Film: Is Sharknado (2013) The Ultimate Stupid Shark Movie?

Starring

Tara Reid

Ian Zeiring

John Heard

Chuck Hittinger

Audrey Peeples

Cassie Scerbo

and

Jaason Simmons

(Yes, it is spelt like that)

  When a Hurricane begins battering at California, it's not just the wind and the rain that's dangerous. With the flooding comes a horde of ravenous sharks, swimming through the streets of LA. 
 Surfer-turned bartender Fin finds himself struggling through the shark-infested floodwaters to rescue his ex-wife and daughter.  Except it's not just the sharks in the streets he needs to worry about.
 Hurricane David stopped off along the way to scoop up some friends and now it is literally raining sharks.

  Picture the scene. It's the boardroom of low-low-budget monster-movie specialists The Asylum. The day has been long. Ties have been loosened and everybody has drunk too much coffee and eaten too many bad doughnuts.
 The air is tense and stinks of armpits.
  And that's when the CEO rises to his feet and tells his troops  "It's time to take this thing of ours to the next level. We need to push the envelope. We need to need to make the movie that will blow our rivals away forever. We...need... an..IDEA!"
"How about sharks? We're good at sharks." says a hesitant voice.
The CEO nods. "Good. But not good enough. How can we take shark films in a new direction?"
 One of the writers stands, swaying slightly, his eyes crazed from caffeine and sugar  "Tornado" he croaks before toppling over.
 The rest of the team stare at his twitching body "Did he just say...Tornado"
The CEO roars in triumph. "Yes" he bellows "Yes! A tornado with sharks in it. A...Sharknado!"
 He levels a nicotine stained finger at his boys "Or next project is "Sharknado". Make it so."

  Let me show you a rough approximation of what my face looked like when I heard about this film:

 "...dafuq?"

  Obviously I had to see it.

So it is any good?

  Not by any conventional definition, no. Then again, this is a movie about a tornado full of frigging sharks.  Normal rules do not apply.
  There's plenty of available targets for the budding snarker. Let's have a look at a few.
1. The sharks are badly CGI'd, rarely the same size in any two consecutive shots and yes Asylum,  I did spot the stock footage you snuck in to try and pad things out.
2. Continuity is a bit ropy to say the least. Enormous waves pop up out of nowhere but then vanish again for the next shot. The heroes end up fighting a shark in somebody's flooded living room but then outside there's barely a puddle. Said flood being even more baffling considering we've already established that this house is in Beverley Hills and presumably quite high up.
3. Fin's wife and kid, once saved, proceed to act like obnoxious assholes. I particularly loved  the bit where they complained about Fin taking time out to rescue somebody from a painful death.
4. The big plan is, just for a change not "Let's lure all the sharks to here and blow the shit out of them". It's actually stupider than that. Explosives still involved, mind you.

On the plus side:
1. Fin and his posse - surfer Baz, sharkphobic barmaid Nova and barfly George-  are easy to like and the acting is usually OK.
2. There are a few snarky lines peppered throughout to stop things getting too serious.
3.  Some of the deaths are ...creative.
4. And there is a certain satisfaction to be had from seeing our heroes trying to get a ravening shark off the roof of their car.

 Weirdly, considering the subject matter, "Sharknado" mostly plays like a regular disaster movie, albeit one with sudden outbreaks of shark. The cast treat the whole affair seriously and there's even an attempt at a little family drama. It's cack-handed  but it's there.
  Shortly afterwards Fin ends up battling flying sharks with a chainsaw. And to be honest I think I wanted to see a bit more of that sort of thing. I enjoyed it but....
 Or to put it another way: "Sharknado" isn't actually silly enough.

  If you like stupid Creature Features you will probably like "Sharknado" but The Asylum haven't quite managed to make the Ultimate Stupid Shark Movie.
  Hold that thought though. Because The Asylum are already talking about "Sharknado 2".
And we all know how sequels work. Bigger, bloodier and more of everything.
The dream may yet come true. 
 Anyway, here's the trailer.

That's all folks.