Cheapo DVD Review: Northmen - A Viking Saga (2014)

"Northern Europe, 873 AD. banished from their homeland, a gang of Vikings find themselves exiled and shipwrecked off the Coast of Scotland. As they venture deep within enemy territory, their on,y chance of survival is to cut a bl;oody path through anyone who gets in their way!"

  Between the Thor movies and the Vikings TV series there's been a definite revival of interest in all things Norse lately. Sitting here, counting on my fingers, I reckon I've seen at least nine films starring hairy men with axes in the last few years.  And they generally all into two categories.
- straight up historical adventure or fantasy with monsters & magic and stuff.

  "Northmen" is firmly in category one, so no werewolves, curses or dragons. Now I've said that, I really ought to add that "Northmen" is more "Adventure" than historical.
 When it comes to an accurate record of Dark Age weapons and armour  then this is only marginally better than "King Arthur".
  You know, the one that everybody remembers for two reasons - Keira Knightley as a Pictish warrior princess, and loads of historians laughing their heads off.

 The Vikings aren't that bad, if overkeen on black leather,  but apparently 9th century Scotland was about 4 centuries ahead of the rest of the world when it came to building castles and 9th century Romanian mercenaries were wearing stylish black steel full plate armour.
I'm no expert but that seems a bit off to me. And why are Romanians fighting for a Scots king anyway?

 Luckily this is not enough to fatally derail the film and if you aren't an awkward, nitpicking old sod like me, you most likely won't care.

  Something else I'm going to mention is the DVD artwork.

Normally I start foaming at the mouth at this point but just for a change "Northmen" has a cover that represents the contents with some accuracy. However, there is a second version around and here it is.

   This one is a little brighter and cheerier and, crucially, features somebody absent from the other version who is very, very important to the plot.

Have you spotted them?

Here's a clue: she's wearing pink.

Now let's get on to what I thought about the film itself.  And it isn't bad.

I can't really describe Northmen as my favourite Viking film but it's one of the best I've seen lately.
The story is quite simple.
 Vikings arrive in Scotland. Vikings pick a fight. Vikings find an unattended pretty girl. Vikings spend the rest of the film running from the people who want the girl back.

 You know how this sort of thing goes. Our harried heroes hustle across the landscape, giving plenty of opportunity to show off how pretty it all is, while their numbers dwindle and internal tensions bubble under.
 So it is here. Nothing terribly original, although the ass-kicking monk they collect along the way was a novel touch.
   What made "Northmen" enjoyable for me was that heroic Viking Asbjorn and his crew are surprisingly easy to root for, what with being pirates and all, with decently developed characters playing off each other in a way which makes it easy to invest in their well-being.
 The bad guys are swaggering, sneering psychos so it's pretty easy to hate their guts.  Their faceless mooks all have skulls on their helmets, just to make sure everybody knows they aren't people to cheer for.

Acting: Mostly on the high end of decent. A bit hammy from certain people but it fits the role so whatever.

Violence: Quite a bit, which should surprise nobody, and quite well done. Everybody gets a chance to have their cool moment and the director does a pretty good job of showing the action.

Pacing: Fast enough to keep things moving along with a pause every now and again to let us get to know these guys.

Highlights: The opening storm. Warrior-monk Conall making his first appearance. Some nifty fights. A bit of demolition. More nifty fights.

How much did I pay for this? £2.50
Was it worth it?  Definitely. "Northmen" isn't my favourite Viking film but it's one of the best I've seen lately and it kept my interest all the way through. On a Sunday morning that's all I really want from a DVD.

So if you fancy 93 minutes watching men with appallingly groomed hair and beards fighting their way across the Highlands, "Northmen" may be what you're looking for.

Trailer here;

That's all folks.