Sunday, 17 June 2012

Been Watching: Slammed (2004)

It's amazing what you can find in charity shops sometimes. Nestled amongst the "Friends" DVDs and the other stuff that's not worth taking to CEX I discovered this:
 Which turned out to be the Hungarian release of this:
  Busboys Jeff and Derek have a plan. To make a name for themselves in the unsanctioned world of Back Bar Wrestling then go on to the big time and make a ton of money.
 But first they need to defeat local champ "Switchblade" Rick Kaspers, save Jeff's uncle's junkyard from evil real estate men  and get the girls of their dreams.  And to do that, they need the help of Back Bar Wrestling legend The Slammer. 
 So what the hell is Back Bar Wrestling? Up until this movie I'd never bloody heard of it.
 Well apparently it's like Backyard Wrestling in that it consists of local boys having a go at Pro Wrestling, with the important difference that it's "Legit" rather than "Fake"
Uh-huh.
 I also had trouble accepting the babyfaced Justin Whalin as a, effectively, an underground prizefighter. At least "Switchblade" and "The Slammer" are played by guys that look like they've put in the gym time. 
 "Switchblade" Rick Kaspars - Blonde and rich so obviously a douchenozzle.
The Slammer - No, we never find out his real name. 
Is this the face of a badass brawler?
 Anyway, setting aside, the story is the standard "Plucky Underdogs v Rich Knobhead" with a definite hint of "American Pie" in the way the comedy dips into lowbrow.
 You get the traditional "make the bad guy eat something revolting" scene that's been a staple since the 80s. In this case it's a dogshit burrito.
Tasty. 
You get a love interest for each of the male leads.
 Shane. Switchblade's girlfriend but doesn't stay that way for too long.
Derek's newly acquired girlfriend. Can't dance too well but who cares.
And a clutch of young women who are mainly there to take off their clothes when the story demands it. In fact, blonde Playmate wannabe Fifi is the secret weapon the boys unleash in their cunning plot to get Slammer onside.It involves a wet t-shirt contest, weirdly enough.
The Power Of Boobs compels you...
  
By the way, Tiny "Zeus" Lister pops up as a frankly alarming cook.
 And it is entirely in keeping with the tone of the movie that two of his bigger scenes are : The production of the aforementioned Burrito con mierda and being caught beating off to a Mail Order Bride catalogue. 
  All the expected cliches pop up in the usual order; the Party - The Party goes wrong - Oh shit my parents are home - Training Montage - Final Showdown - Everybody Gets The Girl and truth be told there's nothing very original here.
 I suppose using a sex doll as a sparring partner counts. 
   What's my name you latex jobroni?

 Apparently some of the boys from the local Indie promotion came over to lend a hand which explains why the wrestling scenes do look halfway decent and give Whalin and co credit, it does look like they genuinely took a few bumps while putting this together. 

 Wrestling comedies are surprisingly tricky to do. Juggling the violence inside the ring and the laughs outside is a feat that nobody to my knowledge has succesfully managed.  However, "Slammed" is an OK way to kill a bit of time. Just don't watch it with anybody who really doesn't like wrestling. Or anybody that really does like wrestling.
 And now some screencaps.
   The Slammer battles ex WWE bod Sylvester Terkay
Boobs (Censored obviously)
 Derek explains to Jeff why waiting tables is all part of his Grand Strategy. 

Jeff and Shane take a break from the boobs, brawling 
and burritos filled with shite to have a tender moment. 
A woman dressed as a cat strangles a schoolgirl. I think I may have read that manga.
 The battle that will decide whether good or evil has Dominion over the earth.

And more of Fifi at the wet -shirt contest. 


No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Labels

#HeavyMetal (248) #TheMetalProject (228) Advice (2) Airboy (2) aircraft (27) album covers (116) Alestorm (2) Andrew j Offutt (1) angels (1) anime (22) AOR (10) art and stuff (28) Attractive women. (98) B-reaction (1) Barbarion (1) Beasty Girls (1) Big D is going to lose his temper in a minute. (4) Big D talks bollocks (36) Big D talks bollocks. (38) Big D talks bollocks. aircraft (2) Black Metal (3) blatant fanservice (155) blatant plug (5) BOLOS (1) Books (51) Boston Wrestling 1964 (1) British comics (21) bunny (1) Buses (3) Captain America (1) carrier bags (1) cars (2) cartoons (12) Catgirl Nuku Nuku (1) Catwoman (1) Change 123 (1) Charleston wrestling 1964 (1) Cheapo DVD Review (75) Children (1) Chingford (1) Christmas (4) Clouds (1) comics (31) Dale rambles about stuff. (1) David Gibbins (1) Dejah Thoris (1) dinosaurs (13) dogs (2) doing stuff badly. (1) Dragonforce (1) dreams (1) DUKW (1) DVD artists are lying bastards (23) El Santo (1) Elvis impersonators (1) Eric Roberts will work for food (3) European wrestling 1964 (1) eurovision (20) eurovision Metal Contest (6) fantasy (10) Fathers Day (1) female cyborgs (1) Film (159) films (50) First Squad (1) FROGS (1) gardening (1) German Comics (3) Getting started. (1) Ghosts (1) gig (3) Goolie abuse (4) gorgons (1) Grappling Gertie (4) Green Lantern (1) Guest post (2) Hard Gay (1) Harley Quinn (1) Hawkgirl (1) Heavy Metal Artwork Blog (123) Heavy Metal Blog (96) Heavy Metal Cover Girls (97) History (3) Horror (31) Islamic Metal (1) Judge Anderson (2) Kobra And The Lotus. (1) Lawnmower Deth (2) Lesbian Bed Death (2) List (16) Lords Of The Trident (3) Manga (11) marrow fighting (1) Martial Arts (14) Maryland wrestling 1964 (1) massive shoulderpads (1) Matthew Reilly (2) men's issues (6) Merlin (1) metal (331) Metal Christmas (1) Metal songs about metal (229) mimi hagiwara (1) MinamICon (1) Mind Wars (1) models (19) monkeys (2) Monsters Of Rock (2) MRAs (1) museums (9) music (33) music from the weird aprt of Youtube (3) music from the weird part of Youtube (4) music that gets under my skin. (2) Neil Peart RIP. (1) Nice cover (2) Nicholas Eames. (1) Night Fighters (1) Nightside (1) Noot noot (1) NWOBHM (3) Oatcakes (1) Olympics (1) photos (3) pinup (1) ponies (6) Portsmouth (13) Power Girl (2) power metal (1) puroresu (2) Rain (1) rant (19) Redheads (7) Roswell Conspiracies (2) rules (2) Sci-Fi (46) sexy witches (7) shame about the book. (2) Sharktopus (1) ships (1) Sigismund (1) silliness (1) Southampton (1) Southsea (15) Southsea Food Festival 2022 (1) spiders (1) Spitfires (4) Sport is bollocks (1) Starblazer (1) Stockings (1) Storm Eunice 2022 (1) Story (9) Strike Witches (1) Strip magazine (1) Stuff with armoured cars (1) Stuff with axemurdering lumberjacks (1) Stuff with B36 Bombers (1) Stuff with big flying lizards (12) Stuff with Black Metal Catgirls (1) Stuff with blokes in kilts. (2) stuff with cute banshees. (2) Stuff with enormous birds (1) Stuff With Flying Fruit (1) Stuff with Giant Crabs. (3) Stuff with giant Germans singing about sausage. Music from the weird part of Youtube. (1) Stuff with Girls In Eyepatches (3) Stuff with Gladiators (8) stuff with kickboxing teachers. (1) Stuff with killer cricketers (1) Stuff with Killer Rabbits (1) stuff with killer snails (1) Stuff With Killer Unicorns (1) stuff with Maoris (1) Stuff with mermaids (1) Stuff with Nazi Vampires (3) Stuff with Ninjas (3) Stuff with Psycho Coppers (1) Stuff with Robot Maids (1) Stuff with Roller Derby (1) stuff with rollerskating Muses (1) Stuff with soulsucking mummies. (2) Stuff with strippers (3) Stuff with talking statues (2) Stuff with Vikings (3) Stuff with violent clowns (1) Stuff With Walking Fish (2) Stuff with weird Kiwis (1) Stuff with werewolves (5) Stuff with Wolves (1) stuffed animals (1) Stupid films about sharks (10) Synthwave (4) tanks (5) Tarkan (1) Taya Valkyrie (1) Terrible Metal Album Covers (28) Terrible songs (1) Terry Pratchett. (1) The Band (1) The Hangover pt 2 (1) The Lost Fleet (1) The Metal Project (226) Thundercats (1) Ticket Tales. (1) Top Ten (6) Toy soldiers (9) Truffle (1) Turkish films (2) Ultimate Metal Playlist (9) Valentine (2) Valkyrie (2) Vampires (8) videos (1) voyager (1) War Films (4) Warships (1) weird crushes (5) weird shit (8) White Pigeon (1) women in blindfolds (2) Women with Scythes (1) women with spears (5) women with swords (54) women with wings (7) women's wrestling (50) womens wrestling comics (13) womens' wrestling movies. (1) Wrestling (34) Wrestling Books (5) Wrestling Magazines (15) wrestling October 1964 (1) WTF? Japan (10) WW2 (1) Yamato (2) you do this shit deliberately don't you? (1) Zombie Films (6)