Terrible Metal Album Covers - Chapter 12

 I apologise in advance for what I am about to do to your eyes, your sanity  and possibly your very soul. For tonight the gates of Crap Album Art Hell are thrown wide and the beasts are loosed among us.
 (That being said crap album art is no guarantee of musical incompetence. Every Metal band in existence has at least one album cover that they are ashamed of.)  

 You know what...I think the theme of this post is going to be "Blokes with swords - but done badly"

Excess Pressure - Of Dreams And Nightmares (Germany 2008)

The orignal artwork was a bit better but sadly the artist chose to work in 

watercolours and some buffoon knocked a glass of water all over it.

That's my theory at any rate.

Here's what they sound like.  Not bad.

Attacker - Battle At Helm's Deep (USA 1985)

Worried looking man in his pants battles a lizard/bat/cicada thing.

I've read Lord of the Rings and I don't remember that bit at all. 

Maybe it was in the Silmarillion. 

He really does look like he's bricking himself, doesn't he?

Atlain - Living In The Past - Germany 1984

So there's this lizardman, minding his own business in his little cellar, when 

this blue bloke with an enormous chopper busts in and starts smashing the place up.

Bloody hooligans. 

Gotham City - The Unknown (Sweden 1984)

Golgar the Monochrome vows to hunt down 

the evildoers who nicked his other 

glove and make them pay. 

Pay! These were a custom job, dammit!

Crazy Lazy - Que Viva El Rock! (Mexico  1985)

 Spikes...so many spikes...

Hawaii - The Natives Are Restless (USA 1985)

Posing On top of a Mountain ...check

Maiden clinging to your leg...Check

Exploding volcano for extra points ...Check.

This cover would be Conan-Approved if not for two things.

1. Mate, you look like an angry Smurf

and 

2. You forgot your sword.

(Or you're holding something else in your hand....)

And finally, proving that the art of the badly-drawn barbarian is alive and well,

I give you...

Dragon - Victoria (Argentina 2012)

 He seems happy about something.

That's all folks.