Heavy Metal Covers Girls: Into The Woods

I noticed that a lot of Heavy Metal bands put attractive women on their album covers.
Here's where I post a few, linked by some sort of theme, and attempt to say something clever about them.   

 Today's belated post continues the theme of women + nature but this time around we're on dry land. 

  Not safely on dry land because as we shall see some of these girls are one wrong move away from being in a Grimm fairy tale.  

 Our theme tonight is The Woods and the covers can generally be divided into two camps. 

1. Women enjoying the tranquillity of the forest and the beauty of nature.

2. Women alone in the forest and ...Oh what the fuck was that noise behind me? 

Let's go for a walk in the woods. 

Hold my hand...

and maybe we'll come out the other side.  

Tatiana's Niovi - Breath Of Light (Greece 2012)

    That look you get when you point out that a ballgown isn't really hiking gear.  

You know afterwards it's going to be your fault the dress got stained.

It's debatable as to whether this is even Metal. It's quite mellow.
FFO Within Temptations' softer moments maybe.

Savn - Savn  (Norway 2014)

Some poor sod of a props man had to lug that piano all the way into the woods. 

Unless there was a piano already there in which case the weirdness just gets better and better. 

I am very impressed with this band. The lead singer has an angelic voice and there's a decent amount of crunch backing her up.

 Serphika - Despertar EP (Argentina 2014)

I have no idea why she's staring intently at a fistful of prawn crackers.

There's no confusion about whether this lot are metal. None.

Ides Of Winter -Minus Twenty°   (Canada 2016)

   This is the sort of cover that makes me wonder "What's the story here?" - besides somebody freezing their tits off. 

Who or what is she looking at?  Is it somebody she expected to see, which is why she doesn't seem afraid.

How is she walking in that ice in those shoes? 

Ides of Winter are a lot darker and Blacker than I was expecting from the CD cover.

Mortimer's Mercy - Black Heart (Norway 2013)

Sometimes the girl who's all alone is the most dangerous thing in the woods.

This is straight-up HM.

Everfall -From Beneath The Shade (Bolivia 2016)

  "I'm cold, I'm fed up, I want to go home and I swear I just heard a wolf.

Next time some bloody Goth suggests a moonlight party in the woods I'm kicking him in the dick."

There's two bands called Everfall.
This band are Symphonic Metal. The other lot are Dweath Metal.
Try not to get them mixed up.

Dark Lambency - Spectra (Belgium 2016)

  Unless you like anal probes, I suggest you run.

Run away now. 

Dark Lambency are Power/Prog Metal with some nice synths.

Savatage - Edge Of Thorns (USA 1993)

I owned this album on cassette for almost 20 years before I finally got it on CD.

That's when I finally noticed the creepy-as-fuck face in the background. 

And I literally only noticed the crocodile 2 minutes ago. 

In my defence I may have been distracted by something...

Savatage are one of my all-time favourite bands.
This video features the underrated and much-missed Criss Oliva on guitar. RIP. 

Ragnaröek - Dornig (Germany 2015)

In this version of the Snow White story the wicked stepmother remembered that 

she was a frigging witch and just used her satanic powers instead of faffing about with apples. 

German Folk-Metal bands seem to really like songs about getting hammered.
I'm cool with this.

Torment - Повешенный  (Russia 2009)

See, I told you we'd make it out.

No I am not going back in to find your bloody tarot cards.

If there's a video on Youtube I can't find it. Oh well.

I hope you liked the album covers and although I take the piss, I do rather like all of them.
I also hope you found a new band to check out.

If there's a theme you want to see that doesn't involve rape, murder or hairy armpits please leave a comment below. 

That's All Folks. 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Standing On The Shore

  Day Three of this week's Cover Girl extravaganza and I've managed to come up with another brand new theme to explore.
 Now my original plan was to continue the "Colours" theme and do ladies wearing Black dresses but while I was pulling pics from my stash I got distracted, and frankly this seemed a much more interesting idea.

  So tonight I'm going to share a collection of  album covers where women are hanging about at the seaside.

Not having summertime fun, oh no, no.  This lot are doing some proper moping and gazing sadly out at the waves.

 I am rather surprised at how many of these I turned out to have. 

But as I always say;"If an idea is worth doing, it's worth somebody else nicking." 

Narwhal Tusk - Widow's Walk EP (Russia 2009)

   By this point she'd lost all hope of his ship coming home. The Grey Widowmaker had claimed another husband.

 But every night she comes here and watches the sea with saltwater in her eyes.

Narwhal Tusk are Symphonic Metal.
Digging the little keyboard solo. 

 Just for a change I thought I'd try flexing my narrative muscles rather than taking the piss. Don't expect it to last.

The Eternal Sea  - S/T (NZ 2015)

She take a moment to listen to the waves and the call of the seabirds one last time...

And then walks away from the ocean forever, bare feet leaving tracks in the sand.

I was expecting moody Gothic Metal but this lot are..I dunno... groovy Hard Rock. 

Gallows Pole: And Time Stood Still (Austria 2013)

Afterwards the onlookers all agreed on one thing.
When the girl in white reached the end of the pier, she took one last step and was gone.
The weird part was, when she walked off the pier to vanish, she was climbing up ...

Gallows Pole are a veteran outfit that have drifted into Melodic Hard Rock


This is turning out to be quite an international selection isn't it?

Selene - Still Dreaming Single (UK 2014)

Nobody knows why her occasional sleepwalking always bring her to the quay as the sun rises.
Maybe she's hoping to finally meet somebody again.

Selene - Paradise Over EP (UK 2014)

The sad lady from the big house liked to stand on the rocks and watch the tall ships come by.
Wishing she was sailing with them to warm lands and happiness.

Selene are Symphonic Metal.
Since they have a liking for sad women on their album covers you can expect them to pop up in future installments of HMCG.
I also wouldn't mind hearing more of them.

Diabulus In Musica -Argia (Spain 2014)

"What anchor? This anchor? 

I found it.

Yes it was underwater at the time. What's your point?

What shipwreck would that be then? "

Don't mess with Sirens folks.

This band are Symphonic Metal and not bad at all. 

Dotma - Sleep Paralyses  (Finland 20110

Is it just me or is she trailing blood?
Might explain why she seems to be begging for help.

I think that's my cue to pack it in for the night so I'll leave with one last song.

That's all folks.