So there was this spider...

 It was sometime in the early hours of the morning and I had just drifted from a deep sleep into a state that was not quite awake, not quite asleep. Conscious enough to talk to you but not enough to remember what the hell either of us had said - that sort of thing.

Let's call it "sleep-drunk"

   I shifted my head on the pillow. Shifted it again...then rolled over and opened my eyes...

...To find a spider hanging 3 inches away from my nose. 

   Most of the time me and spiders are cool. They do their thing, I do mine and we co-exist quite happily.

  This spider was not cool. For starters it was ghostly-white and it was staring at me with eight blood red eyes, quite obviously intent on crawling up my nose while I was asleep and laying it eggs in my brain.

 (Did I mention that I was half-asleep at the time and Mr "Rational Thought" hadn't reported for duty yet.?)

  Which, I think, explains why my immediate reaction was to go "Aaarrgghhh" and launch a wild left-hook. 

  The evil, brain-eating arachnid had just time to register the fleshy asteroid inbound and hostile before it was crushed violently between my knuckles and the wall.

 In retrospect punching it another couple of times may have been overkill. 

 So if my neighbours are wondering why I was banging on the wall last night, that's why. It's also why I was pulling the mattress and bedding off so I could make sure the fucking thing was actually dead.   

 Because you know what's worse than a spider from hell?  A spider from hell that wants revenge.

That's all folks.