Terrible Metal Album Covers - Chapter 15.

 When I sat down at the keyboard a moment ago I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to post about.  I did have this vague plan to talk about PE Teachers (and why they all need to be nailed to the door of their own gym) but I'm still working on my arguments.
 So until then, here's a fistful of album covers that might, in some parallel universe, be considered a valid artistic statement.
 Just not in this one.
Usual caveat applies: Terrible artwork does not mean terrible band.

 Shylock - Devotion (Germany 2007)

On the positive side if this album had come out 20 years ago you'd get a badly drawn French maid

getting cozy with a badly drawn Speaker-Man instead of dubious poser creativity.

 Anybody else thinking this looks like one of the sillier villains from The Tick?

 Chairface Chippendale's rocker cousin, maybe. 

Memo to self: When we're done here, remind me to go look for some episodes of the Tick cartoon. That series was brilliant.

 Ahem. 

Another band that's technically not Heavy Metal but screw it.  

Salute - Heart Of The machine (Sweden 2010)

More proof that technology just gave people brand new ways to create terrible things.

V/A Rave On Hits Hard (Netherlands 1985)

Three off-duty fetish models gatecrash a party. Please don't ask me why they have a horse.

The answer will probably be disturbing. 

On the subject of disturbing, the young lady to the left of the pic (in the interesting trousers)

seems to have her head replaced by a conker. 

And the brunette stripper really needs to get some new shoes. They're worn right through, poor thing. 

Death - Symbolic (USA 1995)

The late Chuck Schuldiner is rightfully regarded as a pioneer of Death Metal, an innovator who took it into new areas and a gifted musician. 

This album cover is still a bit rubbish though.  

Bad Steve - Killing the Night (Germany 1985)

Killing the night...with an unplugged,guitar, a pained scream and

some trousers that offend my eyes. 

Except it's broad daylight numbnuts!

Metal Church - Hanging In The Balance (USA 1993)

I'd love to know how much damage this abomination did to Metal Church's career.

Oh dearie, dearie me.

And lastly

Druid - Vampire Cult (USA 1989)

I think the artist was going for "Menacing" but accidentally came up with the cheeriest vampire-cult axe murderer in history. I also  don't really get why they are rocking the topknot look or why there is a really big skull parked in the corner for no apparent reason.

That's all folks.