The Greatest Ultimate Classic Driving Rock Collection Of Destiny Ever (with extra guitars)

  Have you ever been poking through the CD rack in your local supermarket, seen one of those "Rock!" compilations on sale and found yourself asking "Who the hell buys these things?"

I suspect your opinion of me is about to go sharply downhill because I'm afraid the answer is...

 "Me. I buy these things"

 Have you seen the Mel Gibson film "Conspiracy Theory"? If you have then you might remember that Mels' character Jerry Fletcher is compelled to buy a  copy of "Catcher In The Rye" whenever he sees one. (Hint: it's not because that's such a great book)

I'm like that with generic rock compilations. I find myself drawn to them like a drunk lurching  towards a kebab shop at 1am. In the morning there will be regret but for now, there is only THE NEED!

Behold my shame. 

  This is only a partial selection. Bear in mind that the trend these days is for 3 CD sets so I wouldn't have been able to fit them all in shot anyway.  If I'd included all the specifically "Metal" compilations, they'd have covered my kitchen floor. Throw in magazine freebies and I'd need to use next door's kitchen floor as well. 

  Why I keep buying "RAWK NOW" compilations continues to baffle me. As a general rule of thumb, the tracklisting can be divided into 4 categories. At least 3 will be present at any time. 

1. Songs that have been way, way overused but get played on radio 2 so people recognise them.

(More Than A Feeling, Hold The Line, Final Countown, ) It is entirely possible to buy CDs that are 90% identical to the one you bought last month. 

2. The compiler had made a halfhearted attempt to put in some variety  but had to go with stuff available cheaply and that people who like category 1 may also have heard of.. (Thunder, Autograph, Warrant) 

3. A cynical attempt at snagging some of the younger market. Younger being a relative term. (Spin Doctors, The Darkness, Nickelback, Faith No More) What you're aiming for is older rock fans that try to keep up with modern music or Kerrang/NME readers that just heard  Judas Priest on the jukebox and want to investigate their dad's music .

4. "What the hell is that doing on there?" Stuff that sticks out like a sore thumb. An album of 70s rock standards suddenly having  a Soul Asylum song would count. So would a meandering Peter Frampton blues jam.  Or a frigging reggae track. 

 At this point you realise the compiler had lost interest and wanted to go home for his tea.    

 So I know they're cynical and the musical equivalent of Reality TV. But I keep buying the bloody things.

 Back in my vinyl buying days I was horrified to discover that I now owned "Ace Of Spades" on 16 different albums. The actual "Ace Of Spades" album not being one of them.

 When I was first getting into Rock music, cheapo compilations were great.  I got a cassette with some songs I knew I liked and hopefully some interesting new stuff.  After a while, though, the law of diminishing returns came in. Paying £5 to get 3 new tracks didn't seem that great a deal anymore, plus there's only so many times you can hear "Paranoid" before uou start wishing for something fresh.

 So why is it that 20 years later I am still buying cheapo compilations?

I have an MP3 player. On a train journey I can literally listen to music for the entire trip and every single song is one I picked.

I have a CD burner. I have a halfway decent CD collection, even if I do say so myself. Put these two together and I can generate a 12 track compilation CD without a single clunker or track chosen because it's cheap.

I'm listening to Youtube right now. In the last 15 minutes I've heard 3 bands I've never even heard of before and I didn't have to sit through "Bat Out Of Hell" first.

Given all of the above, I can only conclude that next time I find myself poring over a cheaply -packaged "Best Rock" 3-Cd set, in Tescos it cannot be because I want to own "More Than A Feeling" one more time or because I think spending £7 to own 6 sorta=-interesting tracks and whatever twats with interesting haircuts are pushing as Rock Classics these days. (Toploader? Seriously?)

Oh shit. I've just realised.

If I'm not buying the CDs because I want to, maybe I just bought "Rock Anthems 101" because I had to.

Maybe it's my own, personal version of "Catcher In The Rye"

I think I need to go check my neck for strange lumps and then put all my compilation CDs into a lead lined box.

Maybe I'll just listen to "More Than  A Feeling" first...

That's all folks.