Friday, 31 January 2014

I'm starting to get a bit fed up with the weather.

In place of today's scheduled post, we will be bringing you this important message. 


Dear God, Buddah, Simon Cowell or whoever it is that actually controls Britain's weather these days,

Look...whatever we did to piss you off, we're sorry, OK?

Now enough with all the bastard rain already. 

Love,

Big D and the rest of the United Kingdom.


You know what, while I'm here and in a venting frame of mind...

Dear person who built the bus shelters in Portsmouth Commercial road, specifically the one right outside CEX. 

  I really appreciate the way you designed it to offer the illusion of shelter while utterly failing to offer any actual protection from the weather. You also cunningly fitted not enough seats for everybody to sit down, just enough lighting to make it (almost) possible to read the bus timetable and I have to admire the way you carefully sculpted the pavement to collect as much water as possible, giving me and fellow travellers the additional joy of splashing about in a big fuck-off puddle. 

 Give yourself a round of applause and then go eat a bag of goat dicks. 

That's all folks. 
If you'll excuse me,  I'm going to peer out of my kitchen window and contemplate the soggy mess that is my back garden.     

9 comments:

  1. Greetings from "oop North" Big D,

    Manchester! Manchester - Manchester - Manchester!

    Rainy capital of the North - probably "the world"!

    Seriously - I agree totally! It's bad even by Mancunian standards. The difference is we're used to lots of rain - and I guess you're not down in the South. :-)

    Still, at least there's no snow - yet!

    Just think - if we had boring weather, what would the six o'clock newscasters talk about?

    :-)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's weird is that Coronation Street always seems to have great weather...

      I have this mental image of Manchester having this big grey cloud over it all the time and then when you leave the city limits, it's all sunshine again.

      You know, like with Wolverhampton.

      I'm convinced that if the snow arrives after all this rain then the entire country is going to go "Bollocks to this" and start building Wicker Men again. Sacrifice a few chavs so the sun will rise again, that sort of thing.

      Delete
  2. You have rain, we, (here in Chicago), have snow. Snow, snow go away! Ah, but it won't. :( And our bus shelters suck, especially when someone smashes the glass paneling. And, the bench isn't big enough for more than two persons.
    :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well we haven't had snow yet. The operative word there is "Yet"
      I'm looking forward to that the same way I look forward to visiting the dentist.

      Delete
  3. I think so much rain on a constant basis would get me down, too. I hope that sunnier weather is in your forecast, Big D!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be nice. Not that I'm an outdoor person but I'm looking forward to being able to walk across my back garden without it squelching underfoot.

      Delete
  4. This is hilarious Big D. And I'm with you on this. I know we all wanted rain a couple of years back but right now it's ridiculous. The sudden downpours are crazy and the wind has blown like there's no tomorrow. Oh, don't get me started on the bus shelters. Maybe I should invite PM Cameron to stand under one with me to experience the not so brilliant sheltering mechanics, whilst he's wearing one of his expensive suits and a white shirt. He might even get to see what happens when a car drives through flooding on the roads which has an effect of huge waves crashing on you and the pavement.

    And guess what. When the snow hits, there will be a standstill in England and not enough salt for the roads (as usual). And then, wait for it...... the summer comes. Every bit of tar on the roads will come up, complaints will come in thick and fast and people will pray for rain. Let the vicious cycle begin again.

    England my England.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, I've no doubt constant rain is bad for the human state...Scotland being a good example, & me being part Scottish.

    Seriously though, I definitely don't agree with that old chestnut - `There's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.' & I am dreading the fast approaching rainy season here in Lagos!
    Cheers, ic

    ReplyDelete
  6. We had several flood watches in January due to all the rain and melting snow. Fortunately, nothing too drastic happened. The last week has been extremely cold but with sunny skies. Just that bit of blue has made a huge difference in elevating people's moods

    ReplyDelete

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