Chicago Detective Robertt Malone (Fred Wlliamson) is a big,scary black man who smokes a cigar and shoots criminals in the face.
After getting in trouble for shooting yet another criminal in the face (he got blood all over a rich, white woman's face and fur coat) Malone is packed off to The Philippines as part of an Interpol exchange.
As soon as he arrives Malone stumbles into something that starts off with a stolen wallet and escalates into stolen money and a terrorist plot.
After doing some actual detecting, bonding awkwardly with the local liaison and his photogenic family, and getting to know a beautiful lounge singer that people keep trying to kidnap, Malone saves the day by shooting people in the face.
Except for that one guy who got shot in the dick.
You have to love this glorious example of 1980s video box art. Breathe deeply and you can smell the manliness coming off it. I don't know why there's three blokes on the cover. The psycho with the assault rifle definitely never shows up in this movie.
"Black Cobra 2" is the sort of thing video shops used to fill up the bottom shelves. I'm convinced that they never got an actual release date - and Christ knows that nobody ever walked up to the counter and asked "When is Black Cobra 2 coming in?" - but instead were delivered by the pallet load when a new Blockbuster opened up.
"I got your delivery right here. 200 generic action movies with covers that make them look cooler than they a re. Guaranteed to give your customers an inadequate night's entertainment and irresistible bait for lovers of 80s Cheeseorama."
Guilty as charged. I certainly wasn't expecting a hidden gem but I did have this vague hope of something entertainingly stupid. This movie fails on both counts.
Black Cobra 2 is generic in every single way,except for the fight scenes which are appallingly bad. The Original Star Trek series had a better handle on martial arts,for heaven's sake. Even by 1980s C-movies standards Fred Wlliamson is a stiff, clumsy fighter and as an extended opening sequence proves, running isn't exactly his forte either.
In other regards Black Cobra does a bunch of things already done a hundred times over and usually much better. Pick an 80s cop movie. Either better than this or stupid enough to be watchable for laughs.
How much did I pay for this? 50p
Was it worth it? A firm "No". This is a dull film that's not worth watching on any level.
The only positive thing to come out of this experience is knowing that I did you a favour.
Because one day you might have picked up this DVD and thought "That might be fun."
I just spared you from that. You're welcome.
That's all folks.