(That being said crap album art is no guarantee of musical incompetence. Every Metal band in existence has at least one album cover that they are ashamed of.)
You know what...I think the theme of this post is going to be "Blokes with swords - but done badly"
Excess Pressure - Of Dreams And Nightmares (Germany 2008)
The orignal artwork was a bit better but sadly the artist chose to work in
watercolours and some buffoon knocked a glass of water all over it.
That's my theory at any rate.
Here's what they sound like. Not bad.
Attacker - Battle At Helm's Deep (USA 1985)
Worried looking man in his pants battles a lizard/bat/cicada thing.
I've read Lord of the Rings and I don't remember that bit at all.
Maybe it was in the Silmarillion.
He really does look like he's bricking himself, doesn't he?
Atlain - Living In The Past - Germany 1984
So there's this lizardman, minding his own business in his little cellar, when
this blue bloke with an enormous chopper busts in and starts smashing the place up.
Bloody hooligans.
Gotham City - The Unknown (Sweden 1984)
Golgar the Monochrome vows to hunt down
the evildoers who nicked his other
glove and make them pay.
Pay! These were a custom job, dammit!
Crazy Lazy - Que Viva El Rock! (Mexico 1985)
Spikes...so many spikes...
Hawaii - The Natives Are Restless (USA 1985)
Posing On top of a Mountain ...check
Maiden clinging to your leg...Check
Exploding volcano for extra points ...Check.
This cover would be Conan-Approved if not for two things.
1. Mate, you look like an angry Smurf
and
2. You forgot your sword.
(Or you're holding something else in your hand....)
And finally, proving that the art of the badly-drawn barbarian is alive and well,
I give you...
Dragon - Victoria (Argentina 2012)
.jpg "Dragon Victoria")
He seems happy about something.
That's all folks.
A bit Nordic? I'm wondering if the Vikings invented heavy metal @ the same time they travelled to the USA.
ReplyDeleteStrange BigD, but this one reminded me of Munch's The Scream-
Excess Pressure - Of Dreams And Nightmares (Germany 2008)
& yeah, that `The Natives are Restless' does seem...mmm...erotically odd? No axe or sword, but that wench with the red eyes looks like a killer.
Cheers, ic
Big D, your captions are priceless, had me laughing out loud! These album covers are pretty comical. Love your theory of what happened to Excess Pressure. They definitely sound better than they look.
ReplyDeleteLove this! As a Metal Head myself I owned many an album with bad covers.
ReplyDeleteDiscovered your blog over at June O'Hara's Neurosis Files blog. Hope we can follow each other's blogs.
Phil
www.blog.theregularguynyc.com