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Wednesday 19 October 2016

Heavy Metal Cover Girls... Go For A Ride

 Blimey, is it Wednesday already?  
Friday afternoon would be nicer but then I'd have skipped today's post.

 Today's theme is simple but elegant. Cover girls mounted on something.  

Stop sniggering. Not that kind of a blog.
(Although one of these days I will do that Covergirl Bums feature i've been threatening for years.)

What we have here is a selection of young women mounted on a selection of increasingly 
outlandish animals with nary a riding  hat or high-vis vest in sight. 

Mount up and let's go.  We shall start with some classic literary stuff.

  Heaven Shall Burn - Veto (Germany 2013)

Album cover - naked woman riding horse
Proof that you can do an album cover with a naked woman and still have some class. 

Legend fails to mention that Lady Godiva spent the rest of the week in bed with a chill because going butt-naked in British weather is a dumb idea. 

Heaven Shall Burn are Melodeath/Metalcore. Genres I don't pay much attention to -but I quite like this next song. 



Alkonost - Tales Of Wanderings (Russia 2015)

"Shit. How do I get this frigging horse to stop? I only wanted to pop down the tavern for a pint and now I'm miles away!"
I wonder if this is based on a Russian legend. Can anybody tell me? 

Alkonost are Folk Metal with male/female vocals. Interesting.


Testraskel -Preindoeuropean Metal (Spain 2016)

woman riding a rhinoceros.
Why does she even need the spear? She's riding a fucking giant-ass RHINO
Look at the horns on that thing. It could spear a cow and then trot around with it skewered on the nose-spike.

No Youtube vids so if you want to check out this Spanish band's brand of  Epic Instrumental Blackened Doom Metal go check out their bandcamp.  I can see this stuff working well on a soundtrack.

https://tetraskel.bandcamp.com/


Unleash The Archers - Defy The Skies Ep (Canada 2012)

Woman riding dragon album art
When it comes down to it, dragons are just like ponies.
Ponies that fly, might possibly eat you and are capable of having a conversation.  Also, very scaly.
So not like ponies then.

Unleash the Archers are one the most promising female-fronted Heavy Metal bands around right now.



Flaming Bess - Verlorene Welt (Germany 1981)

Does anybody know whet the proper name for a Winged Horse-Lion that can fly between realities is?
Oh yeah. A naked orange woman. is on there too.  She seems a bit puzzled and I can't blame her.

Flaming Bess are Mellow, Jazzy  Prog rather than Metal but I couldn't pass up the chance to post a naked women on a Flying Lion-Horse.
"naked woman on a flying Lion-horse"
I am never going to get to use that sentence again. Darn.

Like Camel most of their stuff seems to be instrumental but I managed to find something with vocals.
"Heavy" it isn't but to my surprise I quite like it.



 Rodmir - Wild & Dangerous Girl (Russia 1994)

 I got nothing. What could I possibly write that could add anything to this?

Like most of these bands, I'd never heard of them until I stumbled across the cover. According to  ttp://www.metal-archives.com/ they started off as Glam Rock before morphing into Heavy Metal.



Axxis - Utopia (2009)

I think this is the fully grown form of that...thing... the last gal was riding.

The young lady in black  is on several Axxis covers, so gives me a useful link to the last two pics which see our Cover Girls getting high-tech.

Axxis - Time Machine  (Germany 2004)

 She's really enjoying that ride isn't she?
That's not the expression of somebody going "Whee. This is fun." is it?

Axxis are a band that bridged the gap between 80s Heavy Metal and the Power Metal revival.

 The Screaming Jets - Chrome (Australia 2016)

    Now we finally get a girl wearing safety gear.   I mean the goggles naturally.
Because when you're 10,00 feet up riding a sentient, carnivourous jet engine with neither saddle nor harness eye protection is so important. 

I didn't realise these guys were still going so that was a nice surprise.
Punchy Aussie Hard Rock.


I hope you liked the covers and I hope I introduced you to some cool new music.

If you have a theme you'd like to see, please drop me a comment below and I'll see what I can do.

That's all folks. 

2 comments:

  1. That Flaming Bess track reminds me of Renaissance, off of the seventies.

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    Replies
    1. I can definitely see the comparison. As near as I can tell, that song seems to be a bit out of character for Flaming Bess. The rest of their stuff I've heard is a bit more like Camel. People with a better grasp of Prog might disagree.

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