Been Watching: Super Shark

Admit it. As soon as you saw this DVD cover you wanted to see this too.

  Cathryn Carmichael, investigator for the Oceanic Investigation Bureau, hires a down-on-his-luck boatman to help her investigate the mysterious destruction of an offshore rig. 

  A young lifeguard attempts to impress one of her male colleagues.

And a big ass shark goes up and down the coast eating people. Including a few that thought they were safe on dry land.  

  Eat Beach Umbrella You Big Toothed Bastard

It's safe to say that introspective character study was never going to be on the cards.  Look at the DVD cover again. Yes, that is a tank fighting a shark. It gets better.

Because this is a tank...ON LEGS.

   Note the Sci-Fi Schannel logo in the corner. Says it all really.

And as you can see, this is a shark that has mastered the hitherto-unrecorded ability to wander about on dry land. It's also extremely large, bulletproof and can leap high enough  to grab a jet fighter out of the air. 

  What we have here is a "Supershark"
 Yes, somebody does actually call it that.
 Now there is some bollocks about a drilling rig hitting a weird rock strata and accidentally waking the beastie from suspended animation but who cares?
 There is also a half-hearted attempt at "Environment vs Evil Oilmen" and frankly all my f***s remain ungiven..
 This is a film where a shark that leaps about the landscape fights a freaking tank on legs.
Ok, so there is slightly more to "Super Shark " than chomping and deeply silly battles.

There's a woman in a bikini.

Cathryn Carmichael, proving that she's a proper investigator by not wearing a bikini.

Oh wait.

It's a movie set on the beach.  Lifeguards make sense. And that is their uniform, I suppose.

Oh come on. You're not even trying to be subtle are you?

Luckily this man keeps his clothes on. Unfortunately you still get to hear him. 

So there you have it. "Super Shark" is essentially "Mega Shark v Giant Octopus" meets "Baywatch" and provided your expectations are low and your blood alcohol level is beyond legal driving limits this is a fairly entertaining bit of silliness. 

 Sometimes you want something deep, 

And sometimes you just want to see boobs and a walking tank kicking a shark in the face.