Reinforcements have arrived: Car Boot Sale Finds

 Last weekend I finally got to hit the Southsea car boot sale and along with some books and a stack of anime DVDS I paid the princely sum of £5 for a tub of toy soldiers. One I'd thrown away the ones that were broken I was left with a small selection of interesting stuff.

A pair of Romans

Missing weapons but I might be able to make some spears with leftover bits of plastic.

I wonder if Ebay has anything?

A knight and a squaddie

A veritable Goliath of an armoured knight and a plucky WW2 infantryman

who I clearly photographed at the wrong angle. Dammit.

The knight can be part of my increasingly numerous Medieval force. 

Maybe I ought to dub him Sir Hector The Huge.  

And finally the figures that  I was most interested in. 

Some bandsmen (marines?) and a stray Highland Piper. 

These will fit in nicely with the Guardsmen I picked up a while back

(see this post here: Vintage Toy Monster)

I have no idea what firm made any of these. I do think they are old-ish.

I also think I got pretty good value for £5. 

That's All Folks

All glory to the Pink Lord

 Just something I had to get out of my system.

Book Review: Harry Harrison & Leon Stover - Stonehenge (1972)

 

"Ason, Prince Of Mycenae, escapes slavery and death at the hands of the King Of Atlantis hen catstrophe strike that mighty empire. He sets sail on a perilous journey to the island of the Yerni. But there he discovers that an important Mycenaean mine has been ransacked and all the workers butchered. Savagely he aanges his dead countrymen, amking himselfchief of the island's warring tribes. To consolidate his newly-won power he orders a mighty symbol of unity and stregth to be built: Stonehenge"

 I picke dthis one up from a charity shop, mainly for two reasons, firstly, seeing the name Harry Harrison on the cover and secondly, the cover itself is metal as fuck. 

So metal, in fact that NWOBHM outfit tank reused it for one of their album covers. 

I miss the days when HM album covers looked like this. 

 To be fair, the basic idea also sounded interesting; taking the known trade connections between the Aegean and Britain and throwing in a bit of Atlantis in there too. In this case, Atlantis is based on the island of Thera, the island which exploded in 1476ish so was (possibly) a factor in the Agean Collapse.  

 I suspect the idea of Ancient Greeks and a stray Egyptian being responsible for Stonehenge is one that makes historians mutter darkly but I will give the authors credit for trying to create a feasible pre-Iron Age Britain that leans heavily on Celtic warrior culture. 

 I also suspect that this is more Leon Stover's book more than Harry Harrison. Harrison normally makes his characters more likeable than this and one major issue is that "hero" Ason is a bit of an arsehole.  A violent, rape-y arsehole with very little charm. 

 That aside, Stonehenge is written well enough, has a decent lot of action and does manage to get everything said and done in under 220 pages.  That's not counting the quick history notes at the back. 

To sum up: If you can get past the hero and are willing to roll with the history then this is decent read, with some interesting ideas.  

 Before I finish, the notes at the back do feature the absolutely fascinating Irish tale of the carving of Mac da Tho's Pig. Basically a bunch of Irish warriors arguing over who gets first dibs on a nice bit of pork and some absolutely brutal verbal smackdowns being dished out. 

The Blog The Head of Donn Bó has a brilliant pair of writeups so go check him out:

https://headofdonnbo.wordpress.com/2015/09/04/the-story-of-mac-da-thos-pig-part-1/
https://headofdonnbo.wordpress.com/2015/09/11/the-story-of-mac-da-thos-pig-part-2/

That's All Folks

Upcoming gigs in Pompey

 You wait ages for a Metal band to come to Pompey and then you get three shows arrive at once.

I don't know if I can make any of these because somehow my knees are 10 years older than the rest of me, but damn, these all look very cool.

Steel On The Solent 2026

The three big draws for me would be Holocaust, Quartz and Elixir. (I already saw Saracen years back.)  An opportunity to see some bonafide, classic NWOBHM is something you get rarely and it's almost certainly the only chance I will ever get. The newer bands all sound like stuff I like too. 

Then in June we get...

 Riot V

 

 A band I do not know as well as I should but I think we all respect the history here. 

Then finally...

Fortress Under Siege

A Power Metal band playing Pompey?  The gods of metal are being kind, aren't they? 

Maybe I'll see you there? 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Motorcyle Mamas.

 It's been well over a year since I did a Cover Girls post so here we go.  

For those of you wondering what the hell this is all about let me explain. 

The short version: Album covers with women on them, 

usually pretty, frequently badass, sometimes downright disturbing. 

The longer version: Over the years I have noticed that rock and 

metal cover artists have themes that they keep coming back to: 
warriors, monsters, machines, things on fire and so on.

As a general rule of thumb, if a theme has been used once,

somebody else WILL do their own version of it. 

Now you'd think that "Just put a hot babe on the cover"

is a theme in itself  and yes, there are covers like that. 

However I am more interested in album covers which 

put in significantly  more effort to set a theme

and give you at least an idea of the tone of the album.

Anyway, you're probably wanting me to STFU and get on with it.

Bitch Queen - Kill Your Friends (Switzerland 2014)

Ooh, not a happy young lady is she?

If this was a movie poster you just know there's some

 "Carrie" levels of mayhem incoming. 

Bloody Nightmare - Hellwolf (Colombia 2018)

 Young lady, where is your helmet? 

Where is your jacket and bike boots?

Then again, if you're riding pillion on a flaming bike, with 

a satanic werewolf  at the controls and

 ..wait... is that fucking lava? 

Never mind, safety is not a big priority with you is it? 

Next up,  another topless pillion rider because once again, if it has been done once,

it has been done twice and maybe a dozen times.

Metaluria - Fuerzas En la Noche (Argentina 2016)

The band turned up with a list of things they wanted on the cover.

"We want motorbikes..and a sexy babe..and a guitar..and MONSTER TRUCKS

and it has to be totally badass. " and to his credit, the artist delivered. 

Stutz - Keep Runnin' (USA 2022)

 I am beginning to see a bit of a trend here. 

None of these Cover Girls are in it just for 

the pleasure of the open road and the

 cameraderie of the motorcycle community. 

Anyway, our blonde anti-heroine is clearly 

having the time of her life so...

Good for you, I guess?

War Of Shards - Two Oaths (Single Russia 2019)

A lot going on here, 
Sci-fi bikes that owe a lot to Akira and/or Tron.

Some sort of hot pursuit.

Bit unclear whether these are heroes or baddies.

And once again, a blatant disregard for even the most basic safety standards. 

I have enough motorbike covers for a second post and for that one,

I plan to go with something a bit less ..destructive.

That's All Folks

Film Review: Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space (2022)

 

Two visitors from the Planet Crabulon come to Earth seeking...something... we never quite find out. Their first contact with humanity goes horribly wrong and leads to the Aliens going on a cocaine-fuelled orgy of violence.

 Can a disgraced detective and a pet-store worker stop them before the world is overrun by coked up crustaceans?  

This was an experience. 

Whatever I was expecting from a film called "Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space",  the reality was something different. 

To begin with, this clearly has no budget. I've seen plenty of low-budget films before (Check out this page for a selection:  FILMS ) but this doesn't even have that level of budget. 

 Case in point: the Alien crabs are plastic toys, occasionally being lobbed at their human victims by somebody offscreen.  

The human cast are enthusiastic amateurs and the production crew is basically one guy called Chuck. (who also stars and possibly made the coffee & sandwiches too.) 

Before you go away thinking that I hated this movie, not so fast. 

No, this is not a "good" movie.  Then again, with this sort of backyard project, normal definitions of "good", "bad" and "Sane" don't really apply. 

Somewhat to my surprise, I sort of enjoyed it.  It definitely was an interesting 83 minutes. I think what helped is that "..Crabs" takes the basic idea and the lack of FX budget and just goes for it.  

The two leads are easy to like too. As are the crazed killer crabs.  You might be baffled, but you won't be bored. 

To sum up:  Approach with caution and low expectations and see what happens

That's All Folks

The Metal Project: Metal Makes The Future

 

The header above pretty much says it all but since I haven't done one of these posts in forever, let me quickly explain.  This all started not long after I'd started this blog.  I was thinking "I wonder how many songs with Metal in the title I can find on Youtube?"

It turned out that the answer was "A lot."

Like, seriously a lot.  As of last counting, I'd found 1691.  If you want a proper list check out this page here: Song List

(Not all of them are still up on Youtube because of that platform's distressing propensity for nuking accounts. Sorry.) 

Anyway, that brings me to todays ever so belated update. Here's a selection of songs and I sincerely hope you find something you like.

Whistle Horse - Mexican Metal Force (Mexico 2026)

 Honour to: NWOTHMFullAlbums

Freedom Call - Heavy Metal Happycore (Germany 2026)

Honour to: Steamhammer Records

Bullet - Chained By Metal (Sweden 2026)

Honour to: Steamhammer Records

Phantom Excaliver - Metal Makes The Future (Japan 2025)

Honour to: Phantom Excaliver band

Steel Sentinel - Pedal to The Metal (Mexico 2013)

Honour to: Steel Sentinel

That'll do it for tonight. If I have my calculations right, one more post and I'll be past the 1700 mark. I also reckon I have enough songs to keep this going for several years yet.  

In fact, I think Youtube is adding songs faster than I can post them. Yikes.

That's All Folks. 

Visiting The Vintage Toy Monster

 So there I was, half-asleep on my sofa, idly scrolling through Youtube subscriptions and suggestions when something interesting popped up. Along with all the "I built a shelter in the forest with nothing but a backpack full of tools" and the AI-generated slop I got this: 

Credit to: TOY OVERDOSE

My immediate reaction was "Oooohhhhh. That looks cool"  promptly followed by "How come I haven't heard of this place?" 

Because it's in Copnor and I never go anywhere near that part of Pompey. 

Time to change that.

Come payday I climbed onto a bus and headed off to Copnor. Which took ages because: bus 

First impressions were encouraging.

Peering at the window

I did ask if I could take pictures inside so here you go:

In short, exactly the sort of place I was hoping to find.  And yes, I did buy some stuff.

Starting with some recruits for my army:

 I now have a detachment of Lifeguards for my Imperial Palace. 

The nice chap behind the counters seemed to think they were Britain's figures so lord knows how old they are. Good condition, regardless of age.  

Initially I just found two or three figures floating out in the tub but the owner told me "There should be some more in there" so pulled out the tub, got on his hands and knees and began rummaging until he'd found the bag they'd all escaped from. I did appreciate that. 

 I then found a bag of Guardsmen. Also Britain's, I think 

    A nice little guard detachment and it is nice to add something to my collection that isn't generic Vietnam war soldier batch 16. I could actually display these if I had the space. 

Memo to self: get a lottery ticket tonight. 

While I was at it, I also found this striking young lady.  

I have no bloody idea who this is but she's wearing a leather bikini and if you read this blog semi-regularly, you'll know I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. 

To sum up: Was Vintage Toy Monster worth the long-ass bus ride. Yes

Did I get some cool stuff? Yes

Would I like to take my brother and his kids there so they can go "Oohh." as well. Very much yes. 

That's All Folks

Film Review : Caligula - The Ultimate Cut

 

 "Caligula" has gone down in history as one of cinema's most troubled productions.  The writer wanted to make a grand historical epic, the director wanted to make a darkly comic satire and the producer wanted lots and lots of sex. The result was a bit of a mess that nobody was happy with.

When it was released the film outraged critics, moralists and cinemagoers and also kicked off several lawsuits. 

I suspect the real Caligula would have been delighted by all this. 

This version has supposedly been put together from the original footage and is touted as being the "closest to writer Gore Vidal's original vision." 

 So after all this time has somebody managed to make this infamous trainwreck into a good film?  

Well, my first thought is "Does this bloody movie really need to be almost 3 hours long?"  A film about one of history's premier bloodthirsty madmen is always going to be a hard watch and all that extra time made it a real slog. 

 There are some positives:  Malcolm Mcdowell gives an astonishing, dynamic performance. He goes from playful to malevolent and back again in seconds and even manages some tender moments. 

 It's difficult to feel any sympathy towards such a nasty piece of work but he almost manages it. 

 Maybe it's just my interpretation but the impression I got is that his Caligula is actively going out of his way to wind up the rest of the world. Like somebody handed him the world's biggest toybox and he got bored of it already.  

Next up we have Helen Mirren as Caesonia. Ok, ridiculously hot  - and  also a great performance that's downright restrained compared to Mcdowell, but that's why it worked, I felt. 

Peter O'Toole may have been drunk the whole time his raddled, degenerate Tiberius is on screen.  Meh, it sort of fits. 

Visually, "Caligula" looks amazing. The sets and costumes are glorious, and the whole thing is composed and shot really well.  

However, all this still leaves the central problem. "Caligula" is not an easy film to watch. 

 A bit like Caligula himself, the film is trying to be shocking, so entirely too many graphic orgies and I could really have done without the bit where Caligula rapes a a pair of newlyweds. Or the scene where Caligula turns the birth of his child into a grotesque tableau. Or....

You get the idea.  

 Then there is the overall tone. Thanks to various people trying to pull the film in different directions Caligula keeps veering into absurdity. I couldn't tell you how much of it was meant to be absurd or just landed that way. It would be camp if it wasn't for the rape, murder and so on.  

And lastly, I just didn't think the film flowed. It was just a collection of incidents, loosely hung together on a frame. I didn't get the sense that Caligula was descending into madness.  

What you end up with is a film that doesn't work as a drama, is too grotesque to be erotic and too brutal to be camp. 

I think I might have enjoyed the unrestored version more. 

Might

Watching Caligula is definitely an experience. Whether you enjoy said experience is a whole other question.