Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

 It's the 4th of July weekend and the New Jersey town of Seaside Heights is getting ready to party, none more so than local Guidos  Donnie, Balzac and The Complication (TC).
  Meanwhile a building project up the coast has bent more than a few rules and in the process attracted the attention of  several rare and particularly vicious sharks. 
  Now people are getting eaten and the authorities don't want to know. Can TC and his bros stop the sharks from turning Seaside Heights into their own all-you-can-chomp buffet?

 I blame my brother for this one. I was chatting to him the other day and when the subject drifted onto "Crap films"  a few titles came up.
 "Hang on a minute" I told him. "What was that last one again?"
"Jersey Shore Shark Attack?
"That's the one. You realise I now have to see this, don't you."
"You know it's going to be shite, don't you."
"I know." I said wearily. I seem to remember him calling me a pillock and the conversation sort of petered out.

 If I were to describe this film in one sentence it would be: "Orange people versus Sharks", the idea being to make a shark movie that also spoofed MTV's "Jersey Shore" (Which, incidentally I've never watched because watching obnoxious morons shout at each other doesn't entertain me.)

  And they're not exactly subtle about it either:

 

 

 

   At this point, I have two questions: Are people supposed to be that colour 

and what are those girls doing with their lips, exactly?

Does it surprise anybody to know that this is a SyFy original?  Any doubt is erased once the sharks appear on screen.

  We've had Super Sharks, Sand Sharks and Two-headed Sharks. 

Albino sharks are a bit boring, really.

  Thing is, the films being lampooned are already ludicrous and usually tongue in cheek anyway so there's not much you can do to add comedy. The writers didn't exactly go out of their way to add gags either. Possibly they were thinking the concept of  Guidos vs Sharks would be funny enough.
 However, if you treat this as just another Stupid Shark Movie then there's all the usual fun to be had;

Mocking the effects for starters

Donnie is about to give a foam rubber shark a right shoeing.

  Then there's mocking the bits blatantly nicked from Jaws ("Hey, let's not bother telling anybody about the sharks. Don't want to scare the tourists." and yet another variant on "Smile, you son of a bitch.") and pointing out the frequent moments of utter stupidity. (New Jersey Police Stations apparently leave their armoury unlocked so anybody can wander in and help themselves.)

  Weirdly enough, I actually found myself warming to TC and his crew as the film went on. They might be dumb as wildebeest and unnatural in colour but they do sort of come across as OK people.

 To sum up, this is not a good film but if you get a kick out of watching stupid people get eaten by bad CGI sharks then Jersey Shore Shark Attack might entertain you for an hour or so.

 Now for some screencaps;

 Wet t-shirt contest. Just because.

 Nooki expresses her disapproval of such antics.

Dear gods, you could use her earrings to moor boats. 

Some rich WASPs show up to mock the locals.

A fat man has a bit of a fishing mishap.

Rich preppie wonders how Nooki fits into those trousers without 

a shoehorn and a good fistful of vaseline.

 Preppie chick wonders who the orange girl in the spandex pants is

 

"You need to stay out o the water 'cos of all the sharks. Hey. nice boobs." 

Strangely, this warning is ignored. It's like she couldn't take him seriously for some reason. 

Here's the trailer if you're interested. 

That's all folks.