Been reading: John Jakes - When The Star Kings Die (1967)

 

"In The Tenth Age Of The Star Kings, in that far off time when mankind had spread beyond the Home Cluster, when the immortal Lords of the Exchange ruled a million worlds - there was a man called Dragonard. Some called him The Beast, but to others he was Man's Last Hope. 

 Dragonard himself did not know what to believe when he was kidnapped from a prison planet and tuned loose as a human weapon to be plunged to the heart of a cosmic mystery"

Our hero Dragonard is a disgraced Regulator - law enforcement, basically - infamous for his habit of occasionally slipping into a berserker rage and beating criminals into a bloody and extremely dead puddle.  His bosses were perfectly OK with this until he did it to somebody important And that's why he starts the book joining an escape attempt from a Prison Planet.

Mid attempt, Dragonard is hauled off by his former Regulator boss and offered a chance to redeem himself.  The Star Kings, supposedly immortal, have been dying suddenly. Find out why and Dragonard gets a pardon. 

  It gets a bit more complicated than that, and our violent, but still likeable, hero ends up on a wild frontier world in search of answers. Along the way he encounters beautiful women, a homicidal former acquaintance and an earth-shattering revelation.  

I love finding stuff like this.  "When The Star Kings Die" is the sort of  space-adventure that seems to be out of fashion these days. Is it great literature? Not really. I wouldn't even call it "classic Sci-fi".  But I have been a fan of  Jakes's fantasy stuff since I was a kid because while he isn't a polished wordsmith, he does know how to tell a fun story. That's what this is. Old school, fun, space adventure that doesn't try to be profound, and throws in enough action and twists to keep it interesting.

Worth reading if you like this sort of thing. 

Just a final note; at no point in the story does anything remotely resembling the cover happen. Not even ymbolically.   

Reinforcements have arrived: Car Boot Sale Finds

 Last weekend I finally got to hit the Southsea car boot sale and along with some books and a stack of anime DVDS I paid the princely sum of £5 for a tub of toy soldiers. One I'd thrown away the ones that were broken I was left with a small selection of interesting stuff.

A pair of Romans

Missing weapons but I might be able to make some spears with leftover bits of plastic.

I wonder if Ebay has anything?

A knight and a squaddie

A veritable Goliath of an armoured knight and a plucky WW2 infantryman

who I clearly photographed at the wrong angle. Dammit.

The knight can be part of my increasingly numerous Medieval force. 

Maybe I ought to dub him Sir Hector The Huge.  

And finally the figures that  I was most interested in. 

Some bandsmen (marines?) and a stray Highland Piper. 

These will fit in nicely with the Guardsmen I picked up a while back

(see this post here: Vintage Toy Monster)

I have no idea what firm made any of these. I do think they are old-ish.

I also think I got pretty good value for £5. 

That's All Folks

All glory to the Pink Lord

 Just something I had to get out of my system.

Book Review: Harry Harrison & Leon Stover - Stonehenge (1972)

 

"Ason, Prince Of Mycenae, escapes slavery and death at the hands of the King Of Atlantis hen catstrophe strike that mighty empire. He sets sail on a perilous journey to the island of the Yerni. But there he discovers that an important Mycenaean mine has been ransacked and all the workers butchered. Savagely he aanges his dead countrymen, amking himselfchief of the island's warring tribes. To consolidate his newly-won power he orders a mighty symbol of unity and stregth to be built: Stonehenge"

 I picke dthis one up from a charity shop, mainly for two reasons, firstly, seeing the name Harry Harrison on the cover and secondly, the cover itself is metal as fuck. 

So metal, in fact that NWOBHM outfit tank reused it for one of their album covers. 

I miss the days when HM album covers looked like this. 

 To be fair, the basic idea also sounded interesting; taking the known trade connections between the Aegean and Britain and throwing in a bit of Atlantis in there too. In this case, Atlantis is based on the island of Thera, the island which exploded in 1476ish so was (possibly) a factor in the Agean Collapse.  

 I suspect the idea of Ancient Greeks and a stray Egyptian being responsible for Stonehenge is one that makes historians mutter darkly but I will give the authors credit for trying to create a feasible pre-Iron Age Britain that leans heavily on Celtic warrior culture. 

 I also suspect that this is more Leon Stover's book more than Harry Harrison. Harrison normally makes his characters more likeable than this and one major issue is that "hero" Ason is a bit of an arsehole.  A violent, rape-y arsehole with very little charm. 

 That aside, Stonehenge is written well enough, has a decent lot of action and does manage to get everything said and done in under 220 pages.  That's not counting the quick history notes at the back. 

To sum up: If you can get past the hero and are willing to roll with the history then this is decent read, with some interesting ideas.  

 Before I finish, the notes at the back do feature the absolutely fascinating Irish tale of the carving of Mac da Tho's Pig. Basically a bunch of Irish warriors arguing over who gets first dibs on a nice bit of pork and some absolutely brutal verbal smackdowns being dished out. 

The Blog The Head of Donn Bó has a brilliant pair of writeups so go check him out:

https://headofdonnbo.wordpress.com/2015/09/04/the-story-of-mac-da-thos-pig-part-1/
https://headofdonnbo.wordpress.com/2015/09/11/the-story-of-mac-da-thos-pig-part-2/

That's All Folks

Upcoming gigs in Pompey

 You wait ages for a Metal band to come to Pompey and then you get three shows arrive at once.

I don't know if I can make any of these because somehow my knees are 10 years older than the rest of me, but damn, these all look very cool.

Steel On The Solent 2026

The three big draws for me would be Holocaust, Quartz and Elixir. (I already saw Saracen years back.)  An opportunity to see some bonafide, classic NWOBHM is something you get rarely and it's almost certainly the only chance I will ever get. The newer bands all sound like stuff I like too. 

Then in June we get...

 Riot V

 

 A band I do not know as well as I should but I think we all respect the history here. 

Then finally...

Fortress Under Siege

A Power Metal band playing Pompey?  The gods of metal are being kind, aren't they? 

Maybe I'll see you there? 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Motorcyle Mamas.

 It's been well over a year since I did a Cover Girls post so here we go.  

For those of you wondering what the hell this is all about let me explain. 

The short version: Album covers with women on them, 

usually pretty, frequently badass, sometimes downright disturbing. 

The longer version: Over the years I have noticed that rock and 

metal cover artists have themes that they keep coming back to: 
warriors, monsters, machines, things on fire and so on.

As a general rule of thumb, if a theme has been used once,

somebody else WILL do their own version of it. 

Now you'd think that "Just put a hot babe on the cover"

is a theme in itself  and yes, there are covers like that. 

However I am more interested in album covers which 

put in significantly  more effort to set a theme

and give you at least an idea of the tone of the album.

Anyway, you're probably wanting me to STFU and get on with it.

Bitch Queen - Kill Your Friends (Switzerland 2014)

Ooh, not a happy young lady is she?

If this was a movie poster you just know there's some

 "Carrie" levels of mayhem incoming. 

Bloody Nightmare - Hellwolf (Colombia 2018)

 Young lady, where is your helmet? 

Where is your jacket and bike boots?

Then again, if you're riding pillion on a flaming bike, with 

a satanic werewolf  at the controls and

 ..wait... is that fucking lava? 

Never mind, safety is not a big priority with you is it? 

Next up,  another topless pillion rider because once again, if it has been done once,

it has been done twice and maybe a dozen times.

Metaluria - Fuerzas En la Noche (Argentina 2016)

The band turned up with a list of things they wanted on the cover.

"We want motorbikes..and a sexy babe..and a guitar..and MONSTER TRUCKS

and it has to be totally badass. " and to his credit, the artist delivered. 

Stutz - Keep Runnin' (USA 2022)

 I am beginning to see a bit of a trend here. 

None of these Cover Girls are in it just for 

the pleasure of the open road and the

 cameraderie of the motorcycle community. 

Anyway, our blonde anti-heroine is clearly 

having the time of her life so...

Good for you, I guess?

War Of Shards - Two Oaths (Single Russia 2019)

A lot going on here, 
Sci-fi bikes that owe a lot to Akira and/or Tron.

Some sort of hot pursuit.

Bit unclear whether these are heroes or baddies.

And once again, a blatant disregard for even the most basic safety standards. 

I have enough motorbike covers for a second post and for that one,

I plan to go with something a bit less ..destructive.

That's All Folks

Film Review: Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space (2022)

 

Two visitors from the Planet Crabulon come to Earth seeking...something... we never quite find out. Their first contact with humanity goes horribly wrong and leads to the Aliens going on a cocaine-fuelled orgy of violence.

 Can a disgraced detective and a pet-store worker stop them before the world is overrun by coked up crustaceans?  

This was an experience. 

Whatever I was expecting from a film called "Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space",  the reality was something different. 

To begin with, this clearly has no budget. I've seen plenty of low-budget films before (Check out this page for a selection:  FILMS ) but this doesn't even have that level of budget. 

 Case in point: the Alien crabs are plastic toys, occasionally being lobbed at their human victims by somebody offscreen.  

The human cast are enthusiastic amateurs and the production crew is basically one guy called Chuck. (who also stars and possibly made the coffee & sandwiches too.) 

Before you go away thinking that I hated this movie, not so fast. 

No, this is not a "good" movie.  Then again, with this sort of backyard project, normal definitions of "good", "bad" and "Sane" don't really apply. 

Somewhat to my surprise, I sort of enjoyed it.  It definitely was an interesting 83 minutes. I think what helped is that "..Crabs" takes the basic idea and the lack of FX budget and just goes for it.  

The two leads are easy to like too. As are the crazed killer crabs.  You might be baffled, but you won't be bored. 

To sum up:  Approach with caution and low expectations and see what happens

That's All Folks

The Metal Project: Metal Makes The Future

 

The header above pretty much says it all but since I haven't done one of these posts in forever, let me quickly explain.  This all started not long after I'd started this blog.  I was thinking "I wonder how many songs with Metal in the title I can find on Youtube?"

It turned out that the answer was "A lot."

Like, seriously a lot.  As of last counting, I'd found 1691.  If you want a proper list check out this page here: Song List

(Not all of them are still up on Youtube because of that platform's distressing propensity for nuking accounts. Sorry.) 

Anyway, that brings me to todays ever so belated update. Here's a selection of songs and I sincerely hope you find something you like.

Whistle Horse - Mexican Metal Force (Mexico 2026)

 Honour to: NWOTHMFullAlbums

Freedom Call - Heavy Metal Happycore (Germany 2026)

Honour to: Steamhammer Records

Bullet - Chained By Metal (Sweden 2026)

Honour to: Steamhammer Records

Phantom Excaliver - Metal Makes The Future (Japan 2025)

Honour to: Phantom Excaliver band

Steel Sentinel - Pedal to The Metal (Mexico 2013)

Honour to: Steel Sentinel

That'll do it for tonight. If I have my calculations right, one more post and I'll be past the 1700 mark. I also reckon I have enough songs to keep this going for several years yet.  

In fact, I think Youtube is adding songs faster than I can post them. Yikes.

That's All Folks. 

Visiting The Vintage Toy Monster

 So there I was, half-asleep on my sofa, idly scrolling through Youtube subscriptions and suggestions when something interesting popped up. Along with all the "I built a shelter in the forest with nothing but a backpack full of tools" and the AI-generated slop I got this: 

Credit to: TOY OVERDOSE

My immediate reaction was "Oooohhhhh. That looks cool"  promptly followed by "How come I haven't heard of this place?" 

Because it's in Copnor and I never go anywhere near that part of Pompey. 

Time to change that.

Come payday I climbed onto a bus and headed off to Copnor. Which took ages because: bus 

First impressions were encouraging.

Peering at the window

I did ask if I could take pictures inside so here you go:

In short, exactly the sort of place I was hoping to find.  And yes, I did buy some stuff.

Starting with some recruits for my army:

 I now have a detachment of Lifeguards for my Imperial Palace. 

The nice chap behind the counters seemed to think they were Britain's figures so lord knows how old they are. Good condition, regardless of age.  

Initially I just found two or three figures floating out in the tub but the owner told me "There should be some more in there" so pulled out the tub, got on his hands and knees and began rummaging until he'd found the bag they'd all escaped from. I did appreciate that. 

 I then found a bag of Guardsmen. Also Britain's, I think 

    A nice little guard detachment and it is nice to add something to my collection that isn't generic Vietnam war soldier batch 16. I could actually display these if I had the space. 

Memo to self: get a lottery ticket tonight. 

While I was at it, I also found this striking young lady.  

I have no bloody idea who this is but she's wearing a leather bikini and if you read this blog semi-regularly, you'll know I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. 

To sum up: Was Vintage Toy Monster worth the long-ass bus ride. Yes

Did I get some cool stuff? Yes

Would I like to take my brother and his kids there so they can go "Oohh." as well. Very much yes. 

That's All Folks

Film Review : Caligula - The Ultimate Cut

 

 "Caligula" has gone down in history as one of cinema's most troubled productions.  The writer wanted to make a grand historical epic, the director wanted to make a darkly comic satire and the producer wanted lots and lots of sex. The result was a bit of a mess that nobody was happy with.

When it was released the film outraged critics, moralists and cinemagoers and also kicked off several lawsuits. 

I suspect the real Caligula would have been delighted by all this. 

This version has supposedly been put together from the original footage and is touted as being the "closest to writer Gore Vidal's original vision." 

 So after all this time has somebody managed to make this infamous trainwreck into a good film?  

Well, my first thought is "Does this bloody movie really need to be almost 3 hours long?"  A film about one of history's premier bloodthirsty madmen is always going to be a hard watch and all that extra time made it a real slog. 

 There are some positives:  Malcolm Mcdowell gives an astonishing, dynamic performance. He goes from playful to malevolent and back again in seconds and even manages some tender moments. 

 It's difficult to feel any sympathy towards such a nasty piece of work but he almost manages it. 

 Maybe it's just my interpretation but the impression I got is that his Caligula is actively going out of his way to wind up the rest of the world. Like somebody handed him the world's biggest toybox and he got bored of it already.  

Next up we have Helen Mirren as Caesonia. Ok, ridiculously hot  - and  also a great performance that's downright restrained compared to Mcdowell, but that's why it worked, I felt. 

Peter O'Toole may have been drunk the whole time his raddled, degenerate Tiberius is on screen.  Meh, it sort of fits. 

Visually, "Caligula" looks amazing. The sets and costumes are glorious, and the whole thing is composed and shot really well.  

However, all this still leaves the central problem. "Caligula" is not an easy film to watch. 

 A bit like Caligula himself, the film is trying to be shocking, so entirely too many graphic orgies and I could really have done without the bit where Caligula rapes a a pair of newlyweds. Or the scene where Caligula turns the birth of his child into a grotesque tableau. Or....

You get the idea.  

 Then there is the overall tone. Thanks to various people trying to pull the film in different directions Caligula keeps veering into absurdity. I couldn't tell you how much of it was meant to be absurd or just landed that way. It would be camp if it wasn't for the rape, murder and so on.  

And lastly, I just didn't think the film flowed. It was just a collection of incidents, loosely hung together on a frame. I didn't get the sense that Caligula was descending into madness.  

What you end up with is a film that doesn't work as a drama, is too grotesque to be erotic and too brutal to be camp. 

I think I might have enjoyed the unrestored version more. 

Might

Watching Caligula is definitely an experience. Whether you enjoy said experience is a whole other question.  

Book review: Emma Carroll - Dracula & Daughters (2025)

 

 "Strange happenings are afoot in Temstown. everyone is saying vampires are to blame and the townsfolk have their stakes at the ready.

 But cousins Mina, Buffy and Bella are about to discover a family secret that might change everything.  Could their connection to Dracula give them the power to heal vampires.

 Temstown is about to welcome its very first vampire healing company.- Dracula & Daughters - and their first case is certainly close to the heart"

So right away the cover and the blurb give away some major plot points. Oh well. 

Sticking with the cover, I think you can guess that this is aimed at a much, much younger audience than me - but that doesn't auomatically mean it's a bad book. Far from it. I've read plenty of books aimed at children or YA and a good story is a good story. 

  I think Emma Carroll gets the job done quite nicely. Our three heroines are endearing, there's an interesting take on vampire lore, things move along at a brisk pace and I quite liked the frequent nods to other vampire works.  

This might be the newest book I've ever done on here - it only came out two months ago and as it happens , I found this advance proof-reading copy in a charity shop. 

Worth checking out. 

That's all folks. 

Reinforcements Have Arrived: Car Boot Sale Haul

 Hello out there. 

 I thought it was about time I posted again. I also wanted to show off some of the ..interesting stuff I picked up at the last car Boot Sale I went to. This was all part of a boxful I got for the massive sum of £3 and alongside some farm animals, and some generic toy soldiers I also got....

Spacemen.

 I suppose I have a Space force now. 

Musicians

These look old. 

Includes one guy making sure the crowd don't throw fruit.

Shamen

Handy for those moments when you need to make sure the spirits are on your side.

Cowboys (I think)

Initially I thought they were supposed to have hats and they had come adrift

Nope. Their hair is flesh coloured.

So rocking the Yul Brynner look then? 

Carnies

 What the hell is that blue...thing...supposed to be anyway? 

Shudder. 

I might bury it in the ground somewhere far away.

So all in all, exactly the sort of weird & wonderful I was looking for. 

Much better than yet more vaguely Vietnam War era Americans. 

Not bad for £3.

Anyway, I need to go work out what to do with a dozen plastic sheep and pigs.

That's All Folks

When Commando Gets Creepy: Judgement

So we've been looking at some of the times when British boys' war comic Commando decided to add a little supernatural into the mix. Well, for this final post we have two comics which apparently take their inspiration from Vault Of Horror. 

Each issue uses a framing device before going into individual stories, all of deal with bad people doing bad things.  Interestingly, the miscreants are all on the Allied side. 

Suffice it to say, at the end the hammer of judgement comes down hard.

Commando 5693: Nightmare Express (2023)

Four men are detailed to guard a train compartment. Strangely, for such an important the door isn't locked.  Temptation quickly proves too much and all four men step inside to find something terrifying.

Two airmen murder a comrade and all seems well until he comes back to fly with them one last time. 

A soldier robs the wrong shop. 

A shipwrecked sailor is rescued by a lifeboat from a civilian liner. A liner that sank decades ago. 

(My personal favourite out of the three0

I am confident that there is no way this would have been published in the 1970s because bloody hell, this is straight out of one of the darker Twilight Zone episodes. 

Like a lot of Commando stories, it ends with the bad guys getting their karmic reward; but in most stories, the villain dies and that's it. Here it looks like that's only the start.  

  

Commando 5795:  Strange Frequencies (2024)

 Three members of a medical team are sent out into the desert to check on an observation post. They arrive to find a collection of graves and a single dead body.  What happened; disease or something worse?

 Struggling to get the radio to work, a signal finally comes through from somewhere and for each of the three, the voice on the radio reveals secrets that nobody should even know, sparking visions of a grim end.

Bullying RSM Curtis meets a soldier he tormented one final time. 

 Nurse Mary Barclay hatches a plan to "acquire" a valuable necklace. Shame she also acquires the curse that goes with it.  

Captain Marlowe had a little help to get promoted to an officer. Now he has to face the consequences.  

I loved "Strange frequencies" and the way the threads tie together right at the end. The atmosphere is spooky and, I think, easily one of the best Creepy stories Commando ever did. 

   Like "Nightmare Express" this is a tale of ghastly people running into something unearthly before revealing that everybody is trapped in something darker still. 

  

 Interestingly, considering that Commando is a war comic, the war itself is only vaguely in the background. 

Anyway, that's enough Commando posts for the time being.  

That's All Folks

When Commando Gets Creepy: Ancient Nightmares.

 Hello and welcome to another post about British war comic Commando and the times it got all Weird War Tales.

 (Probably not that often but when you've racked up nearly 6000 issues,  eventually  you end up with enough material for a clutch of blog posts)

 So far we've covered ghosts, haunted artefacts, tanks with a mind of their own, lethal curses and that time a forest started eating people. (See previous posts for more details) 

 I was originally going to finish this series off with one last post but had a bit of a think and really, I would be better off splitting things up.  Makes it easier to write if nothing else. 

Commando 5589: Night of the Gorgons (2022)

1943 A fighter sweep over one of the Dodecanese Islands ends in a nightmare when the Spitfires return to base  and one of the pilots has, somehow, turned to stone. His friend decides to join a commando team investigating the island, expecting some sort of Nazi super weapon. What he finds is an awful lot of statues and a mysterious woman...

 You will be relieved to hear that yes, there is a mid-air fight between a winged Gorgon and a Spitfire. I think we can all agree that this is awesome. 

  The rest is also a good read that takes an out-there idea and runs with it. The way the commandos are gradually picked off is pure horror-film territory. The malevolent Melania Mandrapilias is a memorable villainess and makes a nice change from the usual Nazi brutes. 

Somebody on the editorial team must have liked her as well because, for what may be the first time ever, a Commando villain made a second appearance. 

Commando 5689: Dawn of the Gorgons (published 2023)

 

 A British carrier on the way to participate in the Suez operation runs into -  you guessed it, a deserted ship filled with really good statues. Soon commandos start dying horribly as a pissed off Gorgon gets revenge on the world.  

 What I like about both these stories is that they are set during military campaigns well outside the norm. The ill-fated Dodecanese operation for the first, the Suez crisis in the second. 

 (Hmm, I wonder if the writers deliberately picked operations that were massive failures. )

Also, commandos vs gorgons is a cool idea that somebody needs to make a film about.  Preferably not the Asylum because we all know how that's gonna go. 

I think I preferred the artwork for "Night.." but that's a minor quibble. "Dawn..." is a worthy sequel and I wouldn't mind seeing a third installment. 

Moving eastward and somewhere much, much colder and we get...

  

Commando 5729: Baba Yaga (Published 2024)

 After a Russian T-34 is destroyed by a King Tiger Ivan, the lone, injured survivor meets a beautiful woman. After some reluctance, she agrees to take him to the cabin in the forest where she lives with her sisters. In exchange for performing 3 tasks, they will heal him and then help him fight the Germans. 

  Initially alarmed by the cabin having a whole load of skulls on stakes outside, Ivan takes on the tasks, even if he can't quite understand the reasoning.  There's also something a little odd about the 3 sisters...

Another interesting issue. It's deliberately set up to follow the structure of old folk tales, especially Russian folklore. The 3 sisters, the 3 tasks, the way it all pays off at the end when our hero uses what he learned.  I also think Baba Yaga is aimed at an older readership, who are aware of the old myths about a forest dwelling witch and also why a King Tiger is a big deal.

So to sum up, 3 Commando issues that are worth checking out if you want your war stories with a healthy does of weird shit. 

I have maybe one more post to go so see you next time.

That's All Folks. 

When Commando Gets Creepy: Revenge

 Hello and welcome back to another post about some of Commando's weirder stories.

Revenge is a theme that Commando absolutely loves, whether it is a good guy wanting to avenge his fallen comrades or a bad guy looking to get even after a humiliating defeat.  There's that old saying about "Revenge is  dish best served cold" which I've always interpreted as "The best time to get revenge is after you've had time to really give it some thought and quite possibly long after the other person forgot all about it." 

 

 That doesn't make me sound like a psycho does it? It's not like I have an ongoing list of people I want to stuff into a woodchipper or anything...

Anyway, revenge is a powerful motivation and in the comics below, it's so strong that certain characters come back from the afterlife just to get even. 

Commando 2647: Dead Men's Revenge (1993) 

1940. During the Battle Of France Corporal Nick Gray's unit are getting hammered by the Germans when a shellburst knocks him out cold.  When he comes to, the rest of his platoon are gone. But then 4 men in outdated uniforms walk out of the mist.

 In 1917 they had been falsely accused of cowardice and executed. They are not happy about this and would like Nick to clear their names. 

  Like a lot of Commando stories a flashback delivers important background. There's also that other Commando favourite: an officer who is a complete wanker. 

I feel the ghosts in this story are the least proactive here. Aside from popping up a couple of times to remind Nick that they require his help, they play little part. As we shall see,  other restless spirits are happy to get stuck in. 

On the whole, not a bad tale. 

   

Commando 3428: Ghost Of Evil (1986 republished 2001)

   Mortimer "Black Mortimer" Somerville terrorised the people of his estate until they finally had enough of him and somebody jammed a sabre into his chest.  Pausing long enough to promise he'd be back for revenge, Mortimer expired. And there was much rejoicing.

 A century later, an RAF officer has a freak accident at the site of Mortimer's death and begins acting like a bloody lunatic. As his crew begin wondering if he's trying to get them all killed, one man realises that "Black Mortimer" is back. Since the man in question is descended from Mortimer's killer, that is going to cause some issues.

A rare case of a villain making a comeback, and a proper, bastard he is too. As long as you're Ok with Commando's spooky side, this is a fun read. 

  

Commando 3996: The Lost Legion (2007)

 3rd Century AD . A Roman legion is betrayed and wiped out when their German "Allies" lure them into a trap and drown every last one of them by cracking open a dam 

 As the Roman leader dies, he curses the Germans.

Well you would, wouldn't you. 

 Afterwards a forest grows up at the site of the defeat, suspiciously fast. Supernaturally fast.  

Fast forward to 1944 and Captain Blake Farley is due to join his unit in Germany but before he does, his uncle - a veteran of WW1 - warns him "Beware of the Hunzberg Forest. Scary shit happens there."

 Cue the traditional Commando flashback and a horror story that Captain Farley ignores -at first.  Who would believe in a forest that hates Germans anyway?

 Certainly not the ruthless SS officer who has a fiendish plan to lure British troops into the valley and blow the new dam, drowning all of them. 

 The forest has other ideas...

I loved this one. It has all the classic elements: History repeating itself, Nazis getting their comeuppance and the supernatural coming to the aid of the Allies.  Worth a read. 

  

Commando 4160: Back From The Dead (1991 republished 2008) 

Lightning strikes a museum, scoring a direct hit on the Pz IV on display.  The dummies crewing the tank come to life - well, four of them do at any rate - and the Panzer roars into life and rolls off into the night.  Meanwhile one of Germany's richest wankers is speeding down the autobahn in his Mercedes. When the two collide there could only be one result. 

 The police officer investigating is left with a mystery: what the bloody hell just happened? 

 That's when a ghost pops up to deliver a flashback.  In the final days of the Reich a young panzer crew is betrayed by one of their own and murdered.  This pissed them off.  

Wonder how the copper put that down in the report? 

I must admit this has to be one of Commando's wackier stories but still works. I could have put this in with the "Haunted" post  ( SEE HERE) but felt it was better suited under "Revenge".  It's interesting that the good guys and villain are all Germans. 

 And that will do for now but I think I'll make at least one more Creepy Commando post so I'll see you soon. 

That's All Folks

Reinforcements Have Arrived: Knights And Stabby Boys

 Taking a break from the commando posts for a moment to update you on the status of my Toy Soldier Army. I've had some more stuff come through, partially from Ebay and partially from Southsea Car Boot Sale. 

 I don't want to post everything but I did get some interesting stuff so here we go.  Let's start with this odd couple...

Just to show you what a job lot can throw up, what we have here is a grizzled old dude from the Wild West. A townsman who's finally taking up arms against them, thar  cattle rustlers. 

Right next to him is  - I think - a Greek soldier in traditional uniform. I didn't know anybody made those so it's nice to have. 

 Sticking with the "Motley" theme we have these:

 A native American warrior, an unidentified rifleman , a fast-moving GI and two brightly coloured dudes with blades.

 I think these might be pirates but given the bare chests and bare scalps, they might also be some sort of martial arts warrior.  Makes a change from generic Airfix knockoffs, I feel.

 I also got a load of KNIGHTS. 

 Heroic Silver knights both afoot and a-horse. 

 And Dastardly Black knights intent on mayhem. Obviously I then had to do this:

FIGHT

 That's All Folks!

 

When Commando Gets Creepy: Cursed.

 Hello and welcome back

 This is the third post in this series looking at long-running British comic Commando, and more specifically issues where things get supernatural.

 

 So far we've covered stories where characters deal with something that may or may not be paranormal but is (usually) helpful.

 This is about the other side.

 Literally.

The characters are Axis pilots and assholes to boot.  Since Commando is old-fashioned about such things and has never liked anti-heroes, this is not going to end well.  

   

Commando 1559: Squadron Of Doom (1981)

 I am 90% sure I read this one when I was a kid.

The Story:  Occupied France 1941ish.  Members of an elite Luftwaffe fighter unit decide to jazz up their BF109s with personal markings. A local artist does the work but then gets stiffed on his money. And humiliated. And his pet bird gets killed. 

 I suspect it's that last one that really pushed him into Vengeance is mine territory. One good cursing later and the Nazi wankers start meeting unfortunate and improbable deaths, each being directly related to the design they chose. The guy with a lightning bolt hits electric pylons, the guy with the hammer design gets a hammer dropped on his head. You get the picture. 

 The pilots quickly work out what's going on and start freaking out. Or rather, some do, others scoff.  It's a bit Final destination, really.

This is a theme Commando used several times, with slight variations, and it does work quite well.  The artwork (uncredited) is neat and if you look at the cover the expression on the pilot's face is marvellous. Commando cover artists  really need more appreciation. 

 

Commando 3427 : Strike Them Down (1986. Reprinted 2001)

 Another Axis squadron gets Voodoo-ed. Don't feel bad for them 

  The Story: Burma 1944-ish. With the Allies dominating the skies, an elite Zero unit is moved into a hidden airstrip to cause some mayhem. But first, some of them take a break to desecrate a local shrine. The priest warns them that the gods of Air, earth, fire and water will not be happy. 

  The Japanese promptly use the shrine statues for target practice and swagger off. 

You know what's coming next. 

The four pilots die horribly but with a definite karmic justice. Serves them right.  

If this was written today I wonder if they would make the pilots British instead. I guess that would depend on the writer. Maybe Garth Ennis needs to take a crack at something like this.  

 Can I remind you all that this is a children's comic.  Bloody hell, kids in the 1970s and 80s were bloodthirsty little sods. 

Anyway, that's it for now but I still have more Creepy Commando to post. Check back soon.

That's All Folks.