The Ministry of Dong Punching

 One of my problems is that I keep forgetting that I think slightly differently to a lot of people. Or to put it another way, I am terminally weird. Case in point: Today at work.
 In an idle moment I was amusing myself with a game of "What if I became God-emperor Of England." (And please tell me it's not just me that does this) and I got to thinking:



 Even with the best will in the world I may not be able to rescue Britain's economy and I probably can't get all the homeless a warm bed and a hot meal...
 But I bet I can do something to thin out the UK's ever-growing herd of wankers, dickheads and card-carrying bastards. At this point I'll quickly show you the song that gave me inspiration. 

 Why not have a government department devoted to making the UK a better place through applied violence? Applied right to the naughty bits, in fact. 
  Picture the scene: You're some knobend of a reality tv star who's made his name through being tanned and acting like an utter tool for the cameras. Or you're ...say..GM of an energy provider that just ratcheted up the prices because you could. Or you're Piers Morgan. Life is currently good.

But then one night comes a knock on your door.

 Outside there are two unsmiling men in dark but classically cut suits. 

One of them flashes a warrant card 

"We are with the MDP. You have been found guilty of being a bit of a twat."

A strong right-hander slams into your scrotum, making your two veg rattle like pinballs.

Justice has been served as well as  one hell of an incentive towards good behaviour

 While I was enjoying the mental image of Mr Dickhead from Big Brother curled up and whimpering, the young lady who works next to me made the mistake of asking why I was laughing.

And I made the mistake of telling her. In detail.

I think it was while showing her the badge I'd been doodling - a mailed fist crushing two gooseberries - that I looked at her strained smile and realised the good ship Big D had strayed into waters marked "Here be dragons"

 Certainly she was very quiet for the rest of the day and hid behind her monitor every time I looked over.

So..um.. there isn't really any moral to this episode.

Except...

Some thoughts really should not be shared.