Film Review: Invaders Of The Lost Gold (1982)

 

Philippines 1944. A Japanese unit transporting gold through the jungle is attacked by hostile natives and barely manage to hide the gold before being wiped out - except for three officers who vow to return for the gold one day. 

 36 years later. The remaining Japanese officer is "persuaded" to lead a motley collection of  adventurers into the jungle: A rich guy, his daughter and hired hand, a Phillipino couple, a washed up jungle-guide and an arrogant gold-hunter. With the last two in particular absolutely hating each other, it's a question of whether the jungle will kill them before they kill each other. 

 "Invaders Of The Lost Gold" is also known as "Horror Safari" and after watching this film I couldn't help feeling that either title deserves to be applied to a much more exciting movie.

 Don't even get me started on the poster. 

  "Invaders.." just doesn't manage to do anything exciting or even semi-interesting.  According to IMDB the script was being rewritten daily, which might explain why the whole thing feels so patchy.  For a film about treasure hunting in the Jungle there's a distinct absence of adventure. Even as the characters are gradually whittled down by mishap and skulduggery, it's so badly handled that any potential excitement is leached away.  How the hell do you make a crocodile attack boring?  How do you make me wait 75 minutes for a climax that would be considered dull in an Australian daytime soap opera?  

  I would also like to know why one suddenly dies mid-swim for no apparent reason. One minute fine, next minute scared, next minute dead. Did the crew forget to film the shot where somebody killed her? 

  To be fair, the cast isn't bad and this is probably the only time you will see Harold "Oddjob" Sakata and Glynis "spent her whole career playing posh, blonde Brits." Barber in the same film. But dear gods, nothing that anybody does matters.  

To sum up: Invaders Of the Lost Gold is a wasted opportunity. Don't bother. 

Cheapo DVD Review: Ancestral World (2020)

 Genre: We Can't Afford Horses Fantasy

  Years ago a heroic king and a talented mage managed to slay an evil warlord bent on conquering all the realms.

  Now the warlord's remaining followers have kidnapped the king's eldest son. To rescue him, the younger brother must find and retrieve the legendary Ancestral Armour.  Along the way he meets and teams up with a beautiful amazon warrior. 

Before I go on to the movie itself, let's talk about a couple of things first.

1. Ancestral World is a weird thing to call a film.  Normally when you see something like this it's because somebody is trying to cash in on a bigger, better film so a new title gets bolted on. Or the film is foreign and they hired the cheapest  translator to be found. 

 To my surprise "Ancestral World" is what this film was originally called. They couldn't come up with anything more compelling, I guess.  

2. The DVD cover.  As is traditional with this kind of movie, the cover is misleading.  Since neither of the people on it are in the film I wonder if the artist even watched it. Or saw any pictures.  or even knew this cover was going on this filmcase. 

 I have a theory that there's a warehouse somewhere where starving artists crank out fantasy DVD pics that get chuckled into a box and pulled out by any production company that needs artwork.

Here's the alternative cover which does at least have the actual stars on it. 

 It's not a bad likeness but they still included a dragon that isn't in the film.  Ok, one flies overhead at one point which really doesn't count. 

Right now onto the film. 

My immediate thought was that "Ancestral world"  is a bunch of "World of Warcraft" cosplayers making their own movie.  The budget isn't the lowest I've ever seen but they still can't afford horses or more than a handful of cast members. However there is enough for some downright wacky costumes.

Let me show you a couple of examples. 

By comparison our heroes are relatively restrained. 

Hero Prince Mairok.  Got enough knives there, mate? 

 

 Heroine Lantris  showing us why people laugh at Female fantasy Armour. 

It's basically a Belly-Dancer outfit with giant-ass shoulder-pads. 

And why is that anyway? 

Why is that women warriors devote 50% of their armour protection to the shoulders

while totally ignoring everything between the boobs and the belt. 

I am so offended I'm going to post a few more pics.

And again with the shoulderpads.  How does she not rip her jugular open everytime she raises her arms? 

 I have nothing clever to say here so enjoy the blatant fanservice. 

I must admit, it is nice to see a fantasy film trying to look fantastic. 

 The story itself is pure RPG.  Our heroes go here, fight somebody for a plot coupon then move on to fight somebody else. Repeat until they have all the bits and the final showdown happens. 

  For some reason the screenwriter thought that we needed to have the king and his pet witch  give a running commentary for people not paying attention. It doesn't work. Neither does reusing the same bit of "epic " music over and over again. 

  There is an attempt to give Lantris an interesting backstory and to develop the relationship between her and Mairok, all of which seems a bit rushed. 

   And that might be the problem. Ancestral World aims big but has neither the time nor budget to pull it off.  If this was an anime series, there'd be a dozen episodes or so to flesh everything out plus add some extra elements  -like.horses. And more people to fight. And the  dragon advertised on the cover!

How much did I pay for this? £3

Was it worth it?  Personally I thought "Ancestral World" was sort-of OK. It's the sort of generic, low-budget fantasy you watch once then offload to CEX next time you pass by. Seen worse. Seen better. 

 If you really have a thing for women in impractical shoulderpads then you might dig this. Otherwise, as long as you don't expect too much you might find it keeps you diverted for a bit. 

That's all folks.