Thursday 28 January 2016

DVD Review: Starship Rising (2014)

 "STARSHIP ONE...THE MOST POWERFUL PROTOTYPE WARSHIP IN THE FEDERATION CAPABLE OF DESTROYING ENTIRE WORLDS 

  Two empires at war: The corrupt Federation, and the oppressive Terra Nostra. Entire planets are being wiped out. When the order is given to destroy the Earth, Federation Flight Lieutenant John worthy refuses to carry out the order and kills his superior officer and mutineers Starship One.

  Demanding that both sides make peace, he becomes the target of both sides of the war. Worthy aligns himself with an underground rebellion where he meets Jolli, a beautiful gun-toting star pilot and together they risk everything to end the horrible war, and discover a forbidden truth that will shake the foundations of the entire galaxy."

 Before I get on with my review, I'd like to get a couple of things off my chest.

Firstly: "Mutineer" is a person not an action. He is a mutineer. She is a mutineer. They are mutineers. None of them "Mutineer" anything.  You can do a lot with the English language - it's flexible that way - but there is a point where you are just taking the piss and we just went past that.

Secondly: While it's refreshing that the DVD cover and blurb do bear some resemblance to the actual movie, I feel the decision to put Jolli front and centre is less about her role in the movie and more about her being blonde, female and photogenic.
 Truthfully, you could have cut her entire character out of the film and not lost anything beyond a halfhearted attempt at a romantic subplot.  (She kisses Worthy twice which feels painfully forced both times.)

And now the film.

Errrr.....

  Starship Rising is ambitious, I'll give it that. Maybe too ambitious. As well as John Worthy's Klingon promotion to Captain, there's a brewing interstellar war, some backroom shenanigans, an all-female resistance movement plotting an uprising, and last but not least, something about a search for the DNA of an extinct race.

 All this would have been great if Starship Rising had the execution to match the vision and this it does not.

 The film is a confusing mess of plotlines bouncing back and forth, with characters that I couldn't root for or give a shit about and while the starship designs are nice, overall the visual effects are substandard, which makes the space dogfights look substandard too.

  Here's how you really, really know you aren't enjoying a film.   When you check to see how much time is left to go and groan when you discover there's 30 minutes left.

  It's not even fun to watch in an ironic pisstaking way. Although I could probably say something cutting about the costume design. Somebody thought the best way to really bring home the SF-ness of the movie would be to give all the cast jackets with lots of plastic bits and hoses glued on in random order.

  Look at the DVD cover again. Contemplate Jolli's jacket, with the strange hose attachments.  It gets worse round the back, trust me. You find yourself asking how anybody moves with all that shit on.  

  As a final wasp-sting on the eyelid, it turns out that the producers didn't manage to get their epic storyline done in one movie and a tagline promises that it will be continued in Pt2.

I can't see myself bothering, somehow.

To sum up: Starship Rising bites off more than it can chew and chokes on it.
Not recommended unless you have a fetish for hoses.    

That's all folks. 

3 comments:

  1. Yeah, that one looks like one to leave alone.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You really are performing a public service here - I came close to purchasing both films (Starship Rising and Starship Apocalypse) and still might do so! but if I do then I will no longer be able to claim ignorance in my defence.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just watched the trailer. The trailer made it look watchable, but your review does not.... I trust in your review, and won't waste my time.

    You saved me !

    ReplyDelete

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