Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do At Work

Inspired by the legendary Skippy's list, here's a short list of things I've been told not to do any more.

D is not allowed to weaponise stationery.

D is not allowed to ask if anybody wants a hammer fight

D is not allowed to headbutt his computer

D is not allowed to bite his computer

D is not allowed to call his computer nasty names.

D is not allowed to taunt the fax machine.

The IT team did not "write the software with spoons sellotaped to their dicks" and D is not allowed to say this any more.  

D is not allowed to throw chocolate bars into the middle of the office floor and shout “Fight for it.”

D is not allowed to call his team-mates “Bloody boring” when they refuse to fight for his entertainment. 

D is not allowed to put Black Metal onto the Xmas party playlist

D is not allowed to sing to himself in the office.  It’s not particularly annoying . He just can’t sing for shit.

D is not allowed his own entrance music.

D is not allowed to add items to the meeting agenda, especially if they are about building Giant Robot Spiders.

Or whether Rarity is really "the best pony." 

D is not allowed to do *that* smile. He knows the one we mean.

D is not allowed to draw sea monsters on the notice board.

Or Dragons.

D is not allowed to draw any animal on the notice board whether real or mythological.

D is not allowed to tell customers that late return of paperwork will lead to a clown eating their soul. 

D is basically not to do stuff that D thinks is funny. even if he is "A bit bored"

That's All Folks.

Have a  Great Christmas and I'll see you next year.