Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Heavy Metal Cover Girls...with Broadswords!

I haven't done a "Women with swords" theme in a while so, just for the hell of it,  here's a page full of gorgeous young warrior-women, most of whom are not wearing enough clothing to keep off a stiff breeze, let alone a battleaxe.

Holy Moses - Disorder Of The Order (Germany 2002)

cartoon redhead with knife
I don't know what the hell that blue thing is but I think we can take it as read that he's evil. 
Now our red-tressed heroine has to make the world safe for ...kiddies 
and puppies and stuff...by cutting his bollocks off and stuffing them up his nose.
So it is written in the ancient texts. 

Barque of Dante - Way Of Your Life (Single - China 2011)

Elven Warrior woman metal cd cover
Well that's some ornate armour she's almost wearing, isn't it?
Can't fault the protection on the arms at all. 
That's some top-notch pauldrons she's got there.  Real works of art. 
Not quite so impressed with the breastplate (s) though

Saurom -JuglarMetal (Spain 2006)

Helmet. Check
Shoulderplates - check
Vambraces -check
Greaves -check
Breastplate ...Hmm
You sure there wasn't more of it?
I mean, did you look in the box?
The only protection you've got between your boobs and your knees is that jewel holding up your loincloth. That can't be right. 
Ah. I just noticed the big-ass dragon standing right behind you. You don't really need chainmail do you?


At least they're wearing some armour.

Anilo Projekt - Miracle (Bulgaria 2011)

You know, when you're taking your sword into the bath with you, you may have issues.

Here's a chance for you to find out what Bulgarian female-fronted Prog Metal sounds like.
I quite like it. 

Leah - Otherworld (USA 2013)

An artist that has been described as "Enya-meets-metal", hence her outfit being a lot...prettier...than normal.

Music isn't your standard thud n blunder either.


Home page here: http://leahmusic.net/

I apologise for that sudden outbreak of classiness.
Let's get back into leather & steel territory, shall we?

Templar - Witch Hunt EP (Australia 2006)

The closest we've seen to proper armour so far.
Definitely the young lady I'd least like to piss off.

Jon-Mikl Thor - Sign of The V (Canada 2009)

The Canadian metal legend brings us a cover that's cartoony and fun.
I love the way the girls at his feet are obviously playing along with it.

And finally, probably my favourite "Women with swords" cover of all time.

V/A-Battle Metal VII

 I have this vague hope that after the battles were done, Medb the Swordmaiden and Olaf The Big Scary Axeweilding Nutjob
ended up together, in a cottage with goats outside and children that the local bullies only ever messed with  once. 
I'm an old softy really. 
 It's a bit of a shame that such a great pic ended up on a magazine freebie.

If you want to see it without all the lettering try here: www.pinupcartoongirls.com
And the artist's website is here: http://www.mattdixon.co.uk 
I'd definitely recommend checking both those sites out. 

That's all folks. 

4 comments:

  1. Broads with swords. Heavy Metal is such a well-endowed genre.

    I did like the Australian cover - lay back, low key, relaxed...& fishnets. Was there a sword BigD?
    Cheers, ic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have to look carefully but yes, there is a sword. I was vaguely amused to see that she seems to be sticking the tip up a demon's nose.

      Delete
  2. I like the song by Leah. I'll have to investigate more.

    Thanks for finding that!

    :-)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always happy when I get to point people in the direction of something cool.

      Glad you liked it old chap.

      Delete

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