Best buds Craig, Doug and Brodie have come out to California to start new lives and meet lots of hot girls.
However, they find themselves in need of accomodation. So a totally not-shady letting agent finds them the perfect place.
I would happily live here. I like the architecture - it's modern and interesting.
Correction.
I would live here if it weren't for the address.
At this point anybody who's ever watched even a single horror film is going "Uh-oh"
The lads make themselves at home. There's plenty of space, a nice big kitchen and even a swimming pool.
Cool neighbours too.
The lovely Lucy pops round with a cake.
You don't get that round my way. Instead you get drunks shouting "Yerrrr wankerrrr" at each other at 1 in the bastard morning.
Sometimes they leave little presents. Kebab wrappers and broken glass mostly.
Ahem.
Obviously the next step is to hold the most awesome Housewarming party of all time and the boys begin dishing out flyers.
Just so you know, those leather pants have the butt-cheeks cut out.
If I have to deal with that mental image so do you.
There is one potential problem though.
The weird, glowing red pool thingie in the basement.
Don't get too close you idiot. You know that's gonna be some evil shit in there.
But after the Fire Marshall unaccountably vanishes, the party is on!
Lots of people show up. Some of them are hot.
Nobody actually believes these girls are 16 do they?
Lucy even brings her mates round.
Boys, meet Delilah and Jezebel.
I don't see why they don't just have "We are evil succubii" written across their foreheads in Magic Marker.
Except nobody would read it.You'd need to write it across the boobs to get anybody to notice.
Everything seems to be going according to plan...
Until people start having weird "incidents"
Like getting stuck in the toilet.
Really getting stuck in the toilet.
Unfortunately her evening just continues to get more shitty.
The couple of drunk bros who hit on Lucy have it worse.
I wonder what Lucy is short for...?
Now that's just wrong.
Everybody know you put fresh meat on the bottom shelf.
Barbarians.
Can Doug, Craig and Brodie save the party?
Can they avoid having their souls eaten by hot demon bitches from hell?
Is that really Joey Lawrence, star of 80s sitcom "Blossom"?
Anybody know what happened to Jenna Von Oy?
Six was always my favourite character.
I picked this DVd up for £1 from Poundland and I'm rather glad I did. You see, I came very close to buying "Killer Pad" from HMV for a whole £7.99 - in which case I would have been rather annoyed.
When all is said and done, "Killer Pad" did not make me laugh once. Not a single titter.
Come to think of it, I barely cracked a smile. That's a significant failing in a comedy.
I can't really fault the cast, most of whom do a decent job with what they have to work with. In the case of the three male leads that's mainly "Be stoopid. Really, really stoopid. Can you do gormless idiot? Lots of that." While the girls get a much harder acting job. "Try and look like you're attracted to these muppets."
Full marks for trying, guys, and lord knows you almost managed to make this film more entertaining.
Problem is, "Killer Pad" could best be described as "Dude, Where's My Car?" mashed up with...I dunno...pick any 80s demonic horror. And it doesn't work.
It should work. Just because a movie is cliched and a bit stupid doesn't mean it can't be entertaining. I have an entire shelf full of low-budget films that are fun to watch with a few beers and a kebab.
Maybe the writers should have put more actual funny bits in it.
Did I mention that I didn't laugh once?
How much did I pay for this? £1
Was it worth it? Not really. "Killer Pad" isn't as painful to sit through as the "Meet The Spartans" and all that "Date Movie/Epic Movie/Disaster movie" shite but unless you're seriously baked and have a comedy age of 12, avoid this one.
Let's finish with another pic of the lovely Emily Baldoni.
I'm not going to bother posting the trailer. I don't want you accidentally getting the idea that I endorse this film.
That's all folks.
First I spent a moment thinking about how that might pan out - "Something, something, Red Tide, Something" - then I desperately tried to stop thinking about killer panty-liners.
ReplyDeleteI pray to the gods that film never, ever gets made.
Big D, I think all the entertainment value in this film is in your review because your review gave me a good laugh. :) You’d think that a film with hot demon bitches from hell, hapless dudes, and Joey Lawrence (now that was a surprise, he must be really hard up for work!) might be at least somewhat entertaining. Sounds like the writers didn’t really try, and sounds like the film ought to be flushed along with those people getting stuck in the toilet! Btw, Jenna Von Oy still acts and I see her occasionally on guest spots on TV shows here.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Lil.
Delete"Killer Pad" looked like it could be fun. Nope. What a shame.
I didn't realise it was Joey Lawrence until somebody said "Hey. That's Joey Lawrence." at which point I went "Wow. He's changed, hasn't he?"