Empire Rising - A Film Sold Under False Pretences

"Featuring a stand-out cast including Oscar winner Vanessa Redgrave, stunning locations and epic battles, the true story of  legendary Persian warrior is told in this swords and sandals adventure that will appeal to fans of Gladiator, Game Of Thrones and 300.
 Through their mutual love of the same woman,the warrior becomes the sworn enemy of his long term friend and the original creator of the Sect of Assassins. Eventually the two will go to war and only one can survive."

 Imagine, for a moment, that you went out for a meal at your local pub. The menu shows you a big colour picture of a juicy, 120z steak with all the trimmings. It looks great so you put your order in and sit back, mouth watering.
 But when the waiter arrives he brings you a cheeseburger.
 It's a pretty good cheeseburger. Lots of cheese, maybe some bacon and you get a side order of onion rings thrown in,  but it's not what the menu showed you, it's not what you wanted and it's not what you paid your money for.  "What's the problem" says the waiter. "It's still beef, isn't it?"

 Now imagine that every time you went into that pub you were never sure whether you were going to get a steak, a burger or a plate of goat scrotums in cheese sauce.

  One of my pet hates is DVD distributors pushing out films in blatantly misleading covers. I don't mean covers that make the film out to be more exciting than it really is. That's just advertising. I mean covers cynically designed to sell a movie as something it isn't.
   Selling you steak when you're getting cheeseburger.


  As you've probably guessed by now, "Empire Rising" isn't the film I was expecting and I am a little bit peeved.

 In situations like this, what I like to do is pop over to IMDB and see what this movie was originally called.

  Doesn't look quite so exciting now, does it? Certainly not something that "fans of Gladiator, Game Of Thrones and 300" are going to rush out and buy.

  So here's the film you actually get. Omar Khayyam - poet, astronomer and man of science - pines for his lost love, becomes best mates with the Seljuk Emperor and has a big falling out with childhood friend Hassan. The whole thing is framed by a 12 year old Persian-American boy  researching a family legend.
 No battles whatsoever. I sat through the whole thing and I'm sure I would have noticed.

  Instead of an action packed swords and sandal adventure, I found myself watching a gentle-paced slice of Persian culture. It's not a bad film, in fact, and if you are interested in Medieval Persia, Omar Khayyam or Islamic storytelling traditions you might like it.
 Then again, if that's the case, how likely are you to be picking this DVD up in the first place?

   Cynic that I am, I suspect this film reappearing in the shops with that cover may have something to do with a certain film that's come out recently.

 So my guess is, some wanker with sculpted hair told his team "We need something that's got Persians in it. We'll put it out in the shops and make easy money. Now bring me cocaine and a cheap hooker."

  I've complained about "Bait and switch" HERE, HERE  and  HERE and truth be told, it's got to the point where I'm reluctant to buy anything with a warrior on the cover just in case I find myself watching a Polish historical drama instead.
  That's already happened once. I wish I was kidding.

 And the reason I find myself so annoyed when that happens is this: I end up watching a film that may be erspectable but  isn't what I wanted. Meanwhile, the person that would actually have enjoyed  "The Keeper" or "A Night With The King" or the aforementioned Polish historical drama walked right past it because they saw the sword-swinging bodybuilder on the cover and thought "Dumbass Conan ripoff."
  I feel ripped off, they miss out on a decent film and nobody is happy except the distribution company.

I hope the extra money they got makes them happy.  the people behind this bullshit all wake up one day to find mice gnawing on their testicles.

   Expect to see lots and lots of "Empire Rising" DVDs to turn up in your local second-hand place soon.