Sunday, 31 May 2015

Heavy Metal Cover Girls : Water

  Heavy Metal Cover Girls came about because I noticed that certain themes kept coming up time and time again. Some have obvious attractions for Metal bands (Women with swords, women with guns, women hanging around in forests...) others maybe not so much.

Here's an example. How many metal album covers would you expect to see that feature a woman standing in water?
Well, I found quite a few and as always it's interesting to see what different artists can do with the same concept.
We'll start with the idea displayed in its simplest form.

Vita Nova - S/T (USA/Italy 2013) 

album cover woman water
 A young lady with striking hair gazes into the distance - except she just happens to be up to her waist in water. Sometimes I like to try and come up with a story to go with the cover. What's the story here? Why is her hand surrounded by light? How does she get her hair to do that?
You can go from "Serenity" to "Something terrible is about to happen" very quickly.

Macallister Project - Profecias De un Uevo Mundo (Spain 2013)

 Not standing but wading, looking determined. 
She's ruined that nighty, you know. 

Macallister Project seem to like this trope as they used it on their first album as well.

Por Amor Al Arte (2012)

album cover woman in dress lake
The fanciest swimsuit ever.

The band didn't sound anything like my expectations. 

That wasn't bad. Loving the bagpipes. 

The next two involve nudity. Personally I'm OK with that on album covers - as long as knives aren't involved - but a NSFW warning seems only fair.

Mournful Gust - For All The Sins (Ukraine 2013)

Metal cd cover nude woman lake
A cover that has a bit of the Classical about it. 
And if you know your Greek mythology, you'll know that being around a bathing nymph 
ends badly for somebody so let's hurriedly move on. 

A band that has Mournful in the name is not going to to be happy-clappy, are they?

Nattsmyg - Fylgja (Sweden 2011)

album cover + naked woman + sea
She's just standing there...
So why does this feel so sinister?
Can we run away now?

Nattsmyg are a one-man Black/Viking Metal project and a lot more interesting than I thought they would be. 

This one's a lot more dynamic.

Crazy Rain - Life illusion (Italy 2014)

album cover sea goddess
You know what I said earlier about the story behind the cover and how it can get to "Something terrible"? very quickly.
Now is this the "Something terrible"?
Or did "something terrible" happen earlier and this is a pissed off sea goddess getting her payback?

You don't see enough bellydancing in metal videos.

Since I have more of these than I thought I did,  expect the rest in a day or so.

Hope you liked the covers
Hope you liked the music
And remember, if you meet a young lady who always seems to be slightly damp..
Don't piss her off unless you are really good at swimming.

That's all folks.

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Wrestling Revue October 1971

I dusted off my scanner at the weekend. ( Literally. Anybody know why computer desks attract so much frigging dust? ) and scanned some of the more interesting pics in the October 1971 issue of Wrestling Revue. Hope you like them. 

Sunday, 24 May 2015

The Eurovision Metal Contest 2015 pt 5

  Before we go any further...last night's real Eurovision was yet another dickslap across the face of the United Kingdom. I'm seriously considering giving up watching it...

  Who am I kidding. I'll be right there next year, taking the piss and getting irate at the voting shenanigans.

Never mind that. Let's go to a contest with some actual credibility and absolutely no tactical voting whatsoever. or voting at all.
This is the 5th and final part of  The 2015 Eurovision Metal Contest. I hope you find something to like.

Kronos - Heavy Metal (2013)

Honour to: kkjujc44444

Genocide Kommando - Black Metal Supremacy (2002)

Honour to: 666Balanitis

Traktor - Professors Of Metal (2013)

Honour to: Traktor
Band homepage:

Iron Curtain - Pacto Con El Metal (2012)

Honour to: DeFeisss

That's all folks.

Saturday, 23 May 2015

The Eurovision Metal Contest 2015 (pt 4)

  I'm amazed at how many songs I've actually been able to find for this. 

Here's Group 4.


FreaKings - Thrash Metal (2013)

Honour to: FreaKingsBand

Smiercieslau - Viercznaje Gora, Black Metal dy Bol (2013)

Honour to:Serge Serg

 (Technically this band are Bosnian/American but at this point I shall clutch any straw I can find.)

Emir Hot - Sevdah Metal Rhapsody (2011)

(Bit of an epic but not bad at all.
I can even live with the drum solo)

Honour to: MagAlchemist

In stark contrast...

Sigismund - Black Metal  (2004)

Honour to: Sortiarius

Jumalation - March Of The Jumalation/ Metalshock (2011)

Honour to: Pedro Anthares

That's all folks.
Final part tomorrow.

Thursday, 21 May 2015

The Eurovision Metal Contest 2015 (pt 3)

 As it turned out, I not only have enough songs for a Group 3 but possibly a Group 4 and 5 as well.
So without further ado, here's another  fistful of Metal bands striving to bring glory to their homeland.
Well they would, if they actually knew they were in a contest...

Vega - Heavy Metal Religija (2007)

Honour to: davac0

Pitch Black - Thrash Metal Elite (2009)

Honour to: Dogspeed McGrooves

I've been trying to use songs from within the last decade or so but so far I've drawn a blank for this country.
Sorry, people of Turkey. I've let you down.

Dr Skull - Metal On Metal (1991)

Honour to: Mohammed di Alkadry

Rocka Rollas - Metalive (2013)

 Honour to: Luigi A

If you thought this group of songs had entirely too much melody, I can fix that for you.

Gromm - The Pest Of Black Metal (2009)

 Honour to: Demoniumgates

That's all folks.

See you tomorrow for more hopeful contestants. 

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

The Eurovision Metal Contest 2015 (pt 2)

 For those of you wondering why (Famous Metal band from Country X) hasn't been posted, I should clarify that each and every single one of these songs must contain the word "Metal"
 That's the only rule I cannot and will not break.

Anyway, time for Group 2. I hope you find something you like.  

Krematorium - Metal Massacre (2009)

Honour to: Krematorium01

Sinners - MetalForce (2014)

Honour to: Sinners

Steel Raiser - Metal Maniac (2013)

(My favourite in this Group by a long way. I'd like to hear more of these guys.)

Honour to: Metaheaven000

Dim Aura - Black Metal Genocide (2013)

Honour to: DimAuraBM

The Outer Limits - World Metal Domination (Video 2011)

Honour to: illnino3000

That's all folks.
Pt 3 Coming soon.

Monday, 18 May 2015

Eurovision Metal Contest 2015 Pt 1

Since the Eurovision Song Contest is almost upon us, I thought it only appropriate that today's edition of the Metal project has a Pan-European theme.
 That's right, metalheads, it's time for The Third Annual Metal Project Eurovision Song Contest.

Over the next few posts bands from all over Europe will compete for your votes. Let me know what you think.

Baalberith - Black Metal War (2008)

Honour to: Jack Hart

Panzerchrist - Metal Tribes (2011)

Honour to: Greni133

Demolition Train - Metal Mayhem (2015)

Personally I'm voting for this one.
 It made me want to drink beer and fight bears.
 If that's not what metal is all about then I don't know what is.

 Honour to: Demolition Train

Heavatar - To The Metal (2013)

(This one is really not what you'd expect)

 Honour to: Multiltrailer

Since Austrlia are competing in this year's Eurovision I thought the Land Down Under should get to play in Eurometal too.

Astralion - We All Made Metal (2015)

Honour to: LIMB Music

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Cheapo DVD Review: P51 Dragon Fighter

The Nazis Just Turned Up The Heat

" As World War Two rages on, the Allies are about to push the Nazis out of North Africa. However, unbeknownst to them, the Nazis have found and been cultivating a long forgotten creature to fight on their side.
 Soon they unleash an ancient terror and out of the night sky the Allies are ambushed by dragons. Facing annihilation, the allies must bring together the best P-51 pilots from different Allied forces on a desperate mission to fight the dragons, battling this new threat to civilisation."

Obligatory DVD Cover Gripe Here. Why is the cover showing Spitfires fighting Dragons over London
 I mean, I'd love to see that film but it is a tad misleading, dontcha think?

Moving on...

  In theory this should be a firm contender for "Bestest movie idea ever" Nazi dragons dogfighting with WW2 could that not be awesome? There's even some gorgeous women thrown into the mix.

  But while I really enjoyed the climactic battle, where our motley collection of Allied flyboys mix it up with the leathery-winged Axis secret weapon, "P51 Dragon Fighter" never quite soars as it should.

  There's a couple of things that really got up my nose and the film couldn't manage to get me back on side afterwards.

Essentially I had problems with the believability of events.

 This is going to sound really strange but while I had no problem accepting that Nazi occultists were controlling dragons, as a card-carrying WW2 aircraft geek I found the idea of the USAAF using P51Ds in North Africa utterly ridiculous. That model didn't come in until early 1944, by which point the only Germans left in North Africa were grumpy prisoners and the odd,suspiciously blue-eyed Bedouin.

  Much later on the good guys get a bit of assistance from an unlikely source. so unlikely in fact that my neighbours may have got woken up by a bellow of "Are you F****** kidding me?"
 A plot-critical infodump is handled in a way that would be considered silly in an episode of Care Bears.

There are other, lesser, flaws.

 The idea of a washed up pilot being put in charge of a top secret band of misfits is old-hat but servicable and while I give the cast my respect for doing their best, most of them don't get enough character development to make their appearance worthwhile - or their demise meaningful.
 Another good idea  let down in execution.

 The Nazi witchcs were something else that could been a good drama device but don't do much beyond posing on convenient outcrops and the odd sing-song.
 Nazi witches. Come on people. That's a great idea in itself and you bottled it.

There's a romance. There always is. It's not as annoying as the one in Pearl Harbor I suppose. I could still have done with fewer meaningful chats and more dogfighting mind you.

Plus points. There is something satisfying about seeing a dragon and a P-51 bearing down on each other. As a proud Brit, I'm rather pleased that the RAF and the SAS get to play too. And some of the cast deliver a better performance than "P51 Dragon Fighter" possibly deserves.

How much did I pay for this? £4
Was it worth it? Not really.

Sadly we have yet to see the definitive WW2 fighters v monsters movie. "P51 Dragon Fighter" has a good go at it but is let down by budget, some storytelling issues and a research department that really need to brush up on their aviation history.
 Maybe the props team just couldn't get hold of enough P40 Warhawks.

That's all folks. 
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