DVD Review: Wasteland (2011)

"Every World needs A Hero"

 "In a post-apocalyptic barren wasteland where animals are on the edge of extension (sic) and cannibalism has spread like wildfire, Keo - a troubled warrior with a dark past - embarks on a journey of revenge. In search of the religious zealots who tortured and left his wife and son for dead, he must survive the unholy horrors the wasteland has in store for him in order to avenge his enemies and fight for the freedom of his people"

Before I go any further, let's quickly deal with some things that bug me in the above blurb.  

Ex-ten-sion

1. An act or instance of extending

2. The state of being extended

3. That by which something is extended

4. An additional period of time given to meet an obligation.

Ex-tinc-tion

1. The act or process of becoming extinct; a coming to an end or dying-out.

  While we're discussing the English language and proper use thereof, I'm pretty certain that you can't avenge your enemies. The whole point of avenging is doing quality violence unto thine enemies, preferably with great wrath. 

 Lastly, at no point does our hero fight for "His people"  He doesn't have any people - unless you count the teenage girl he picks up along the way, and that's reluctantly.

Wait, I almost forgot...

Oh look it's another DVD cover ripping off "Sin City".  Even the font, FFS.

I'm assuming you thought the same thing I did.

"So the hero teams up with the three slightly grubby Sorority girls and they kick ass."  

Nope. 

Here's what actually happens.

 After Keo's farm is visited by a gaggle of cultists, he gets to see his wife raped and murdered, and his son kidnapped before being shot repeatedly and left for dead. 

 Many years later, he's wandering around a California that's been devastated by a worldwide environmental collapse, hoping to meet said cultists again and do unto them, etcetera, etcetera...

 Meanwhile several other people in need of a good wash are also trekking across the desert: a small group of young women who are introduced as being utterly kick-ass (but aren't),  a squabbling married couple with their teenage daughter and some other people that we never see again.

 It says a lot that inside two sentences you start hoping that the wife will end up getting eaten by mutants. 

  After kicking the shit out of some ex-cultists gone cannibal, Keo arrives just in time to save the teenage daughter from mutants but not, sadly, before her obnoxious mother gets open-heart surgery Aztec-Style. 

 Trust me, if you do happen to find yourself watching this film, you won't give a shit either. 

 While this is going on, the cultists (The oh-so-originally-titled "Church") are looking for attractive young women to fulfill some bollocks about renewing the world. No prizes for guessing where this story is going. 

  After some more wandering about, an encounter with the grubby cheerleaders that results in most of them dying like terrified rabbits, and a rather hamfisted Vision sequence, our hero finally catches up with the Church, ready to rescue the girl and get some some avenging done...

 ... And the ending is a bit of a damp squib. A pretentious, downer of a damp squib at that. 

  When it comes right down to it, I found myself asking "How the hell do you make a film with mutants, cannibals, post-apocalypse cults and gun-toting sorority girls and manage to come up with something so dull"

   The director tries to liven things up with some music-video style editing but just ends up annoying the viewer. Well, this viewer anyway. 

     I can't help feeling that if this movie had been made in 1985 it would have been more fun. As it is, "Wasteland" isn't good enough to be watched on it's own merits and not cheesy enough to be entertaining schlock.

 Not recommended.