Lawnmower Deth Let Slip The Snails Of War

 Many years ago I picked up a split LP which immediately drew my attention. One one side you had UK hardcore oddballs Metal Duck - a band who allegedly never managed to play a single show where all 4 members showed up - and on the other side, Nottingham thrashers Lawnmower Deth.

 It has to be said that LD had a creative take on thrash metal, eschewing songs about war, politics and Satan in favour of catchy ditties about err..lawnmowers, vomiting and whatever the hell Umph Umlah was about.  Naturally I loved it and I've had a soft spot for them ever since. 

 (Just a thought: when the big names of the UK thrash scene  - Onslaught and Sabbat - suddenly self-destructed there was a brief period when Lawnmower Deth may have been  the UK's biggest thrash band. Feel free to confirm or deny this. Besides, how many metal bands managed to get Kim frigging Wilde to collaborate on a Christmas single? I'm sure that proves something.)

Anyway, much to my delight Lawnmower Deth have returned to action with a new song and a video which really needs more attention.  

Ladies and gentlemen, Boys and Girls and Lawnmower lovers of all ages, may I share with you:

Lawnmower Deth - Raise Your Snails. 

Eurovision 2015 - And Who Britain Should Enter This Year.

 Once again the annual Guilty Pleasure that is the Eurovision Song Contest is bearing down upon us.

Now I will cheerfully admit to watching it religiously every year, although I do have to temporarily disable my musical filters. As any fan will tell you,  Eurovision exists in it's on bizarre bubble of cheesiness and naive sincerity and normal musical rules do not apply.

However as a proud Brit, I have been more than a little dismayed at how badly our entries have gone of late.

We've tried aging crooners 

We've tried aging Welshwomen

We've tried aging boybands

We've even tried new blood.

 And every single one of them ended up in the bottom end of the table, looking up at all manner of Eastern European oddness.  

Face it, the only reason we even qualify these days is because the BBC pays a small fortune for the privilege.

I think this year the UK should do something differently.

I think this year the UK should send these guys.

 The one, the only, the semilegendary...

Personally I think the 'Deth boys are supremely qualified.  And here's why.

They're good at writing short, but catchy songs. 

With only 3 minutes to play with, any Eurovision has to make an impact 

right away and then linger in the  Judges's heads afterwards.

Lawnmower Deth are quiet good at that. 

Try getting this song out of your head.  

Their lyrics deal with serious social issues. 

Eurovision loves bands with a message. 

How about a song about the harsh life of the modern working man? 

Lawnmower Deth songs transcend national boundaries.

I think no matter what your creed or colour you can relate to these lyrics.

 Lawnmower Deth are accomplished and entertaining as a live act.

Their lives shows are legendary and people from all over Europe flock to see them.

 See for yourselves. 

 If Lordi can win for Finland, why can't the Mower Liberation front win for the UK?

I honestly think these Nottingham lads would be in with a chance. 

And if all else fails, having a Lawnmower-themed Thrash Metal act would deliver an unmistakable message to the rest of Europe.

Vote Lawnmower Deth for Eurovison 2015.

Not only will they be great but it'll really piss off those continental twats. 

That's all folks.