Friday, 22 December 2017

Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do At Work

Inspired by the legendary Skippy's list, here's a short list of things I've been told not to do any more.

D is not allowed to weaponise stationery.

D is not allowed to ask if anybody wants a hammer fight

D is not allowed to headbutt his computer

D is not allowed to bite his computer

D is not allowed to call his computer nasty names.

D is not allowed to taunt the fax machine.

The IT team did not "write the software with spoons sellotaped to their dicks" and D is not allowed to say this any more.  

D is not allowed to throw chocolate bars into the middle of the office floor and shout “Fight for it.”

D is not allowed to call his team-mates “Bloody boring” when they refuse to fight for his entertainment. 

D is not allowed to put Black Metal onto the Xmas party playlist

D is not allowed to sing to himself in the office.  It’s not particularly annoying . He just can’t sing for shit.

D is not allowed his own entrance music.

D is not allowed to add items to the meeting agenda, especially if they are about building Giant Robot Spiders.

Or whether Rarity is really "the best pony." 

D is not allowed to do *that* smile. He knows the one we mean.

D is not allowed to draw sea monsters on the notice board.

Or Dragons.

D is not allowed to draw any animal on the notice board whether real or mythological.

D is not allowed to tell customers that late return of paperwork will lead to a clown eating their soul. 

D is basically not to do stuff that D thinks is funny. even if he is "A bit bored"

That's All Folks.

Have a  Great Christmas and I'll see you next year. 

Sunday, 10 December 2017

Four Bands. One Song.

 Doing a cover version can be tricky.  Assuming you're not blatantly taking the piss (Every Thrash Metal pop cover, ever.) then the band want to put their own stamp on the song while still retaining a little of the original flavour.  Go too much to either side and you either end up with a note-for-note rerecording or you've just done exactly the same song you would write except somebody else did the lyrics.

  What I'm going to post tonight is four songs. First the original and then three different bands doing their own interpretation of it. See what you think.

Tears For Fears - Shout (1985)

  "Angry" synthpop is a definite rarity but this is a classic piece of punchy 80s pop with lyrics that can be interpreted differently depending on whether you think it's about one person expressing themselves or a social protest song. Listening to it again I'm also reminded how very effective the guitar solo was. 

Disturbed - Shout 2000 (2000)

 It was apparently compulsory for every Nu-Metal band to have at least one 80s pop cover under their belts. This was Disturbed's contribution.   Dave Draiman and co ramp up the riffing and groove as you might expect, and turn "Shout" into an angry, uplifting call to arms.   

Atrocity - Shout (1997)
Atrocity may have started off as a Death Metal band but by 1997 had evolved into something midway between Gothic and Industrial metal. When they released an album of 80s cover versions this song was a natural fit for their style. 

 Drafting in Liv Kristine from Theatre Of Tragedy to provide her trademark angelic vocals was a clever move as it gave this version a further healthy dose of melody and atmosphere.

Interesting that so far everybody has decided to hang on to the "ding-a-ding-ding" intro.

The last and most recent cover is one I stumbled across recently.

I'd been poking about  on Youtube, exploring something called "Synthwave" and found this song, (which isn't my usual thing but I really liked it so here we go. )

Scandroid (Shout (2016)

 From what I gather "Synthwave" is a musical form that thinks "80s Pop and 80s game music was awesome. How about we bring that back?"  Possibly it's from an alternative reality where 1985 lasted forever. Anyway, I've been quite impressed by some of the stuff I've heard and this is currently my favourite Synthwave song.  If possible, it's even more 80s than the original!  I approve.  

So which version did you like best? Are there any cool versions that I missed? Let me know in the comments.

That's all folks. 

Sunday, 3 December 2017

A Fierce Lady From Mexican Comics

So fierce in fact that she wears a Wolf's head as a hat. 
Sexy comic cover

Although it has to be noted that she didn't have much use for  the rest of the pelt. 

I found this pic when I was poking about in some odd corner of the Net and I was originally going
 to include it in my last post until a bit more research turned up an awkward fact. 

She's a character in a Mexican Comic. 

So I guess I'm highly unlikely to ever get to read this particular title.

 Which is a shame as that cover above has definitely got my attention. 

(I'm a sucker for a chamois leather bikini, me.)

I'm also quite impressed by the fact that Wolf Face Girl isn't too fazed by the scary man trying to shiv her.
If anything she seems to be amused and that just makes me like Wolf Face Girl even more. 

That's All Folks. 

Tuesday, 28 November 2017

Warrior Women Of European Comics Chapter II

Welcome back for another small selection of Bandes Dessinee/Fumetti/Comic covers from Europe starring fierce young women who seem to have misplaced half their clothing.

Clearly there's a big market for these otherwise there wouldn't be so many titles around but it does lead to one obvious question: How come this sort of thing never crossed the Channel to the UK?

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert on this subject and I think I'm doing well just getting the titles right.

Yesterday we started with a scantily clad swashbuckler. I think today should have more of the same.

 La Corsara Nera (Italy 1976-1980)

 She took out four musketeers on her lonesome but can't quite find a skirt that fits properly. 

I should mention that on this cover the lovely Corsair is actually wearing clothes. 
Not normally the case...

Proving that the Europeans continue to love feisty females here's a more recent entry.

Les Guerrières De Troy (France 2013)

 Definitely less cheesecake on these and more "Wanna start something? Bring it!" 
Anybody else think there's a wee bit of ElfQuest in the character designs? 

Helga (Italy 1969)

 Having a boob-window in your armour is bad enough. having a bloody great gap in your breastplate just above your tit can be neither clever nor comfortable. 

I honestly don't know if Helga is an actual character or the name of the comic because going by the covers I've seen, she changes her hair, skin colour and time period on a weekly basis. 
The two things that remain constant are that she doesn't wear much clothing and somebody is about to die violently.

More covers here: (NSFW)

Odissea (Italy ?)

 Just for a change we have a statuesque Amazon instead of a Penthouse Pet and holy crap does she look murderous. 

I may continue this theme later.

That's all folks. 

Monday, 27 November 2017

The Warrior Women Of European Comics

  What better way to get back into blogging than by sharing some pictures of women waving swords about?

  These are all from various European Comics sites I've found on the net. Sadly, I've never read any of them and most likely never will, so one can only wonder if the character lives up to the cover.


Moschettiera (Italy 1982-1983)

If there was such a thing as a "Sexy Musketeer" costume for Halloween it would still be less revealing than this.
Note that while she's kicking the downed duellist in the face she's also saying some very rude things about his..ahem...other sword. 

I found a wee bit more information and a cover gallery here:  (NSFW)

Even with my limited knowledge of French/Spanish/Italian comics I can't help noticing that there seems to be dozens of these scantily clad anti-heroines rampaging through European history with a combination of sex and violence that would make the UK tabloids foam at the mouth. 

There really isn't a UK equivalent at all. 

Lucifera  (Italy 1972-1980. Also published in France.)

Between the name and the blazing type-font I'm guessing that Lucifera is most definitely an Anti-heroine in the darkest sense. 
I wonder if she nicked Vampirella's costume or it was the other way about?
I'm also quite impressed by the way her armourer managed to make Chain-Mail skintight

Gengis Khana (Italy 1979)

So Gengis Khan had a sister/daughter/???  who apparently looked like a supermodel and invented Bikini bottoms 7 centuries early. 
Amazing how such little things slip through the cracks of history, innit?

She's looking a bit more warlike here although she's just discovered that getting your armour designed by Ann Summers is a bad idea. 

More covers here:
Needless to say this link is NSFW. 

Going purely by the covers it looks like the writers eventually gave up on the 13th century Mongol bollocks 
and turned Khana into a full-on porno title.  (assuming she wasn't a porno from day one...)

If any of you have read  these, let me know what you thought and whether they're worth searching on Ebay. 

See you tomorrow for more of the same.

That's all folks. 

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

The Metal Project: Hombres De Metal

ultimate metal songlist, metal songs about metal

Hello everybody and welcome back to The Metal Project: my attempt to find every single heavy metal song on Youtube that has "Metal" in the title.  After 5 years plus I'm not even close to being complete.

Here's another batch of songs chosen entirely at random. Enjoy.  

Raw- Rawmetal Thrashsquad (Germany 2016)

Honour to: FB Metal Groups 2

Leather Warriors - Hombre De Metal (Mexico 2013)

Iron Skull - Sabaphomet Metal Bastard (Malaysia 2013)

Honour to: 666 Speedhell

Intöxicated - Metal Pornö Slut (Germany 2013)

MonsteR - Metalhead  (Brazil 2004)

This song cuts off suddenly but according to Metal Archives it's supposed to do that. 

Honour to: SniderThrash

If you liked anything you heard today then please visit the channels listed above and give them your support. 

That's All Folks. 

Sunday, 5 November 2017

The Metal Project: Heavy Metal Tonight

metal songs about metal, ultimate metal songlist.

 Evening all. 

 I'm writing this on November 5th, which for all you non-Brits out there is "Let's let off sodding fireworks until the small hours Night".  I also have a stinking cold so I'm a bit grumpy.  Screw it. Metal Time!

There's no theme for tonight, just a small selection of songs chosen at random. Enjoy. 

Стальные нервы - Metal (Russia 2014)

Vesper - Metal Evocation (Italy 2015)

Honour to: FB Metal Groups 5

Luzifer - Heavy Metal Tinnitus (Germany 2015)

The vocals take a bit of getting used to but other than that, this is one for big fans of NWOBHM guitar runs.

 Honour to: Mr666Doom

Atomik Nightmare - Metal From Hell (Colombia 2013)

Honour to: camilodarkness

Thunder Steel - Heavy Metal Tonight (Colombia 2013)

Time to wrap up for tonight.

See you all soon.

That's all folks. 

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Heavy Metal Cover Girls In Helmets.

Welcome to another episode of Heavy Metal Cover Girls. 

This is an ongoing series where I post art from Heavy Metal CD that 
a. Has women on it. (Usually attractive. Frequently scar)
and b. Shares a common theme. 

 Some themes I keep coming back to, simply because they are so popular with cover artists. Considering the genre we're talking about here, anything that involves conflict, destruction or trauma is quite common. Bunnies, not so much.

  This is about the sixth/seventh outing for Heavy Metal Warrior Women and I remain confident that there will be more.  As long as artists have a thing for metal bikinis and fierce redheads I will keep sharing them with you lovely people. 

 There is a slightly different twist to tonight's selection though. All of the ladies involved are - just for a change- wearing actual protective headgear. How practical said helmets are remains to be seen.

  Fairyland - The Fall Of An Empire (France 2006)

heavy mmetal cover girls warrior women

    An Elf couple brawl with some... whatever the bloody hell those things are...  and seem to be holding their own.  In traditional fantasy fashion he's wearing full plate from neck to knuckles while she's in a belly dancer outfit. 
  But at least she's wearing a pretty helmet. So there is that. 

It's not really a shock to find that Fairyland are grandiose Rhapsody-esque Power Metal.  

Let's stick with the Winged Helmet theme for a bit.

Anybody who knows their weapons & armour might want to take a Chill Pill about now. 
I guarantee you're going to see things that will make you chip your tooth enamel. 

Blind Man's Gun - Beyond The Darkness (Germany 2016)

  Now this young lady got clever because her helmet comes with some sort of Force field thingie. 
It also seems to let her walk on water. 
Sneaking up on people possibly not an option though. 

Blind Man's Gun are Hard Rock

Claymorean - Songs from A Dying World (Serbia 2017)

Heavy metal artwork women swords
Err miss..your shield is on fire.

On fire

Your..Shield ...Is...On..Fire!

Claymorean are female fronted Power Metal, a genre I'm always pleased to see.

The Armiger - S/T (USA 2013)

female warrior artwork

 Something tells me she's had to put her ensemble together from bits left lying around, 
because let's face it, there are some big gaps in her protection.

After I finished looking up the word "Armiger" (One entitled to heraldic arms) I looked up the band's music. 

The Armiger seem to be the grittier end of Stoner Metal.

 The Deeper Dees  - Tales From Here, Now And Beyond   (Germany 2014)

That's a weird looking horse.

The Deeper Dees aren't exactly Metal, being more Stoner/Grunge Rock but if you like Soundgarden's more metal moments you may dig this.

Now we shall move on to other styles of metal head wear. 

The Great Adventure- To Begin To See The Truth EP (Russia 2014)

  The classic Britannia Pose in full display here.  Very regal.
In case you're wondering he helmet gets pulled down when violence is imminent.
 She might also want to hack about six foot off the end of her dress if she doesn't want to trip over.

The band are Female fronted Symphonic Metal.

Zenobia - Alma de Fuego II (Spain 2016)

History does not record whether the historical Zenobia ever wore a leopard's face as a hat.
History is also unclear as to whether Queen Zenobia of Palmyra was a hottie with a decent rack.

Whatever. This version is cooler and more Metal anyways.

Zenobia sound like a band I can really get behind.

And top finish.

Ethel The Frog - S/T (UK 1980)

 Her frog helmet was not the success she was expecting.
"But frogs are totally fierce" she told people. "They are. Stop sniggering."
So she just cut their kneecaps off.

This NWOBHM crew really needs to reunite.
Come on guys, make it happen.

That's all folks

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

The Metal Project: Metal Knights

metal songs about metal

 Evening all. 

Once again it's time for me to open up my big bag of songs and see what flops out. 

Stop sniggering you. 

There's no thmee tonight, just the obvious one about y'know, having the word "Metal" in there somewhere. 
Frankly even I'm amazed at how many of these I've found. Last time I counted I was up past 1600. 

Here's some songs for you. Enjoy. 

I''m pretty certain this first lot are a parody. 

Detonator E Os Musas Do Metal: Heavy Metal Fatality (Brazil 2015)

Gehennah - Street Metal Gangfighters (Sweden 1997)

Honour to: metalniece

Killer - Heavy Metal (Switz. 1986)

Honour to: Metalscavenger78

Vesper - Speed Metal Inferno (Italy 2015)

 Honour to: FB Metal Groups 5

Blacklyst - Metal Knights (USA 1991)

Honour to: G. Heathens Rage

Damn, I liked that last one. If they'd been around a bit earlier they might have picked up a bigger following.  

That's All Folks.
See You Soon. 

Monday, 16 October 2017

The Metal Project: Storming Metal

Metal songs with metal in the title

Evening all. 

 I am well overdue for a Project post and my backlog has built up to the point where's about to burst free. So with that in mind, please see below for a small selection of metal songs.  There's no real theme to this collection; I opted for the "Lob dart. See where it ends up" method so even I'm not sure what's happening next.  

As always I hope you find something to like. Enjoy.

Morbid Termination - Metal Child (Demo-USA 1985)

Honour to: SlauterXstroyes

Inferno - Storming Metal (Norway 1996)

Honour to: AlcoholicMayhem

Quickfire Deus Sol Invictus - Metal Destruction (Argentina 2012)

Honour to: Sangwitok Zine

Death's Cold Wind - Satan Metal (Ecuador 2014)

Crossfire - Metal Knives (Belgium 1983)

Honour to: Steve O

That's All Folks. 

Sunday, 8 October 2017

The "Sad Warrior" Pose

 Earlier this week I posted a review of low-budget horror-flick "Land Of The Pharaohs"(It's crap. don't bother) but in the process of writing the review something occurred to me.

I looked at the DVD cover and thought "Why does that look familiar?"

And the answer was "Because I've seen that pose used on a few DVDs lately.  Let me demonstrate.

This is the one that immediately came to mind.

I've decided to call this pose The Sad Warrior pose because let's face it, do any either of these people look like they're having fun.

  At best you have a warrior praying for strength and fortune before an epic battle. Alternatively, here's somebody on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of all the heinous shit they've been put through.

 My theory is that DVD artists like this pose because it suggests a depth of feeling to the hero that might make us care about them a little more. "I'm not somebody that stabs people then parties. I stab people then feel really bad about it afterwards. Such is my fate"
 Problem is I've watched both of these DVDs and neither of the blokes on the cover are in the frigging movie.  
 Not even a little bit.  If it comes to that, the movie on the cover is not the movie on the disk because "Land Of the Pharaohs" is set almost entirely in a municipal museum and "Clash Of Empires" is about Javanese villagers fighting an evil king.

I suspect this is deliberate. 

Still don't believe me? Let's have another one.

Sympathy is not the only emotion being deliberately courted here, I feel. 
It's also  curiously similar to this Red Sonja promo poster. 
 A film we never got to see, sadly. 

 Once again the packaging for "Red Reaper" is deliberately misleading. No chainmail bikini for a starters.
  Beyond the fact that the hero is a pretty redhead, you don't get the film you' paid to see.

Moving on to film's I haven't seen. A five minute trawl through Amazon pulled up all of these adventure movies, coming to a CEX near you. 

  (I did try watching this one but gave up after 20 minutes because it was so dull. I doubt it got better.) 

 A slight variation here. Yay.
 I haven't seen this movie but I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that it isn't about "one man's fight to destroy an entire empire". It's more likely about a Thracian farmer fighting against the Roman prick that nicked his donkey. 

  One more to finish. 

  Here's a funny thing. When I went looking for this DVD cover I found two different versions. It's interesting how there's such a wide gap between the film you'd expect from this cover and what the other cover suggests.

Almost like one of these covers is lying to you.,

Here's my tip. If you see The Sad Warrior pose on a DVD, save yourself time, money and frustration and walk on by.  Maybe then the people who perpetuate this bullshit will finally stop taking the piss. 

 That's All Folks. 

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Cheapo DVD Reviews: Land Of The Pharaohs (2017)

"Land Of The Pharaohs begins in ancient Egypt, where Isis and Osiris ruled the land. All were happy for the couple except one, Set, a jealous man who killed Osiris in order to take over his kingdom. Isis snuck into Osiris' tomb and tried to raise him from the dead using her black magic. Set caught Isis in the act and had Osiris cut to pieces, with each piece buried in a different part of the land, so Isis could never again raise her husband. Isis vowed to avenge Osiris' death and return with him to rule over all the worlds. Now, six college students Kyle, Dustin, Felicia, Jay, Serena and Amy take their last course in archaeology in anticipation for graduation. Their last assignment is to uncover and document the museum's new acquisitions with their teacher, Professor Shields and world-renowned Egyptologist Dr. Nasir. During the night they haphazardly awaken the ancient spirit of Isis' lost soul and her wrath is unleashed on the group. As students start to disappear one by one, they must band together to stop Isis from rising her dead lover Osiris and his evil army of the dead, and exacting their revenge upon the world." 

 Before I go any further I need to get my customary DVD cover rant out of the way.  Stick with me. I'll try to be brief.

 Issue#1 is the pose our cover star is holding.
Correction. Issue#1 is the fact that the guy on the cover isn't in this film.
Issue#2 is that for a  film called "Land of The Pharaohs" you see very little of Ancient Egypt beyond some painfully obvious green screen backgrounds.
 Hmm. It's almost like the cover artist is trying to fool you into thinking this is a different film to the one the producers remember making. Maybe in a bid to cash in on the success of a recent Egyptian-themed fantasy about Gods? Who can say.
For Issue#3 we're back to Egypt-boy's pose on the cover.   For some reason DVD artists love that whole "Mopey Warrior Contemplating His Sword" image . I've seen at least 4 movies using it and you know what, they were all a bit crap.

 Two minutes Googling pulled up the original movie title and movie cover. It's quite a bit different.

  I'm no expert on Egyptian myth but I don't remember anything about Isis having ginormous knockers.

  Priya Rai is best know for movies that demonstrate her ability to bend over and make faces, if you get my drift.

 She makes bongo films, OK?  

  You have to wonder how many people bought "Isis Rising" and spent the entire film waiting for the porn to start.

  Moving on to the actual film itself, this is a low-budget affair that barely scrapes 80 minutes. A group of college stereotypes are locked in a museum overnight, accidentally awaken a porn-actress slightly past her commercial prime   pissed-off goddess and get picked off one by one before an anticlimax of an ending. That's it.

 I can't say I was impressed by the story or pacing, thought the acting was nothing special and the SFX were just crap. The characters are hard to like, with one male lead in particular coming across as a bitter jerk.
When the douchey Jock is easier to root for than the lovelorn nerd, your writing has gone a bit wrong somewhere.
 Music is minimal, besides some Dubstep that must come cheap from a local basement DJ and grates like you would not believe.
 "Shock" final scene isn't that shocking, either.

How much did I pay for this?: £2.50
Was it worth it?: Nah. Besides being annoyed at the bait&switch, this just isn't a good movie. Don't bother.
At least this guy enjoyed himself.

That's all folks. 

Sunday, 1 October 2017

Five Songs About Rain

I was listening to the rain the other night. Lying in bed while a heavy downpour hissed against the pavement and torrents of cold water poured out of the gutters.

 Here's a random fact about me: I like rain (or at least I do when I'm not out in it.)  Always have.
 I know rain makes some people sad but I've always found it strangely soothing.
Sometimes I open my kitchen window and lean out to watch the rain coming down on my garden. Then I go and curl up on my couch with a big mug of tea and something with unhealthy levels of sugar.

  That's where I got the idea for this post. "Why not post some songs about rain" I thought "I can share some music I like and maybe talk a little about the bands and the songs. Brilliant!"

So today I present for your approval and entertainment Five Songs About Rain. As we shall see, rain is a perfect tool for songwriters wanting to establish a mood of sadness.

I'm going to begin with the only song in this group that was a UK hit. 

The Cult - Rain (1985)

  The Cult are one of those bands where I know the singles and that's about it. Then again, Billy Duffy and Ian Astbury always wrote great singles.
  "Rain" is from the "silks & scarves" period before they went full-on Hard Rock and shows how The Cult could write songs with a sweet groove that you could dance to, but with enough rock drive for headbangers too.
  On this performance the backup singers  from Doctor And The Medics  have come along to add their support. It works.

The next three tracks are all from bands I found by accident. 

Saga- Images (Chapter One) (1980)

  There used to be a really good second-hand record shop in Stafford in the yard just behind the Astra Cinema. I must have spent hours in there shuffling through box upon box of LPs looking for anything that might be "Cool".  That's where I discovered this LP Canadian Pomp Rock maestros Saga. 
 I took it home, played it...and was immediately baffled. Saga's quirky Prog/AOR was so far away from what I was listening to at the time that I just couldn't get them.
 Six months later I dug the LP out again and this time it clicked. I've been a fan ever since.  

  As you can tell by the title "Images" is part of a song-cycle that Saga have been working on for their entire career. One of these days I plan to sit down and listen to it all in the correct order. 
 In the meantime, sit down and let Michael Sadler's rich vocals and the synths of this majestic, poignant track wash over you like the rain. 

Dragon - Rain (1986)

 Somewhere in the mid-90s I found a small shop that sold old LPs in the back room. I came home with a bagful, including "Dreams of Ordinary Men" by Hunter. I was quite impressed. Hunter were good slick, 80s AOR with a more-than decent vocalist and the standout track was a ditty called "Rain." 

  Years and years later I discovered that Hunter were really a New Zealander/Australian band called Dragon who had been around since the late 70s and the LP I'd picked out of that dusty pile was cobbled together from tracks off at least two Antipodean albums.  Maybe the suits had decided that Dragon sounded too "metal" when time came for a US/UK release. Either way, I wasn't half confused when a Youtube Playlist led me to this song, only under a totally different band name. 

  So, here's Dragon aka Hunter in action. Whatever the name, this is good AOR. Enjoy. 

Platinum Blonde- Sad, Sad Rain (1983)

  Platinum Blonde might have been big stars in Canada but never made any impact in the UK - which might explain why I'd never heard of them until I found an import LP at a record fair.  

 As I tended to do back then, I was willing to risk a quid or two to see if the band were a rock outfit or not.  They definitely had Rock haircuts.  
  Turns out that Platinum Blonde were a rock band but more the spiky, New Wave sound that was popular in North America at the time. Sort of like The Police minus the reggae filtered through a Canadian lens. 

 "Sad, Sad Rain"  is one of my favourite tracks on the "Standing In The Dark" album. A solid drum riff leads into the memories of an  unhappy youngster that hint of heartbreak.

Queensryche- Another Rainy Night (Without You) (1990)

  The Queensryche brand has taken a bit of a knock over the years. Underwhelming albums and interband tensions leading to one of the nastiest band splits I can remember have tarnished their legacy.

 Back in 1990 it all seemed so promising. The Seattle quintet had followed up their political masterpiece "Operation: Mindcrime" with "Empire" - an album that merged slick, melodic hooks with power, dynamics and intelligent lyrics, topped off by Geoff Tate's incredible vocals. There's a reason why he's mentioned in the same breath as Bruce Dickinson add Rob Halford.  

 For a brief while Queensryche were showing the way forward for Heavy Metal and the future was smart.  

  I rediscovered this song recently and I've had it on heavy repeat ever since. Those guitars. The chorus. The drums powering the song along. The way Geoff Tate gets so much emotion into his singing. Listen and marvel.
  Then watch the rain outside and think about the future we never got to see.   

That's all folks. 

Monday, 25 September 2017

Taya Valkyrie in Impact Wrestling

(Sorry I haven't updated for a while. Life kept getting in the way.) 

   I have to admit, when I heard that Taya Valkyrie was coming to Impact/GFW/Whatever it is this week I perked up somewhat. 
   I've been thinking for a while that the Knockouts Dvision desperately needed some more depth, especially since half their current roster doesn't actually wrestle that much.  Taryn Terell has only done run-ins, Allie mainly does mixed matches or backstage stuff and poor Laurel Van Ness has spent recent months alternatively insane, acting as arm candy for Kongo Kong or being courted by Grado.  I wonder if she's upset somebody... 

  So having a statuesque, bona-fide Lucha Libre star rock up in the Impact Zone could only be a positive thing. I'm already looking forward to some fun matches against Rosemary and with a bit of luck Taya Valkyrie will bump into Sienna at some point down the line. 

There's just one thing I have an issue with and I acknowledge it's a bit petty. 

Taya's ring gear.

Not all of it though. The robes are awesome, perfectly suiting the Warrior Queen look she's going for. And I like the one-piece leotard which makes more sense to me than the crop-top & shorts Rave Gear that's the vogue these days.  The only bit I have an issue with is what's on her feet.

 Sorry Taya but much as I think you're awesome, I really don't like the Neanderthal legwarmers you're rocking here. Don't they slow you down at all?

  Please don't track me down and hurt me.

I'll leave with one final thought.

Look at this picture.

 One of these women is a much-loved babyface. If you don't follow Impact Wrestling, can you work out which is which?

Hint: it's the woman with a skull for a face.

Wrestling gets strange sometimes. 

That's all folks. 

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: A Whiter Shade of Pale

   Heavy Metal Cover Girls is a semi-regular feature where I post Metal/Rock CD covers that share a common theme. They also feature attractive young women who may or may not be wearing clothing. This is purely coincidental. 

  The theme today is all about colour or rather the lack of it. 

One of the things I've made several posts about is the way artists use colour to make an impact and to play into established  tropes. Red for the little girl lost in the woods. Black for the dangerous outsider. White for the virgin in peril. You get the idea. 
 But what about taking that idea a little further? What about using white and then making it as white as you can get? 

 All the covers today aren't about women wearing white, they're about women who are so white of skin and hair  that it becomes almost inhuman. 

Ancient Myth - Aberration "Pt1" (Japan 2016)

pale skinned women artwork
 Damn that's a big monocle. 

Catharsis- Prima Scripto Demo (Russia 2003)

Metal album art women
 Technically this is white with a greenish tint.
However her eyes are white as are certain other bits on prominent display. 

One of the things you're going to be seeing a lot is that when out heroines have white skin, they have a lot of white skin. 

Architects of Agony- Down The Rabbit Hole (USA 2016)

Heavy metal cover girls
That's not remotely creepy, is it? 
It's basically 50 Shades Of Wonderland. 

The band have a homepage here:

Dreadful Minds - Love / Hate /Lies (Germany 2014)

The artwork is quite simple but I quite like the way it gets over the message and I find myself asking "What's the story here?" 
Is the card in her hand for her or for the viewer?

Snake-o-phobics look away now. 

Red Queen - Star Blood (USA 2016)
Not a lot of red on display here. 
Also, Jesus Christ the snakes, man. The freaking snakes!

Ahem. Now I've stopped shivering, you have to admit that is a very striking image.
Hints of Classical Statuary maybe? 

Band homepage here:

 Sex & Sin - Mother's Therapy (USA 2016)

   Whereas the inspiration for this bit of artwork is easier to work out.

Picture sourced from

I have no idea what the cover has to do with Mothers or therapy but that's common with these covers. 

It actually fits the music quite well as Sex & Sin are a  reformed 80s Hair Metal crew. 
Check them out here:

Opus Arise - Revelation (Canada 2016)

Albino naturist accidentally finds herself in Hell. Is naturally startled. 

Speaking of hell...

Cruenta Lacrymis - Sweetness and Blasphemy (Italy 2015)

White definitely not representing purity here. 
This is more the white of things that live in the dark, deep underground.
I can feel her blind eyes staring into my soul. 

That's all folks.  

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


Airboy (2) aircraft (10) album covers (109) Alestorm (2) anime (20) AOR (8) art and stuff (20) Attractive women. (94) B-reaction (1) Big D talks bollocks (18) Big D talks bollocks. (36) Big D talks bollocks. aircraft (2) Black Metal (1) blatant fanservice (143) blatant plug (5) Books (35) British comics (17) Buses (2) Captain America (1) carrier bags (1) cars (1) cartoons (11) Catgirl Nuku Nuku (1) Change 123 (1) Cheapo DVD Review (69) Children (1) Christmas (2) Clouds (1) comics (28) David Gibbins (1) Dejah Thoris (1) dinosaurs (8) dogs (1) doing stuff badly. (1) Dragonforce (1) DVD artists are lying bastards (16) Elvis impersonators (1) Eric Roberts will work for food (3) eurovision (20) eurovision Metal Contest (6) Fathers Day (1) female cyborgs (1) Film (134) films (49) First Squad (1) gardening (1) German Comics (3) Getting started. (1) Ghosts (1) gig (3) Goolie abuse (4) Grappling Gertie (4) Green Lantern (1) Guest post (2) Hard Gay (1) Harley Quinn (1) Hawkgirl (1) Heavy Metal Artwork Blog (112) Heavy Metal Blog (64) Heavy Metal Cover Girls (86) History (2) Horror (31) Islamic Metal (1) Judge Anderson (1) Kobra And The Lotus. (1) Lawnmower Deth (1) Lesbian Bed Death (2) List (12) Lords Of The Trident (2) Manga (10) marrow fighting (1) Martial Arts (14) Matthew Reilly (2) men's issues (6) Merlin (1) metal (305) Metal songs about metal (214) Mind Wars (1) models (6) monkeys (2) Monsters Of Rock (1) MRAs (1) museums (7) music (23) Nice cover (2) Nicholas Eames. (1) Nightside (1) NWOBHM (3) Oatcakes (1) Olympics (1) photos (2) ponies (6) Portsmouth (12) Power Girl (2) puroresu (1) Rain (1) rant (14) Redheads (6) Roswell Conspiracies (2) rules (1) Sci-Fi (38) sexy witches (6) shame about the book. (2) Sharktopus (1) Sigismund (1) silliness (1) Southsea (10) spiders (1) Spitfires (4) Sport is bollocks (1) Starblazer (1) Stockings (1) Story (8) Strike Witches (1) Strip magazine (1) Stuff with armoured cars (1) Stuff with axemurdering lumberjacks (1) Stuff with big flying lizards (5) Stuff with Black Metal Catgirls (1) Stuff with blokes in kilts. (2) stuff with cute banshees. (2) Stuff with enormous birds (1) Stuff with Giant Crabs. (2) Stuff with giant Germans singing about sausage. Music from the weird part of Youtube. (1) Stuff with Girls In Eyepatches (2) Stuff with Gladiators (8) stuff with kickboxing teachers. (1) Stuff with killer cricketers (1) Stuff with Killer Rabbits (1) Stuff with mermaids (1) Stuff with Nazi Vampires (3) Stuff with Ninjas (2) Stuff with Psycho Coppers (1) Stuff with Robot Maids (1) Stuff with Roller Derby (1) stuff with rollerskating Muses (1) Stuff with soulsucking mummies. (2) Stuff with strippers (3) Stuff with talking statues (2) Stuff with Vikings (3) Stuff with violent clowns (1) Stuff With Walking Fish (2) Stuff with werewolves (4) Stuff with Wolves (1) stuffed animals (1) Stupid films about sharks (9) Synthwave (1) tanks (2) Taya Valkyrie (1) Terrible Metal Album Covers (26) Terry Pratchett. (1) The Band (1) The Hangover pt 2 (1) The Lost Fleet (1) The Metal Project (212) Thundercats (1) Ticket Tales. (1) Top Ten (6) Truffle (1) Ultimate Metal Playlist (4) Valentine (1) Valkyrie (2) Vampires (8) voyager (1) War Films (3) Warships (1) weird crushes (5) weird shit (6) White Pigeon (1) women in blindfolds (2) Women with Scythes (1) women with spears (5) women with swords (47) women with wings (7) women's wrestling (42) womens wrestling comics (10) Wrestling (26) Wrestling Books (3) Wrestling Magazines (12) WTF? Japan (8) Yamato (2) you do this shit deliberately don't you? (1) Zombie Films (5)