Starring;
A rapper I've never heard of.
Some other people I've never heard of.
Even more people I've never heard of.
Definitely not starring:
See the girl on the cover with the ridiculously oversized magnum?
Not in it.
Not even a little bit.
And why is that guy so proud of his watch anyway?
Time for the back cover blurb.
"Traci, Felicia and Cinnamon are street smart beauties who get framed for crimes they didn't commit.
Trapped in lock-up, their luck takes a turn for the better when they are approached by Attorney Larry Abrahams, who agrees to take their cases and get their charges dropped - if the ladies investigate the murder of his friend Nitro Jones.
The ladies go undercover at Nitro's record label and ferret out clues about his murder. Following heir leads, the avenging angels evade deadly traps set by the villains and use their martial arts skills to avenge Nitro's death.
The HOOD ANGELS uncover a scandal that rocks the rap world to the core - murder for a number one record."
I know I keep going on about this but wouldn't be a great idea if the blurb writers actually watched the frigging movie? Because the one they describe here isn't the one I saw.
"...framed for crimes they didn't commit. " - No they aren't. They get nicked for punching people in the face. The fact that it was in self-defence is an important factor, but not the same as "framed".
"approached by Attorney Larry Abrahams, who agrees to take their cases and get their charges dropped - if the ladies investigate the murder of his friend Nitro Jones." No, No and No.
The girls call him to get their asses out of jail and they suggest going after Nitro's killers, what with him being Cinnamon's brother and all.
" The ladies go undercover at Nitro's record label and ferret out clues about his murder." Technically correct. although ferreting out clues implies something a bit more subtle than poking about in the bosses drawers in broad daylight. While the boss is in the building.
" evade deadly traps set by the villains" What traps? There are no traps! A good-old fashioned booby-trap might livened Hood Angels up a bit but alas, we shall never know. They get caught by the bad guys anyway, so that sentence is wrong on two counts.
"use their martial arts skills" Again, technically correct but only if you use "skills" very loosely. More on that later.
How about a back cover blurb that's slightly more honest/
"Three women who've only just met decide to become amateur sleuths, and fail to get themselves killed only because the bad guys develop a reluctance to kill that's in complete contrast to their earlier behaviour"
There are plenty of films around that succeed in combining Hip-Hop culture and gritty urban drama.
Sadly Hood Angels is not one of them.
The whole thing is hobbled by a shoe-string budget but also suffers from indifferent acting, lazy storytelling and an overall approach best described as "ham-fisted."
The director suddenly switching over to slo-mo at odd moments doesn't help and just makes it even more obvious that the fight scenes are performed by utter newbies.
At one point the Attorney pulls the Angels into his office to give them their new assignments - then in the very next scene he meets up with them again to give them their assignments once more.
Like I said, ham-fisted.
On the plus side....Hmm...I'm struggling a bit.
If you're a fan of modern building design then the record label's headquarters is open and airy and I wouldn't mind working there. Otherwise, "Hood Angels" really has nothing to recommend it. Even the music is crap.
How much did I pay for this: 75p
Was it worth it: Not in any way, shape of form. Not even for comedy value.
Because I know some of you won't take my word for it, here's the trailer:
I watch these things so you don't have to.
You're welcome.
That's all folks.
