Dear Rest Of The World...

 I haven't had a proper rant in a while so let's get a few things off my chest.
Ahem.
Dear rest of the world,
 Please find below a short list of things that annoy me ever so slightly. Please knock it off.
1. "You know wrestling is fake don't you?"
  Leaving aside the fact that scripted action has never stopped anybody enjoying movies and tv, this one winds me up something fierce. If you tell me this then one of two things is happening.
 Either you think I'm too dense to have worked it out for myself or you are trying to score points.
 Now I've been watching wrestling for almost 30 years and that's not likely to change just because of your opinion. The one thing that has changed is that I now think you are a bellend.
2. Talking at the cinema.
 And no, I don't mean whispering to the person next to you if they were having trouble with the plot, I mean chatting merrily away like you were sat in a beer garden. The film starts, you shut the hell up. How difficult is it to grasp?
 I should have the legal right to beat these people to death. 
3. "Ladies, buy this product. Aren't men stupid. Hurr hurr."
  This has been pissing me off for at least a decade and if anything, it's getting worse. I turn on the tv and one ad after another has the smart mother/daughter/girlfriend showing up some hapless male for the semi-literate shaved ape he is.
 That's supposed to be me up there is it? Thanks ever so frigging much.
Hang on, apparently I'm supposed to prove I can take a joke and laugh it off. However,  I have a better idea.
 How about, I stop buying your product you patronising sack of monkey turds, and how about you stick a broken bottle up your arse and give it a quarter turn to the right. 
4. "But it's the Olympics..."
  The Olympics was a big deal, clearly made a lot of people happy and no doubt the next World Cup is going to get a lot of people bouncing around happily.
But not me.
 I'm not interested in sport, never have been interested in sport and Elvis will make a comeback paying dubstep before my feelings towards athletics ever get beyond "Meh!" So why do people get astonished because I'm not cheering for Team GB?
  So if you enjoy watching people running around a track, I wish you joy but just because a sporting event is bigger profile does not give me any more incentive towards giving a shit.  I'll listen politely but that's all you're going to get. Accept this and we can move on with our lives.
5. "We paid good money for this footage. We're going to get our money's worth."
 Coming up, I will explain exactly how annoying it is to see documentaries reusing the same short snippet of film time and time again.

  Ever noticed how certain documentaries will keep showing the same snippet of recreation throughout the programme?  Any programme about the end of the dinosaurs is  guaranteed to use the compulsory  shot of an asteroid tumbling towards earth every ten minutes or so. This starts to grate after a while, especially when you realise the narrator has to give a recap after every ad-break, complete with that damn shot of the asteroid again.
 The trashier "World's Dumbest Rednecks" type of programme takes this to extreme levels by running the same clip 3-4 times right after each other.     

  We've been discussing documentaries using footage over and over again and how much it gets on my tits.
 Pack it in. 

 That's it for now folks. I'll maybe do some more when my blood-pressure gets back to normal.