Terrible Metal Album Covers Chapter 19 (NSFW)

  If I were to describe today's motley collection of misguided artwork it would be "Heavy Metal Cover Girls - Done Badly"
 Some fail through lack of artistic talent. Some fail through being tacky beyond belief.

You have been warned.

Conquest - Wicked Ways (USA 1993)

She's like one of those girls you see in glamour shots sometimes. Trying to look sexy but so obviously deeply uncomfortable. And if there's anybody out there that's got a better knowledge of anatomy than me - are torsos supposed to be triangular?

Exodo - The New Babylon (Spain 1988)

 I do think our chariot-riding redhead ought to be paying a bit more attention. The ground is looking awfully close...
 A cover that doesn't look too bad until you look closer.

The Tung Bandits (USA 1990)

 I just showed this cover to David Coverdale and The Scorpions and they told me to tell you that this cover is tacky as fuck. Congratulations. 

Steelover - Glove Me (Belgium 1984)

 I couldn't quite work out why this cover seemed "off" somehow until I looked at her mouth closely. 

I think she's supposed to be a vampire but she just comes across as having an unfortunate overbite. 

Sinner - Fast Decision (Germany 1983)

 Xanthippe, Warrior Queen of Pelagia, liked to spend her evenings by slaughtering male strippers then staring into her fabled "Mirror That Makes You Look Like A Dead Monkey Skull"

Sadly while she was thus distracted one night, she failed to notice that her palace had been set on fire by disgruntled citizens and Xanthippe found herself throneless, homeless and mirrorless.

In a cruel reversal of fate, she now works at the Tanelorn Hooters Restaurant.

Incidentally if I ever get round to doing that "Album covers featuring Butts"  post Sinner are guaranteed a slot on there. Maybe even two.

Magic Kingdom - The Arrival (Belgium 1999)

What's worse than letting your mate do the album art?

Letting your mate use cheap Poser software to create your cover art?

Unless you are deliberately trying to look like a Sega Megadrive game, this cover is just pitiful.

Dakesis - Trial By Fire (Uk 2011)

 Potentially a good album cover ruined by one small thing.

The artist got her head horribly wrong. 

It can't just be me that thinks this, surely?

A quick search on Youtube turns up a promising Power Metal outfit.

That's all folks.

And you should have seen some of the ones I decided not to use. 

See you next time.