone, Parrek the Ghastly, Sorceror Of The 8th rank, councillor and Terror of Kings sat on the stone table and had a bit of a cry.

Sunday, 17 January 2021

The Metal Project: Welcome To 2021

 

 Hello and welcome to the first Metal Project post of 2021.  Today I will be digging into my vault and pulling out some stuff I've been meaning to post for a while. As always, I hope you find something to like. 

  It says a lot that I'm not always sure whether a band are taking the piss or not.  However this Brazilian bunch are known for their satirical work. That doesn't mean the song is bad though. Far from it.


Mamonas Assassinas - Debil Metal  (Brazil 1995)

Credit to: Kikuku94


Battleheart - Heavy Metal Pirates (UK 2006)

If this sounds familiar that would be because Battleheart would evolve into Alestorm a year later.

 

Credit to: Øyvind Lie


Arma - Metal Punk Attack (Brazil 2015)


Credit to: Satan

 

Voor - Evil Metal (Canada 1985)

Credit to: Mr. Liktorn
 

This last song I'm a bit dubious about posting just in case they turn out 

to be NSBM instead of nihilists just going for shock effect. 

Hellbomb - Black Metal Gestapo (Russia 2015)


Credit to: FB Metal Groups 5

Please visit and support the channels linked below each song. 

That's All Folks


 

Saturday, 9 January 2021

BigD Builds A Tomahawk (pt 3)

 The story so far:  The author decides to build a P40 Tomahawk in the colours of the WW2 Turkish Airforce and is lulled into a false sense of security. Now read on. 

 

I'd been doing pretty well up to this point. I hadn't broken anything, lost anything, put a part in upside down or come close to yeeting the kit across the room. 

Time to apply some paint. I usually put some on at this stage, before I have to add anything like airscrews, exhaust stubs or undercarriage.  I find it easier to get those painted separately and apply once the fuselage is dry. 

  I'm not entirely sure I got the shade of green right but getting the right shade was going to be awkward, what with the shops being locked down  so I went for my old favourite. "Close enough - and nobody but me is every gonna look at it anyway."

 

Then i tried puttting the undercarriage on and for the first time I hit problems.   

Problem #1. The pegs on the landing struts were too big for the holes on the wheels. I had to break out the Stanley knife and do some hacking and drilling. 

Problem#2. The landing struts are quite delicate. My fingers aren't. Naturally I ended up snapping one of the damn struts and getting that fixed took some time and swearing. 

Problem#3. While I was grappling with the lnding gear I managed to knock one of the wing guns off. Good luck finding that on my kitchen floor.  And every time I managed to get a replacement fitted, the next time I had at the undercarriage I knocked the damn gun off again. 

                      See if you can spot the gunbarrel I had to impovise out of a spare bit of plastic. 

 

Once I got all that sorted - and believe me, it was a fraught, aggravating experience - I added the canopy and exhausts.

 

  I think that canopy is supposed to be flush with the fairing but whatever. 

After painting the underside I applied the decals and called my P40 finished.



                                                 It is a very striking colour scheme, isn't it?

 

As always I have mixed feeligns about the end result. I can't help feeling that it could ahve gone better and it sure as hell doesn't look as pretty as everybody elses' kits seem to come out.  Oh well.

 

Then again, I'm glad I got it finished and I did get several hours enjoyment doing something that didn't involve a screen  so I'm going to call this one a productive use of my time. 

 

That's All Folks


 

Monday, 4 January 2021

Big D Builds A Tomahawk (pt 2)

 Disclaimer: I am rubbish at building models.

 If you are aftter tips or even anything resembling competence you will be disappointed. 

 
The story so far: Big D decides to build a P40 Tomahawk in Turkish markings but has to go get some more brushes first. Now read on. 
 
This is the first kit I've ever done  where step#1 is to glue the fuselage together. 
Step 2: Assemble the cockpit and glue it to the lower wing assembly.
 I always have trouble with cockpits thanks to all the fiddly pieces but at elat this way i don't have to try and get the damn thing to align properly with the fuselage sides. You just slot the fueslage and this assembly together/ Nice.
 
Step #3. Join fuselage and upper & lower wings, making sure the wings hae the right ihedral. For this I used a cunning, home-made jig. 


 It's not stupid if it works. 
 
Added the tailplanes and rudder and I reckon it's looking good so far. 


Up to this point the Airfix P40 has been nice and easy to assemble with minimal fiddling, filing or swearing.  That will change.