Tuesday, 22 August 2017

A Surfeit Of Bags

  When the UK Government introduced the Carrier Bag Charge in 2015 I think I ended up doing what a lot of people did.  Given the option of a flimsy bag for 5p or paying a little more for something that could be reused, I naturally went for the reusable bags.

 And this would have been great if I'd ever remembered to reuse them. 

 What tended to happen was that I'd decide to do some shipping on the spur of the moment, realise I'd forgotten to bring the damn bags once again and pay for yet another reusable bag which ended up on top of my kitchen cabinets.

 After two years, that sort of thing really mounts up so when I went on an uncharacteristic decluttering binge I pulled all the bags down from the tops of my cabinets and ended up looking at this.  

  Well crap, That's a lot of bags, isn't it? 

 I shudder to think how much all this lot cost me. 

  There isn't really a punchline to this post, except to say that once upon a time I had a stockpile of cheapo carrier bags. I still have a stockpile of carrier bags except they're bigger, more expensive and more difficult to slip into my back pocket on the offchance that I decide to nip into Iceland.   Oh joy. 

Sunday, 13 August 2017

Terrible Metal Album Covers- Chapter XXVI

Hello and how has your weekend been?  Mine's been mostly OK although I really wish the seagulls that have been squawking non-stop since 4AM would pack up and sod off to somewhere far away from me.

Tell you what. Let's have a look at some album covers that are a bit shite, shall we?

Some bands have a good concept but do it badly, some have a bad concept and do it really badly and some just threw a handful of crayons at the wall and used  the result. I leave it to you to decide which is which.

 Before we go any further I'd like to issue my usual disclaimer.

Bad cover does not equal bad band. 

Now read on. 

Chaos Injected - S/T 2016

Terrible metal album covers

There's a man surfing in a toilet. 
That's the not even the most bizarre thing about this cover.
Ho Boy.

Roctum - Nothing To Do With Hell EP (Finland 2017)

These Finns make it perfectly clear that they aren't Satanic.
Still not exactly people you'd invite around for milk and cookies though.
They seem entirely too keen on stabbing dudes for my liking.

Demon - Blow-Out (UK 1992)

Question: If you didn't know this band, what do you think they'd sound like based on this album cover?
Dodgy Teutonic Speed Metal?
Raucous South American Thrash?

Here's a perfect example of a band being let down by their artwork because this Staffordshire
crew have been delivering sophisticated, intelligent hard rock since 1980 and
sound more like Magnum than whatever mental image that cover brought up.

Great band.
Terrible cover.

Dark - Sex N Death (Cz. Rep. 1992)

awful metal artwork

So what does this cover have to do with "Sex", exactly?

Dark have a song called "Sex Shop of Doctor Fuctor" which amuses me more than it should.

Harrow - The Pylon Of Insanity (NLD 1994) 

Bad metal album covers

The pylons are apparently made of  turds so that's pretty insane.

Sticking with giant-ass eyes... 

Dizziness - On The Rocks (Sweden 2013)

awful metal album covers
 The artist is trying to be clever, isn't he?

He also seems to think it's still 1984.

Dawn Hawk -S/T (1990)

terrible album cover metal hawk
I'm going to have nightmares about giant, clutching pink claws tonight, I just know it.

Time for me to go shout at some seagulls so I'll knock it on the head.

That's All folks. 

Saturday, 5 August 2017

The Osborne Road Gallery

 While on my way down to the seafront to snap some ships I took a moment on the way to document some of the current artwork decorating the defunct Grosvenor Casino.  Hope you like them.

Southsea Osborne road murals
  One of the trademarks of this artist is birds looking pleased with themselves. 
The seagulls round here are even more arrogant and, sadly, nowhere near as charming. 
  A pair of surly looking dogs. I think they're dogs. Definitely scoring higher for "muscle" than brains though.

  I don't really understand this one but that's OK. It's still pretty cool. 
  Another satisfied bird. This one has wandered over from France and is enjoying his day out. 
 I find this picture to be interesting. The combination of skull faced guy and birds works really well.
Again, I only have the vaguest idea of what the artist was trying to say but I've never been good with that kind of thing. Something about a scary visage not being a clue to the man inside?   Comment below if you feel differently.

  All credit to the artists involved and I look forward to seeing what you're going to do next. 

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

HNoMS Helge Ingstad in Portsmouth

  Yesterday was bright and sunny so I decided to wander down to the seafront to see if I could some pictures of the American carrier that's been parked in the Solent all week.
  This means that there's been several thousand American sailors wandering around Portsmouth looking a bit bemused and no doubt complaining about all the rain.  Still, the pubs and clubs did good business I'm sure.

 As it turned out the USS George W Bush had already pulled up her anchors and was heading out to sea by the time I got there but even as a silhouette on the horizon, she's still a striking sight.

  The George W Bush cruises past one of the Palmerston Forts protecting the harbour.  

    Sorry about the haze. I couldn't see shit in my camera screen so I was pointing vaguely and clicking.    

  I like this pic. Sea, Sky, a bit of Southsea seafront and an American supercarrier all in one shot.  

  But while I missed the a carrier I did manage to get something else instead.  As I was ambling across Southsea Common I spotted something over the top of the Arcade: An angular grey shape slowly moving seaward and starting to pick up speed.
   I picked up speed myself - or as much speed as I can manage these days - and got to the seafront just in time to catch the Norwegian frigate HNoMs Helge Ingstad heading back out to see.

It's a very cool looking ship, isn't it? 
 You can see why I recognised that superstructure immediately, can't you?

 The Norwegians had been in harbour along with a brace of US cruisers. Escort to the USS George W Bush I'm guessing. I wonder if they got annoyed at people assuming they were Americans?

As I mentioned earlier, I was mostly aiming by guess work so this is one of many shots where I missed entirely. 

After the Helge Ingstad headed out to sea I caught a few pics of the Isle of Wight hovercraft coming and going.  

 Word of warning. If you ever decide to watch the hovercraft coming in, make sure you stand well away because the bloody thing kicks up a ton of spray and you will get absolutely soaked.  I speak from soggy experience.
  And there she goes. 
 I would love to have a go on that one of these days. I think I'd need to win the lottery first though. 

 I took some more pics but since there aren't any ships in them I'll save them for another day.

That's All Folks. 

Monday, 31 July 2017

The Metal Project: Metal From The Rising Sun

Heavy metal from japan. Metal songs bout metal, Heavy Metal Blog

 Evening all. 

  For tonight's post I thought I'd stick with points east and revisit a nation that has been a stronghold of Heavy Metal since the 1970s producing a long line of bands with a unique character to them.

 I am, of course, talking about Japan. 


 Sabbat  - Black Metal Scythe (2011)

 Honour to: Teodoro Chivata Bedoyo

Sex Machineguns - Metal Monster (2015)

Honour to: MushroomMetalhead

Personally I think the Japanese language is perfectly suited for Metal.

Hellhound - Metal Zone  (2006)

Honour to: Kristos666

I also find it fascinating that a country famed for politeness and careful social order has produced so many bands playing deranged, filthy, take-no-prisoners, punk-metal. Like this next lot.  

Barbatos - Metal Hangover (2006)

Honour to: depatwiarotz

Sabbrabells - Metal Saber (1985)

Honour to: Rafael Sabino

And to finish:

SSORC- Black Metal Terrorism (2005)

 Honour to: HolocaustBlackMetal

 If you liked any of these songs please remember to check out and support the channels listed above. 
 The only way I can do this Project is by taking advantage of their hard work so believe me, I am grateful.

That's all folks.  

Saturday, 29 July 2017

The Metal Project: Metal Islam

  Hello and welcome to another edition of the Metal Project, which is where i find songs on Youtube that have "Metal" in the title and share them with the world.

  Today's selection of songs are all from countries that are majority Muslim in population. Right away this means that the local scenes have issues that bands in say, Sweden, don't have.  Without wanting to go into crass generalisations, Metal fans in certain countries face astonishing levels of persecution and hostility from the Powers-That-Be. It says a lot for the enduring appeal of heavy metal that despite this, young men and women continue to play loud, hammering music.

   I hope you find something you like and despite whatever differences angry, stupid people put between us,   in the words of Tommy Vance "It's the music that matters"

Nightchains - Metal Storm (Lebanon 2005)

(Starts soft then gets loud real fast.)

 Honour to:  hesherpunk

Zix - Metal Strike (Lebanon 2012)

(I am aware that Lebanon has a large Christian minority so if I have offended anybody I can only plead my ignorance.)

Honour to: Zix Band

Thrashfire - Chainsaw Metal (Turkey 2015)

Honour to: XtreemMusic

  What I do find interesting is that it seems to be the more abrasive forms of metal that have the most fans outside of North America & Europe. I wonder if that's a reaction to cultural and religious norms? 
Somebody smarter than me would have to answer that for you. 

Beton - Anak Metal (Indonesia 2011)

Honour to: ahs pedal

Kalabanganz- Blood & Metal (Malaysia 2012)

Honour to: Angelfornication

Bestial Hordes - Street Metal Bitch (Malaysia 2017)

Honour to: EDP666

If you want to explore further you might find this link helpful.

That's All Folks. 

Sunday, 23 July 2017

Some people have gnomes in their garden...

  Me, I wanted something a little bit more unusual.  I wasn't quite sure exactly what I wanted although I was 100% I didn't want Meerkats either.

  Then one day I spotted the perfect garden accessories. What do you think?

 Brontosaurus from Wilkinsons £5.
Got a few odd looks carrying it home mind you.

  I like to move him around every week or so. 

 I got the bright green Stegosaurus first. They make a lovely couple, don't they?

 Eventually I hope to get some more. I quite fancy a Therizinosaurus.

That's all folks

Monday, 17 July 2017

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Big And Beautiful

Evening all.  

  I've been running through my folder Album Covers and I'm alarmed at how big it's become. At a conservative estimate I could post every day for a month and still have stuff left over. 

  The problem is, finding album covers is a lot easier than coming up with themes to use when posting them. I've had some pics sitting around for a couple of years just waiting for another two or three to make up the set.  

 Maybe I should post a bunch of stuff at random and have done?  

Let's call that Plan B.  In the meantime, how about a small selection of album covers that all take the view that bigger is definitely better?  

Necrowerewolf - Ran (Goddess of The Sea) (Russia 2015)

Album cover giant woman  "Heavy metal cover girls"

   I don't care how brave a Viking you are, when a ginormous woman picks you up and starts studying you like this then the fear will flow from your pants in a runny brown stream. 

Sunday, 9 July 2017

Phantom Excaliver: Fighting Evil with The Power of METAL

  Japan has a proven track record of doing things a bit differently. Pick anything you like and the Japanese will dd that little. unique twist to it and come up with something different. Animation, horror movies, wrestling, comics..and music!

  Melodeath/Power Metal outfit Phantom Excaliver already stand out from the pack thanks to frontman Kacchang's spiky. yellow barnet but their latest video is worth seeing.

  In the promo for 幻の聖剣 (Phantom Holy sword) the band pay tribute to Super Sentai shows by becoming superheros.  The fact that they clearly had a budget of £8.50 just makes it even more entertaining.

Watch and see for yourself. 

That's All Folks

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

The Metal Project: America F*** Yeah!

The metal project, metal songs with metal in the title.

  There was only ever going to be one thing I could post on the 4th Of July wasn't there?

Here for your delight is a selection of American Metal.
Play loud while drinking beer and watching fireworks. 

I just had to start with these guys

MetalUSAfer - Heavy Metal Hammer (2014)

Honour to: intothecults

Black Magick - Corporate Metal (2014)

Honour to: Black Magick

Cronecronaut - Speed Metal From Space (2017)

Honour to: Bruno Terrosa

Ironflame - Heavy Metal Warriors (2017)

Honour to: Power Metal Power Legion

Corners Of Sanctuary - Metal Machine  (2015)

Honour to: Exquisite noise records

Sarcoma - Nuclear Metal (2011)

Honour to: Evil Earth Productions.

To finish there was only one band worthy.

Manowar - Brothers Of Metal (1996) 

Honour to: Henrique Felicio

Happy Birthday America
Thanks for all the great Metal Music.

That's all folks. 

Monday, 3 July 2017

Cheapo DVD Reviews: Samurai Avenger - The Blind Wolf (2009)

Genre: Grindhouse/Western/Samurai

"A blind man seeks vengeance on the psychopath who took his sight and slaughtered his wife and daughter.  Eight years after the massacre, the man has returned to the desert town as a highly trained swordsman ready to seek justice. But he doesn't know there awaits seven assassins hired by his sworn enemy who want the bounty on his head."

  The Grindhouse phenomenon has lead to some interesting films in recent years and I can truthfully say that this is one of the more unusual things I've seen lately. 

 The best way I can describe Samurai Avenger is this: imagine something that takes elements of Spaghetti Western and the weirder Samurai movies, then sets the result in a parallel world where guns and pickup trucks exist but mobile phones don't, where everybody carries a katana, where go-go dancers co-exist with the Bushido code of old Japan,  where some of the villains are straight out of Ninja Scroll and where you can cut somebody's jugular then they still monologue for ten minutes. 

 As a bonus,  if you are a devotee of the Japanese martial art of sheathing swords you're in for a treat because you're going to see a lot of it.  Twice every fight-scene, in fact. 

 The end result is something that is definitely novel but viewers may either come away thinking that this is the best thing ever or -like me- not be as impressed as I might have been. 

  Copious amounts of blood, sadism and the odd outbreak of boobs do not a great film guarantee. I found myself struggling to get into this movie, which was not helped by the poor acting and the fight scenes being nothing to write home about.  And did we really need the narrator popping up at odd moments to explain obscure martial arts techniques?   

 How much did I pay for this: £2.50.
Was it worth it? Debatable. Novel though it might be, Samurai Avenger failed to deliver.  You may disagree.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

The Metal Project: Happy Canada Day!

 Evening all. 

  I just found out that today is Canada Day and since The Great White North has produced about 40% of my favourite bands and I was well overdue a Metal Product post anyway, why not combine the two? 

 So today I'm bringing you a selection of songs from my "to post" file that all come from the magical, musical land of the Maple. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA!

Spell - Possessed By Heavy Metal (2014)

 Honour to: Hugo Lessard

Sunday, 25 June 2017

Film Review: Hunters of The Golden Cobra (1982)


Genre: Adventure/ "Raiders of the Lost Ark" coat-tail rider

1944 Somewhere vaguely defined in South East Asia 
 A mission to retrieve a certain item goes wrong and only the intervention of a young woman saves tough American agent Bob Jackson (David Warbeck) from death.

  A year later Bob is tracked down by his old partner David Franks (John Steiner - apparently channeling the spirit of Terry Thomas) with an offer. Go back into the jungle, retrieve said item (Hint: see the title of the movie) and earn lots of money.
  Admittedly there is a sect of Golden Cobra worshipping nutters to deal with, not to mention the hostile natives who almost killed him last time. There's also  a young woman who bears an uncanny resemblance to the jungle beauty (the delightful Almanta Suska pulling a double shift) and her not-remotely- trustworthy uncle (Luciano Pigozzi) complicating matters. Easy money, right?

  I should probably mention that there is no point where anybody wears a bikini in this film, golden or otherwise.  Despite this Hunters... is pretty decent for what it is: An Italian film hoping to cash in on the success of the Indiana Jones franchise without the budget, effects or star power.

  The director wisely keeps things moving along at a decent rate, with liberal sprinklings of action while  David Warbeck  makes a damn good fist of his open-shirted heroics, with Warbeck and John Steiner playing off each other rather well.
 The climax is maybe not as good as it could have been and the Golden Cobra stubbornly refuses to give any indication of the alleged supernatural powers. But on the whole I enjoyed this film.

Hunters Of The Golden Cobra is the sort of thing Sony Movie Channel might put on Saturday afternoon for some harmless adventure fun. Not great cinema but entertaining enough if you're in the mood.

Watch the whole film here: https://youtu.be/c_vXz65Yoeg

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Getting Sheared For Summer

 I've been trying to grow my hair out recently. I'm not entirely sure why although some vague attempt to recapture the headbanging days of my twenties is probably lurking somewhere under the surface.

 (Sorry but headbanging with short hair makes you look like a numpty.  I speak truth and you know it.)

Then I ran into two significant problems.  

 The first is getting hair in my eyes - which sucked - and the constant flicking I had to do to keep it out.

When I realised I was pushing my hair out of my eyes every two minutes having long hair no longer seemed like such a good idea. 

 Besides which based on previous attempts  the end result would not have been this:

But was more likely to have been this: 

Except older, fatter and less photogenic. 

Problem number two is that the UK is currently in the middle of some very uncharacteristic weather.

To put it bluntly, it's way too hot and I am currently sweating my bollocks off.  

The last thing I need right now is a lovely mop of heat retaining thatch on my skull. Which itches

So last night I broke out my trusty clippers and ten minutes later my magnificent mane of thick...um...dull-coloured... hair ... was a puddle on my kitchen floor. 

Here's another shot. Banana for scale. 

That's me Captain Baldy for another two months then. Oh well. 

If I get sunburnt on my newly nude bonce I'm going to be ever so annoyed. 

Saturday, 10 June 2017

Heavy Metal Cover Girls..In The Silvery Moon's Light

It's about time I did one of these. Actually it's about time I posted full stop but I'm definitely overdue a Cover Girls post.

 So I dived into my album cover folder and after getting distracted more than I care to admit I finally came up with tonight's theme.   Girls under the light of the Moon

 Yes, I know it sounds a bit boring but trust me, a decent artist can take any theme and run with it.

Now let's go for a walk in the moonlight and see who we meet. 

Niobeth - Silvery Moonbeams (Spain 2011)

Heavy Metal art blog

When you consider all the horrible stuff that happens on metal album covers, sometimes
 it's nice to just see a pretty girl sitting in a tree under the light of the moon.  
Although I am curious as to how she managed to get up the tree in her nice, 
floaty dress without ripping it to buggery or getting moss stains everywhere. 

Niobeth are from the more emotive corner of Metal.

 Minstrelix - Reflections (Japan 2009)

woman dancing in moon light
Another pleasant cover.
Just a happy girl dancing under the two moons...
Two moons?  Screw it... we'll let that slide for now.

In a minute she's going to discover why putting a leash on birds is usually considered a bit stupid.
More so when you've tied the other end to your dress.

If you like your Power metal with classical flourishes and female vocals you might like this.
(Band has since switched vocalists to a bloke by the way.). 

Molllust - In Deep Waters (Germany 2015)

Three albums in and we're still good. Nothing weird, scary or bloody yet. I live in hope.

Beth the mermaid always dreamt of being a ballet dancer. Unfortunately having a distinct lack of feet was a career-killer.
But Beth was determined gal. Once she worked out how to make her own costumes without
the patterns going all soggy, she began practising her artistic moves under the light of the moon.
One day she would dance.
One day.

Mollust don't make finding their songs easy with their choice of spelling.
Operatic Metal FFO old Therion maybe?

Marenne - The Past Prelude (Finland 2009)

Just so you know,. I didn't black out the bit on the bottom right. It was like that when I found it. 

So she's praying to the moon, I guess. That's all empowering and stuff and not at all disturbing providing her prayer isn't
"Dear Selene, Please make all my classmates die! ha ha ha ha haaah"

Marenne are Blackened Grindcore
Nah. I'm kidding.
Female fronted Melodic Metal. 

My Deception - Sinful Twilight (Portugal 2013)

Here we have a bellydancer practising her routine at Twilight ... And Holy Crap is that a skull? 

Um,..she could be one of those metal bellydancers I've heard about or..


She's a witch isn't she? 

I knew this was going to get dark eventually. 

My Deception are the first band thus far with a bloke singing.
Gothic Metal, natch.
I am intrigued. These guys are pretty good. 

Apparition - For Vengeance And For Love (UK 2012)

Pretty as this scene is, I foresee a bloody rampage coming on. 

Apparition are Gothic Metal from  my old West Midlands homeland so I wish them well.
Guitarist David Homer is also the man behind the The Dames of Darkness Festival  which I keep meaning to go to one of these days. 

Apparition are Gothic/Symphonic Metal and not bad at all.

Devil's Train -S/T  (Germany 2012)

Oh dear. In our moonlight stroll we seem to have accidentally stumbled across a hellbitch summoning her demon armies into our world.

Devil's Train are straight up Hard Rock.

That's all folks. 

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Cheapo DVD Reviews: Kingdom of Blood: Legend of The Red Eagle (2012)

Genre: Historical Adventure

The Story
  A small town in Spain is due to host an International Peace Summit attended by the most powerful rulers of 17th century Western Europe. Louis XIV of France, Charles II of England and of course Philip IV of Spain. 
  Little does Philip know that the event is merely a front for a dastardly plot to murder him and parcel Spain out between her enemies.  
 Luckily the heroic Red Eagle, Champion of the People, is ready to put a spanner in the works.
  Or he would be if he wasn't having some personal problems...

 These days I'm a little wary of European films given smack-inna-mouth packaging because half the time the film I get isn't the film I thought I was buying. 

  In this case I am pleased to report that Kingdom of Blood: Legend Of The Red Eagle is the swordswinging adventure I was expecting.  Sort of. 
 More on that later. 

 I was initially nonplussed when the (obviously medieval) goons chasing a beautiful woman are interrupted by what is to all intents and purposes a Ninja. 
 Then Louis XIV shows up - big wig and all - and the time period gets another unexpected, hefty nudge. But once I got used to the setting Kingdom Of Blood turns out to be decent little historical adventure with enough evil plotting, meaningful glances, fiery women  and sword & matchlock action to keep fans of The Three Musketeers entertained.  I could have maybe done with a little less of the "comic" foils but they don't harm the movie too much. I also find it interesting that at the film's big climax, the hero is...off doing something else.

 What I did find disconcerting is that we're dropped into events with very little explanation as to who all these people are and their relationship to one another might be. In fact, I was wondering if it was based on a comic that Spanish fans were very familiar with so there was no need to explain the backstory. 

  A little research brings up something interesting:  Across most of Europe this is known as simply Red Eagle,  because audiences in France, Spain, Germany and so on are already familiar with the characters.

This is a film based on the Spanish adventure series Águila Roja, a big hit all across Europe except for a certain group of foggy islands. Basically it's the Iberian equivalent of Zorro or Robin Hood. 
 The DVD might even be a "Film version" of a couple of episodes stitched together. Hard to tell.

 Either way it doesn't matter overmuch because I did enjoy Legend Of The Red Eagle. As a decent swashbuckler to watch while eating my tea, this film more than delivered.

How much did I pay for this DVD: 50p

Was it worth it: Yes. Minor quibbles aside, this is a fun film with a likable hero and even as a proud Englishman it's hard not to be moved by the stirring "For Spain!" heroics at the end. 

 Here's the trailer:

That's All Folks. 

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