Genre: Sci-Fi/Space Opera
An Evil Warlord and an Evil Scientist plan to create an army of invincible warriors. Evil invincible warriors. A gentle giant of a spaceship pilot happens to wander too close to their Evil Base and they do Evil Science-y stuff to make him an Evil version of the Incredible Hulk.
Can a pretty scientist, a heroic pilot and a child prodigy stop the monsters rampage and save the Galaxy?
And how much can the producers rip off from Star Wars before George Lucas sends his boys round to break somebodies legs?
The Humanoid reunites two of the stars from The Spy Who Loved Me as Richard Kiel and Barbara Bach make the most of their improved box-office value. Kiel spends most of the film essentially being "Jaws - In space"
This film blatantly lifts most of it's design aesthetic from Star Wars to the point where I'm amazed they didn't just call the whole damn thing Star Battles.
While Bach seems to have catastrophically fallen out with her hairdresser
Here's what the head bad guy looks like.
He rides around in something that is almost but not-quite a Star Destroyer crewed by guys who are totally not Imperial Stormtroopers because their armour is black instead of white.
The Empire at least pretends that they aren't the Bad Guys. This lot are not only proud of it but their battle flag is probably a black jackboot stamping on a basket of kittens. Makes you wonder how they recruit.
"Are you Evil?"
"Err...yes."
"You're in. Now stamp on these kittens and we'll get your health insurance sorted. Hah! I'm kidding ."
"About stamping on kittens?"
"No. About the Health Insurance. We're Evil. Deal with it"
"No. About the Health Insurance. We're Evil. Deal with it"
Luckily the good guys have their own secret weapon. Not a wise Jedi Master because (lawyers) but the next best thing. A precocious wunderkind.
The lovely Corinne Cléry is saddled with a hideous necklace and little smartarse.
There is an explanation for who this kid is and why he has freaking magic powers but frankly it's a bit stupid.
There is no explanation as to why the entire armed might of the Forces of Good apparently consists of a dozen blokes wearing knocked-off Rebel combat gear.
There is also no real explanation for why the Evil plan revolves around creating slow, lumbering zombies instead of, I dunno, just nuking the opposition planet into glass.
In keeping with this film being a patchwork of "borrowed" ideas, the soundtrack consists of synthy noodlings performed by jobbing Prog Rockers alternating with orchestral bits that may have been left over from earlier films; both being slapped onto the film at random.
Then I found out who did the music for the Humanoid.
The Ennio Morricone? The near-legendary soundtrack maestro? Blimey.
When it comes right down to it The Humanoid is a blatant attempt at cashing in on Star Wars but without the budget, put together by people who ripped off as many ideas as they could using a cast that needed the money. The special effects are 1970s TV quality, the soundtrack is pants and the whole thing is a bit stupid.
I rather liked it.
The Humanoid might be a bad movie but it's an entertaining bad movie and is probably best watched when drunk while playing a game of "Spot the blatant ripoff."
Watch if you want something that's not quite as silly - or as booby - as Starcrash but still fancy a good helping of Italian Cheese.
I shall leave you with the trailer.
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