Terrible Metal Album Covers - Chapter 9

 I suppose I really should thank the bands featured below. Without them I'd be sat here, coffee growing ever colder, wondering what to write about.
 Thanks guys.
Some of you still need to give your art department a proper slap, however.
 Let's start with a recent example: 

Vanlade - Iron Age (USA 2012)

 That's a talented artist but what I'm looking at is:  a painting of an angry man grabbing 

his balls while ignoring the mermaid trying to give him a sword. 

  If you wanted me to think your band is a piss-take then that's the way to do it.

 Vopo's - Conquer (Netherlands 2003)

Tacky and disturbing.

Includes a track called "Speedbanging Babies" by the way.

No, that song isn't on Youtube. Pity.

 Riff Raff - Give The Dead Man Some Water (Finland 1983)

Another artist who seems to struggle with drawing faces. 

Warminster - Out Of The Ashes EP (USA 1986)

After all those posts devoted to underdressed warrior women, here's one for the ladies.

You're welcome. 

Possibly the least macho barbarian hero ever. 

And what the hell is that he's holding anyway?

A quick poke on Youtube reveals a pretty decent US Metal band.

Virgin Steele - The Marriage Of Heaven And Hell Pt II (USA 1995)

Words fail me.

 Helvede - Anywhere (Italy 1996)

Some sort of Playpus-Man desperately struggles to escape from a swirly space vortex. 

Possibly the least "Metal" album cover I've ever posted here.

Custard - For My King (Germany 2000)

Now this is a bit more like it. Is there any doubt that you're looking at a Heavy Metal album?
Of course the band do have other problems .
Like the name. Custard. Seriously? 
As to the cover, I shall just point out that Muscles do not work that way.

And finally, in this age of photoshop it's nice to see people still using the traditional methods.

Dystera - Journey Into The Shades (Switz. 2009)

First time I saw this I thought it was from 1985.
The band are a classy Symphonic Outfit. 
They deserve better.  

Anyway, that's it for now.