Psychostick release their annual Christmas song.

In what's become a bit of a tradition, Psycho stick have released their latest Christmas song. As usual it's entertaining, a solid bit of music in it's own right and more than a little dark.

 What happens you you mash up Rob Zombie and Santa? This. You get this.

 The next time you hear movement on your roof, maybe you'd best hide under your bed until it goes away...

A Small Pile Of Model Kits

I have lots of bad habits but in this case two of them have combined forces.

Firstly, my tendency to be irresistibly attracted to shiny objects. Secondly, my awkward inclination towards procrastination.

And since you're now wondering what the bloody hell I'm going on about, I'm talking about the pile of model kits gradually stacking up on my kitchen table. I really must get started on at least one of them

Two were from charity shops, two were bought brand new.  

Let's start with the charity shop finds. 

 The is the first one I bought and it must have been 6 months ago. 

Honestly I'm a little bit intimidated by it. 

  This particular kit is one of those sneaky "What-if" Wunderwaffe projects that never existed in the real world but it looks cool so hey! let's have a kit. 

 I suppose I'd better explain what a Mistel is.  

  Towards the end of WW2 the Luftwaffe bomber force was looking badly out of date so somebody came up with the bright idea of converting old Ju88s into flying bombs by replacing the forward fuselage with a whole can of explosives.  Since this contraption needed to be guided to the target  a BF109 was mounted on top and the pilot steered the whole odd, affair. Once he got to the target, the BF109 pilot would point the Mistel at the target, then detach his plane from the flying bomb and (hopefully) skedaddle before any P51s showed up.  

  The whole things sounds damn near suicidal but there are records of Mistels being used against Allied bridges so clearly the Luftwaffe had some right nutters willing to give it a go. 

Here's a picture from https://www.militaryfactory.com that shows you what it looked like. 

 Picture sourced from this page: https://www.militaryfactory.com/aircraft/detail.asp?aircraft_id=842

At some point there may have been some debate on doing the same but with jets for both parts. Hence this kit.

I have a feeling I'm gonna leave this one until I'm feeling brave. 

By contrast this next kit was brand new and I'm probably going to build it first.

 I don't usually do modern jets but this one was nice and cheap - check the price - so I figured I'd give it a go.  Pillock that I am, i didn't notice until I got home that it's 1:144 scale so will look very out of place on my shelf of 1:72 aircraft.  Oh well. I might paint it something weird and tell everybody it's from the Lemurian Imperial Air Korps.  

 Next kit is also new and an aircraft I've always had a soft spot for:

 The P40 Warhawk/Kittyhawk/Tomahawk might not have been an outstanding fighter but like the Hurricane, it held the line until something better came along. On both the Russian and Desert fronts the Tomahawk was thrown into combat to replace obsolete biplanes so deserves some respect. 

  One additional reason for me to pick up this kit is that https://www.hannants.co.uk/  have some decal kits for early model P40s and one in particular caught my eye.

Pic from here: https://www.hannants.co.uk/Allied Fighters under the Turkish Flag

I haven't got anything in Turkish markings so next payday I plan to get a set of these. Looks cool, hey?

Lastly we have this, which was a whopping £1 from the Samaritans shop in Southsea.  

Matchbox went out of business decades ago so how long has this been sitting in some body's attic?  

When I do finally get round, expect a post or two and probably my neighbours asking me why I keep shouting "Bollocks!"

That's all folks.  

The Metal Project: Long Live Metal

I haven't done one of these in way, way too long. I feel kinda bad about that. 

Freedom & Pain: Long Live Metal (Germany 2019)

Honour to: 7us Media Group

B.D.O - Heavy Metal Nonstop  (Estonia 1992)

(A bit of an oddity and I'm pretty suire this is a pisstake but what the hell. Somebody out there is gonna dig it)

Honour to: BDOHeavyMetalNonstop

Maggots - Death Metal Massacre (Mexico 2016)

Honour to: Hellbastard ART

Zwetwezen - The Glory Of Black Metal (Belgium 2014)

Honour to: newwdefinition

Sörceress- Heavy Metal Wicca (Colombia 2018)

Honour to: Ushupagi Alcoholic

Please visit and support the channels I linked above.

That's All Folks. 

 

Music From The Weird Part Of Youtube: We Butter The Bread With Butter

We Butter The Bread with Butter are a German metal band who may or may not be tongue in cheek. It's hard to tell sometimes. Their latest video is defnitely intense though.

Not so much what's happening but the way it's done. Small things are performed with a level of intensity that makes most metal bands look like foppish amateurs.  See for yourself and see what I mean.

And if anybody who understands German can explain what the bloody song is all about, I'd appreciate it.

That's All Folks

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Metal Amazons

 I've been a bit fed up lately but I think I know what will cheer me up and hope fully make your world a little bit shinier.  Attractive women in impractical armour wielding swords. Possibly while riding animals that no sane person would even go near.

Yep. It's time to dust off the Heavy Metal Cover Girls tag. It's been a while, hasn't it?   

Once again I'm going with the theme "Warrior Women" because as it turns out, lots of people like the idea of sexy female warriors and lots of them are in metal bands. Luis Royo alone must have made a few bob out of CD cases. 

Smoulder - Times Of Obscene Evil And Wild Daring (USA 2019)

This is one of those covers that makes you wonder at the story being told.

A beautiful but fierce woman brandishing a sword that apparently cuts reality menaces a tied up man .
Why is she so mad at him?
And why is the horse terrified of a wall?

Mjolnir - Whispering Sorcery (NL 2000)

I though Valkyries were generally more solidly built and wore winged hats.
I bet she can't even sing soprano.

Having said that, if this young lady turned up to collect your soul would anybody object?

"I'm ready to be taken to Valhalla now."
"But you're..y'know..not actually dead. Also you're a baker."
"Gimme five minutes. Just off to punch that berserker in the dick."

Beast In Black - From Hell With Love (Finland 2019)

Your definition of Love is a lot different from mine. 

Claymorean - Unbroken (Serbia 2015)

The Dark Lord's favourite general celebrates another victory.
The Dark Lord's general is now looking forward to a nice hot bath to wash away the stink of blood and winged hellbeast.
They look metal as fuck  but their fur brings her out in a rash.

Europica - Part One Hungary (2017)

 I've decided that the blonde in the white dress is some sort of Goddess, which is why she's riding a white, Aurochs.
Is it just me or does that Aurochs look very pleased with himself?
He clearly thinks he's the star of this picture and ya know what - I think he's right.    

Booxe Control - The Lizard Rider (Germany 2016)

Oh come on. using a frigging Assault rifle is just cheating.

Let me know if there's any themes you want to see and I'll see what i can do.

That's all folks. 

DVD Review: Silver (1999)

  A family is brutally murdered by a secretive yet powerful criminal society.  Years later the surviving daughter is recruited by Japan's Secret Service.
  Jun Shirogane is sent undercover as a Woman wrestler; her mission - to deal with criminals who cannot be touched by regular means and in the process avenge her slaughtered family.

  I saw this one on an IMDB list and "Silver" seemed to tick a lot of my boxes.  I like wrestling. I like women's wrestling. I like weird Japanese films  and the Takashi Miike films I've seen thus far were pretty cool.

  The thing is, I watched "Hara-Kiri" and "13 Assassins"  which are Takashi Miike paying tribute to the classic samurai movies.  Miike is also famous for certain other films which , I gather, are notorious for pushing the boundaries of taste.

  What I was expecting was something daft but fun, where a spandex-clad cutie beats up improbable bad guys. (Basically a live-action Cutey Honey minus the shape-changing.)  There really isn't much of that in this film.

  What I got was a film where a dominatrix pisses into a glass - while doing a backward crab pose no less - then forces a cowering banker to drink it.  

  Just so we're clear on this, I'm not remotely entertained by that kind of thing.

 I could also have done without the overlong sex-scene, or the whipping scene or the bit where a crucified man gets his horse-sized dick smacked with a studded paddle.

 By contrast, if you're expecting much wrestling in a movie about a female wrestler, you're wasting your time.
  The showdown between our heroine and the evil dominatrix comes in two acts, neither of them much to write home about.
  And when a promising new villain is introduced there's some talking, a tiny bit of scrapping, more talking and then the film suddenly cuts off. Since there was never a sequel I guess we'll never know what the bloody hell that was all about.

 I have a theory that Miike was paying tribute to some of the tough-gal anime/movies of yesteryear . Cutey Honey is one reference point. The yo-yo-wielding heroine of Sukeban Deka is another, what with Jun's favourite weapon being rapid-fire coin-flicking.  I don't remember anybody drinking piss in either of those but maybe that was cut out of the UK releases, I dunno.

My alternative theory is that the director was just trolling everybody.

"Silver" is not a fun film to watch. Even without the unpleasant elements, there's very little here to get excited about because too much of the film is dull, half-hearted and barely coherent.

To sum up: I did not enjoy "Silver"  and having to watch somebody drinking piss is only one of the reasons why.

 

Cheapo DVD Reviews: Killersaurus (2015)

"When a scientist runs short of funding for his life-saving medical Bio-Printing research, he accepts an offer of investment from a shadowy military organisation. In return, he is forced to use his technology to create the ultimate battlefield weapon - a full size Tyrannosaurus Rex. After a horrific accident in which the dinosaur massacres his research team, the scientist shuts down the project. However, his investors demand results and it can only be a matter of time before the deadly T-Rex is unleashed upon the world."

This film was not what I was expecting.

I sure as hell wasn't expecting Killersaurus to be good.  
This is a low-budget dinosaur movie after all. However I thought I might get some cheesy, bad-CGI dinosaur munching action and a few laughs. What I got was...something else entirely.

 The first surprise was that this was not a low-budget dinosaur movie. Killersaurus is a very low budget British dinosaur movie.

So what does this mean in real terms? Let me quickly run through some bullet points.

1. A multi-million research lab is apparently controlled from the back room of a side-street workshop.

2. Said lab only has 6 staff, only three of home get to do any talking. Or anything at all.

3. The head scientist dresses like a dad on his day off and has a definite Midlands accent.

4. The high-tech security keeping the T.Rex safely contained consists of a rolling garage door that, quite frankly, would not stop an annoyed chav with decent boots.

5. Rather cleverly, the dinosaur is kept hidden as much as possible but even so, it is easy to recognise as a rubber puppet with somebody's arm up the back making the mouth go up and down.

I might have been willing to overlook all of these because like I said, I was expecting low-budget and silly anyway but while Killersaurus does have some decent ideas and a couple of the actors are at least trying, it suffers from one flaw which is fatal to a movie like this.

Too much talking. Not enough rampaging T. Rex.

Or to put it another way, KillerSaurus is dull.

  Way too much time is spent on characters chatting in dark rooms and by the time the action finally rolls around it's too late.  I am also convinced the film-makers had got fed up and wanted to go home because how else do you explain a dinosaur movie that ends with a T.Rex finally escaping after 80 odd minutes and our heroes pretty-much going " Welp. It's escaped. Nowt we can do. Let's sod off."

Build-up is good but you do need to have a decent payoff and KillerSaurus doesn't.

How much did I pay for this: 99p
Was it worth it:  This is not even enjoyable as a "Bad" film so that's a massive NOPE.  Avoid.

Big D builds a Mustang - Badly. Really Badly.

Disclaimer: I am not good at making models but I do it anyway. This will not be pretty. 

 Yep. This is another model making post. If you're expecting any kind of improvement  then you're on course for disappointment.  If anything I've got worse. 

  "I fancy a model" I thought to myself "Not a Spitfire though - I want something different and preferably with an unusual colour-scheme."  AA quick visit to Waterlooville Models and I came out with something that fit the bill. The colour-scheme was downright eye-catching. 

This is what the kit looked like when I unpacked it

 Right away I noticed something odd. 

Wasn't there supposed to be some Swiss markings for this thing?  

I ended up peering back in the box to see if I missed another sheet. 

Nope. 

Eventually it dawned on me that the box included some little white crosses and I would need to paint the rest myself. 

 "Bollocks to that" I said to myself and went for Plan B. 

The back of the box offered a pair of alternatives. 

The Nationalist Chinese was clearly the more striking of the two so a Kuomintang Mustang it would be.

Now I just had to build the bloody thing. 

After a bit of fiddling, excessive swearing and lots and lots of squinting at the instructions I managed to get the cockpit assembly put together.  These fingers are really not suited for tiny parts. 

Maybe I should build 1/48 instead? 

I then glued the hull together and deployed my high-tech clamping apparatus.

This is when I noticed something.

I don't think the big hole in the bottom of the fuselage should be there? 

Did I put a bit in upside down or something? 

Once I'd slapped a thumbs worth of filler in there and glued the wings on I had something a bit more plane-like.

For some reason I didn't take many photos after this. 

So here's a picture of a plant in my garden.

Anybody know what it is?

It's the lilac-y thing I'm interested in.

To try and some up the rest of the build it runs a bit like this:

P51B sits on kitchen table while I add bits to it every now and again. 

I add the canopy.

I take the canopy off because it doesn't fit properly and frantically file down the pilot's headrest 

because it was about 3mm higher than it should have been. 

I get the masking tape out and prepare to carefully mask the canopy so I could paint in the frame lines. 

I decide to freehand it instead because this is model already way beyond the point where it will impress anybody and I need my kitchen table back. 

I perform a paint job that could have been bettered by a 6 year old with ADD and a twitch. 

I add the decals - as usual throwing away any that are too small and fiddly because sod that for a game of soldiers. 

And here's the finished result. 

I think we can agree that it looks decent provided you're not too close.

Too close being defined as "Within 6 feet"  obviously.

The thing is, I might be terrible at making models and I know right now some of you are mocking my lack of skill, talent and working motor control but I did enjoy putting this together and I do feel a sense of  achievement in getting this made.  It's now sitting proudly on my shelf  alongside the wonky Gladiator and the Spit with the upside-down wings and my inner ten year old is quite pleased with himself. 

That's All Folks. . 

A Short List Of Things Somebody Really Needs To Invent.

Because it's hot and that's making me grumpy I thought I'd share some thoughts on inventions the world ought to have but doesn't...Yet.

Seagull-Proof Binbags
Because on bin day the feathery, squawking bastards always get up extra early to have some fun with the piled-up binbags.  I don't know about anybody else but I really, really appreciate having to tiptoe through piles of rotting garbage on way way to work.

A Sensible Corned Beef Tin.
Why the bloody hell are these things such a twat to open?  Even if you manage to wield the tiny key properly, yous till have to poke and prod the corned beef to get it out of the tin. God help you if you lose the key or it snaps.  Corned Beef tins are damn-near impossible to open with a conventional tin-opener and they are razor sharp to boot.

Bus Seats Designed for Humans. 
I refuse to believe anybody involved in designing bus seats has seen a normal-sized human or a normally-shaped human. The alternative is that they were deliberately designed to be uncomfortable.

A Self-Stirring Saucepan.   
I admit it, I just want one of these because I'm lazy and stirring stuff is boring.  I'd also really like a frying-pan where it was the same constant temperature across the whole bloody thing.  I should not have to shuffle my sausages about in this day and age.

A Remote Control That Stays Where You Bloody Put It. 
Alternatively: A Remote Control That Has  A Homing Beacon attached. 
Because I don't like having to dismantle my sofa and conduct a fingertip search through my entire living room to find a damn remote. especially when my programme is just coming on.

A Sonic Weapon You Can Fire down The Phone At Cold Callers and  Microsoft Scammers That Will Make Them Shit Themselves.  
Do I really need to explain this one?  Maybe Phase 2 would be something to make Grammerly adverts fuck off from Youtube forever.

Any you can think of?  Let me know. 

That's All Folks. 

Cheapo DVD Review: Stormbirds (2019)

Also known as Greyhound Attack because that totally makes sense. 

Europe 1944:

   US Pilots over Germany are becoming spooked by reports of  Nazi jet fighters and massive rockets.

   A pair of brothers serving on the same B17 are reluctantly parted

  And in a secret factory a Jewish scientist reluctantly aids the Third Reich in developing  superweapons while next door a stuck-up diva broadcasts propaganda across the radio waves.

You can't fault the producers of Stormbirds for thinking big because they definitely aimed at making a proper WW2 epic. 

Unfortunately this movie not only fails to live up to those aims, it doesn't even live up to its own DVD sleeve. 

That's a cool sleeve, isn't it? Lots of action and Mustangs zooming here there and everywhere. 

The film itself is mostly people talking in front of green-screen backgrounds and not particularly good green-screen either.  I've seen better green-screen work used in home-made rap videos put together in a teenagers bedroom.  Then there's the action sequences and for that all I need to do is post one single image:

  Since a film about WW2 fighters does need to show some actual fighters at some point,  the director throws in some footage clearly shot at a Warbirds Airshow -  which explains why a mission crucual to the War effort is performed by just two aircraft and neither of them is a bomber. 

  Stormbirds does have other problems beside the lack of graphics and the lack of action.

  None of the story threads above seem to have much to do with each other and some could easily have been cut out.  I was also not happy when the last five minutes or so was quite clearly setting things up for a Part 2 that will likely never happen.  Stormbirds has barely got enough going on for one movie so there's no bloody way they can make a trilogy out of it.

   To sum up:  I ended up feeling sorry for  the actors involved. I also ended up stretching my viewing out over about 5 sessions because watching Stormbirds was such a painful experience.  

Don't bother. 

A Duck And A Big Big Kiss

The D-Day and VE-Day events have been and gone but - at least for the moment  -  the vents from earlier this year left Portsmouth dockyard with a couple of  extra attractions.

The first is easily the less obvious, being a WW2 vintage Amphibious truck: the famous DUKW which is currently parked up outside the entrance to the Naval Museum.

  Some vehicles have a charm to them and you somehow end up with a warm feeling about a piece of machinery.   That's definitely the case here.  I've had a soft spot for the DUKW ever since I was a kid.

Did they come in different sizes because I'm sure this is smaller than the one I saw on Southsea Common back in June.

When I was there the DUKW had some women in Land Girl outfits stood next to it chatting to tourists so maybe I should have asked one of them what the hell this bit was for.

 It's clearly there to do something, I just can't figure out what that  might be. Something to do with the water-drive?  

  Another view from the opposite side.

The other attraction is more noticeable in the sense that helicopter pilots could use it as a landmark.

You may have seen the famous VJ-Day photo of a US sailor delivering a powerful kiss to an unsuspecting nurse.

 It's been parodied in Night At The Museum 2 and Watchmen so even if you haven't seen this photo, part of your backbrain recognises it from somewhere.

Well, somebody made a statue of that and put said statue in Portsmouth Dockyard right next to the HMS Victory.

   It's really well done and i kinda like it.  It's also pretty big.  The photo above doesn't show you the scale so how about a wider angle?

 That's the Mary Rose Museum in the background and this is taller than the building. Like I said this is a big statue and must be 3-4 times taller than I am.

Hopefully it will stick around for a bit because I'm all in favour of statues with a bit of charm and fun to them.

That's All Folks. 

The Metal Project: Happy Fourth of July

Evening All. 

Since it's Independence day, what better way to celebrate all things US of A than with a batch of  All-American - but slightly obscure - Heavy Metal?  Enjoy. 

Resistance - The Metal Machine  (2017)

Honour to:  Resistance (USA) Official

Whip Teacher - Metal Protege (1981 - Demo so sound quality dubious)

Honour to: Andrew Kellman

Winters Bane - Metal Rules (1991)

Honour to: Panagiotis44444444

Taist Of Iron - Metal Beast  (2012)

Honour to: Gabriel Management

Giant DeathSnake - Metal Revolt (2016)

Honour to: Giant DeathSnake

Dear USA - Enjoy your BBQ's Beers and  Metal Music.

That's All folks

Cheapo DVD Review: Cowboy Zombies (2016)

  Arizona 1870s.  A small one-horse town is just about to execute a pair of outlaws when there's a mysterious flash in the sky. Much to everybody's horror, the execution fails to take and the hanged outlaws continue kicking and trying to bite anything in range.
 Meanwhile a US marshall has just shot some more outlaws - who have nothing to do with the first two - but they decide that being dead is no fun and get back up again. 

 With the dead risen and walking the earth - or shambling anyway - a motley group of survivors are trapped in a saloon and must try and find a way to not get violently eaten.  

You'll note the title is Cowboy Zombies rather than Cowboys vs Zombies. because that title was already taken. See little piccie to the right. (Warning you now: don't bother trying to find that DVD. It's not worth it.)

Cowboy Zombies is an OK idea but the execution falls flat. Or to be blunt: this movie is just dull.   The pace is slow with few high points and way too much padding, with some scenes being needlessly repetitive. .  The end result is that I found Cowboy Zombies a real slog to get through.  The final ten minutes take things up a notch but by that point it's too late.

Special effects are restricted to a healthy dose of white paint and telling the zombie cast to act stoned and snarl a lot.  Not what you'd call impressive.

How much did i pay for this: £1.
Was it worth it: Not really. If this was a 30 minute short on Youtube then maybe it might have worked. As a full length movie Cowboy Zombies fails to deliver. Avoid./

Music from The Weird part Of Youtube: Noot Metal.

I think I've just discovered yet another subgenre of Metal. 

As proof that you can combine Heavy Metal with literally anything, somebody decided that what the world needed was a hellish combination of the most brutal music ever - Death Metal - and the most brutal cartoon ever. 

 I am of course talking about Pingu. 

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the Pingu's Of Death Metal and their single Nooting The Noot. 

Noot Noot folks. 

D-Day Display on Southsea Common.

D-day has been a big deal down in Portsmouth. We've had dignitaries, concerts and all sorts of things happening, not to mention a sudden explosion of Union Jacks everywhere.

So the weekend before last I read that there was going to be something on the Common and decided to go take a look.

 "Hmm". I thought. "Where is everybody? "

This bird didn't seem too bothered.

As I trudge home a solitary WW2 truck trundled past. 

 Yes, you guessed, I got the dates wrong. 

So a week later and with the weather suddenly deciding to crank up the wind-machine, I tried again.

This time I got to check out a small military vehicles display.

Mostly trucks and cars but with a few interesting items to be see.

Starting with this , which is was called a "Tower truck" for obvious reasons. 

I did try and avoid getting people in these pics so if you're here and don't want to be, please let me know. 

 

  Now an somebody please tell me what this thing was used for? 

What really made me happy was this Valentine, a tank I've always had a soft spot for

As you can see from the canvas screens, this is the Duplex drive version which must be ultra-rare by now.  

  Personally I wouldn't want to be the driver on this thing because the idea of a floating tank is so bizarre that only a genius or complete loonie would come up with it. The first briefing must have been interesting.
"See this tank. We're going to make it swim and guess who's driving it?"

Note the lifebelt. A bit optimistic I feel. 

  

 I don't know what this is but damn, I feel lucky to get this close to one. 

Ooh look. A Duck. 

I wasn't sure whether I was allowed to climb aboard so played safe and didn't.

That's All Folks.