In which a guy old enough to know better talks about...stuff.
Including, but not necessarily limited to: Wrestling, Metal, Anime, Books, Comics, Cartoons, Stuff that pisses me off, AOR and songs with "Metal" in the title.
This band sounds very much how you'd expect a band called Power Paladin and an album called "With The Magic of Windfyre Steel" would sound; catchy, power metal with big choruses and lots of tempo.
Having said that, Power Paladin also manage to stick out from the 1001 Rhapsody clones out there by virtue of having a better vocalist than most, a knack for melody and dynamics, and remembering to give each song a bit of variation.
Also, being from Iceland. Not somewhere normally associated with Power Metal.
Stand out track is the opener "Kraven the Hunter" with it's earworm chorus and strategic "Woah-ohs" but there's no weak tracks here.
If you like this sort of thing, Power Paladin are worth your time. If you don't know whether you like this sort of thing, well you might dig it.
Most of the time my blog is about stuff I like; books. music, videos, models, pictures of women wrestlers. Nothing really serious. Even the odd rants are not exactly heavy going.
Today is different. Today I am in a bad mood and I have been for a while.
Let me explain.
Earlier this year the UK Government announced that they would be giving everybody some assistance with the energy bills that suddenly shot up. Why they shot up is a topic for another day but I'm pretty sure i can blame the Tories for it.
Anyway, there would be £400 in assistance spread over the winter months and for those of us who have Pay As You meters, said assistance would come in the form of a £60ish voucher that could be redeemed at the paypoint. "Neat" I thought then promptly wondered how that would get fucked up.
At the start of November I got a letter from SSE Energy reminding me that I needed to redeem my October voucher and this confused me because I had never received one.
So I rang them.
"Oh not a problem, we'll send it again and they November voucher should be turning up in a bit too."
"Neat" I thought. "But I wonder if they'll actually arrive."
Which they didn't.
To cut a long story short, November came and went without any sign of vouchers. Repeated phone calls and online chats did nothing beyond raise my hopes and my blood pressure. I couldn't help noticing that getting through to customer support was proving difficult, especially if I wanted to talk about PAYG.
"I wonder if that's deliberate" I thought. "Come to think of it, I wonder if them not sending my vouchers is also deliberate." SSE had no issues with sending me a twice-monthly leaflet badgering me to get a smart meter but now they keep losing my mail?
So here I am, sat in my living room with 4 layers of clothing on and in a shitty mood. December is half over and the voucher I was supposed to get this month never turned up either. Frankly I would be amazed if I ever get any of the Government support I was supposed to have.
I wish this country wasn't so shit at everything. I also wish that when Santa visits SSE this Xmas Eve, he leaves a big sack of freshly cut, steaming horse dicks and a note that reads "Eat up, motherfuckers"
My experience with the films of Uwe Boll has been mixed, to put it mildly. I thought "In the Name of The King" was a perfectly serviceable fantasy film and "Postal" was a wild ride that kept me mostly entertained. However, "Bloodrayne" made me fall asleep halfway through and "Blubberella" I can best describe as "Utter wank and why the fuck does this even exist"
So Uwe Boll is not a name I associate with quality film making. He's not even the McDonalds of movies; he's the van you find outside the pub at 1am and you have to take a gamble on whether you will get a catastrophic case of spraying anus.
However "Rampage" is a bit different because it's the only Uwe Boll movie I've ever heard positive things about.
So, when I saw this in CEX I took a gamble.
"Rampage" is definitely an interesting film: it opens with flash-forwards interspersed with small-town boy Bill Williamson going about his daily, unsatisfying life. There's conflict with his parents, his boss, with people in shops and inevitably he suits up, tools up and starts running amok.
It's not a comfortable watch. Compare and contrast with "Falling Down" where a lot of people can sympathise with D-Fens even if it's for dubious reasons. Nope. Bill is a murderous psycho and even the odd moments of dark humour don't change that.
Of course this won't stop certain people from adopting him as their poster-boy.
"Rampage" has an unpolished, low-fi, indieflick feel to it and that helps with the tone. The mayhem is ugly and that gives it more impact. The pacing is also well-done. Just enough set-up to establish and then we get into the rampage itself.
Special mention must be made of star Brendan Fletcher because he turns in a helluva performance. The rest of the cast is equally solid.
To sum up: a director known for half-assing movies turns in something genuinely well done.
How much did I pay for this; £3
Was it any good: Actually yes. Not an easy film to watch but it definitely makes an impact.
Hello and welcome to another edition of Heavy Metal Cover Girls; a series where I post Rock/Metal album covers linked by a theme and then attempt to say something interesting about each one.
Or at least something better than "BOOBS!" anyway.
Nuns are on more metal album covers than you would think. At first sight the combination of a music form known for being anti-religious and women known for devoting themselves to Christ is an odd one.
Then again, as we shall see, these nuns have taken a walk on the wild side.
Lorihen - Bajo La Cruz (Argentina 2007)
Let's be charitable and pretend she's looking up at the altar with religious devotion.
Moving on.
Bongtower - Altered States (Russia 2019)
I think this is a metaphor for the constant struggle to remain on the right path in the face of temptation and peer pressure.
Or a Stoner band wanted to see nuns getting baked.
Waddya know, nuns and booze are on the next one too.
Junkyard Drive - Sin And Tonic (Denmark 2017)
You can just tell what this band sound like from the cover alone. Which means it's done its job, I guess.
I'm beginning to suspect some of these women aren't really nuns at all...
Knighthood - Bad Habits (UK 2014)
Oops sorry, wrong church. We were looking for St. Judes. They're having a bake sale today.
You aren't having bake sale, by any chance?
No?
OK then, we'll just be leaving. Sorry for interrupting.
At this point we're beyond "nuns behaving badly" and reached "nuns going into Ken Russell territory."
Darkest Sins - S/T (Norway 2012)
Whatever is going on here, it's heavily implied that the nun is enjoying herself. Each to their own
Burdel King - Si Dios Esta en Todas Partes... Fuego a Discreción! (Spain 2016)
"For all those rockers who want to remember the "good old days" welcome to Monsters of Rock
This was originally a Kindle book that's since been ported over to paper & ink, which might explain why every now and again the text has a bit of a wobbly. And if you're expecting something in-depth with lots of photos and behind-the scenes revelations then this is not the book for you.
However, if you want a breezy little book that can be read in one good session with many little snippets from the people onstage and down in the crowd, this is not a bad read at all.
( Having said that, you do get one of Blue Oyster Cult's personnel grumbling about shenanigans with 1981's PA system. Make of that what you will)
If you're like me, the first thing you'll do is turn to the years you went to MOR and see what everybody else thought. You will also look at the legendary lineups of 1980, 1984 and 1988 and wish you'd been born just a little younger. Sigh.
"Some unknown source has interrupted all television transmissions around the world. In place of the regular broadcasts, a lineup of extremely tasteless programs and commercials have been substituted. Included in the mix are such show as The Shitheads, The Charles Whitman Invitational, and commercials for a number of improbable products."
As you may have gathered, this is another one of those films which tried to replicate the success of "Kentucky Fried Movie" by scattergunning short, lowbrow segments at the screen in the hopes some of it will hit. And if you've seen the likes of "Groove Tube", "Tunnel Vision" and "Sex O'Clock News" then you'll know that this is not as easy to pull off as you might think.
"Prime Time" may or may not make you laugh but I know for a fact that I didn't. Not once.
The problem is, it looked like the people involved went for "edgy" and "near the knuckle" but forgot to make it actually amusing. The punchlines can be seen coming within about half a second and a couple of segments didn't seem to have any payoff at all. I suspect that somebody said "Hey wouldn't it be funny if we did Charlies Angels but all the girls were plus-sized" and assumed that would be hilarious without anything more. I strongly disagree.
Don't bother with this. Go watch "Kentucky Fried Movie" or "Amazon Women On The Moon" instead.
Since I'm feeling a bit grumpy today, here's a short list of things that can get in the bin and then the bin can get set on fire.
1. WASPS
Wasps are bastards and exist for other reason than to spread fear and pain across the world.
2. SPROUTS
There is food I don't like and there is food that I detest to the point where it's practically a blood-feud.
Sprouts are top of that list. Fuck off sprouts. Fuck all the way off.
3. PEOPLE WHO DEFEND SPROUTS
There's always some little bollocks who decides to spout the old "Ah, you just need to cook them the right way..."
No. Fuck you, you sprout-loving traitor to humanity. You can cook potatoes in a hundred different ways and they're worth eating. Same with eggs. Same with bread. and cheese. If you have to be a frigging alchemist to make sprouts edible then it's not worth the effort.
Also, if you love sprouts then you are my enemy and I despise you.
4. THIS FRIGGING HEATWAVE
I don't like hot weather. I particularly don't like the part where I nip round to the shops and when I get home my t-shirt is wringing wet. When did the UK become a tropical country? Make it go away.
5. TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS
I don't have a picture for this one so you're going to have to bear with me.
As i understand it, this is the theory that if you let rich twats make as much money as they like, some of that money will "trickle-down" to us plebs.
Doesn't work. Ever.
Nah. what happens is that rich twats grab as much money as they can, hang on to it as much as possible and the only people that money "trickles down to" is politicians and other rich twats. So really more "trickles sideways" Wankers.
Well now I'm even grumpier and hotter than i was before so I'm going to get a cold drink and look at pictures of dogs.
"John Rast went to the Ren Faire looking for a fight. Well. a simulated fight with blunt swords and safety equipment. But when his final opponent turns into a living, fire-breathing dragon John finds himself in the fight of his life. And that's when destiny comes to call."
One reason I still prefer bookshops to online is the simple pleasure of spotting a book on the shelf and thinking "That looks interesting"
I do something similar with comics, DVDs and CDs; I like to think of it as the "Ooh Shiny" method of browsing.
Hence me picking up "Knight Watch" from Southampton's Forbidden Planet. It looked like something I'd enjoy and as it turns out, I did.
The idea of a newb stumbling into a hidden world of fantasy isn't new and it isn't even the first book where a Ren Faire suddenly gets all real - or the second, if I think about it - but Knight Watch kept me engaged for a couple of sessions and intrigued enough to see what the second book looks like.
To go into a bit more detail, I did appreciate the fact that John doesn't take to his new life by immediately becoming the bestest warrior ever. In fact, it's pointed out that tournament fighting does not translate well to genuinely fighting for your life.
There's some interesting supporting characters, a lot of backstory waiting to be uncovered and a decent amount of action.
Not sure about the attempts at snappy one-liners though. They don't all land well.
Then again, Knight Watch gets plus points for getting the whole story done in one relatively slim volume.
To sum up: Knight Watch may not hit anybody's "Book Of The year" lists but I enjoyed it and I plan to keep an eye out for the sequel.
So yesterday I went and had a look at the Southsea Food Festival, which, as you may guess is a street event with a whole bunch of stalls selling various foods ( plus some stray stalls selling clothes and stuff.)
As it turns out I never actually got round to buying any food because the queues for all the stalls were insane and there was no way I was going to wait in line for twenty minutes to buy a punnet of noodles.
Which is why I ended up buying some books instead. (Surprising nobody who knows me. )
Having said that, a lot of people came down to Southsea to enjoy the sun and the foods so here's the pictures I took.
Kamogawa Yoshiro is a fairly ordinary Japanese teenager with a crush on one of his classmates, embarassing parents and recurring dreams about a mysterious girl who may be his destiny. Who he may also have made a connection with when they were both in the womb.
Anyway one night he's having a wank when a comet passes overhead and the next day he has the ability to hear other people's thoughts.
Meanwhile other people also developed psychic powers and you know right away how that's going to go.
Can Yoshiro and a team of other ESP-wielding misfits save the town from danger? Will Yoshiro ever meet the girl of his destiny? And why are all the girls in town only wearing underwear?
I saw a trailer for this and it looked like exactly the sort of Japanese weirdness I might enjoy.
Weird, yes. Enjoy? Still not entirely sure.
Whether you get on with this film or not depends on how much Japanese-style perviness you can tolerate. Years of anime have left me with quite a high threshold and even then I found myself thinking "Dudes, dial it down a bit."
I think it was the bit where a middle-aged man hands a teenage boy a fleshlight which caused that particular reaction. Or it could have been the bit where one of Yoshiro's team-mates uses his newly discovered teleportation powers to wave his willy at the girls locker room.
The second problem is that at 115 minutes the film is both long but still trying to cram too much in. There's way too many characters for a start. I get that this is based on a manga and the producers wanted to fit all the regulars in but you could easily have dropped a half-dozen - or kept them back for the sequel.
The weird part is, after an hour plus of wanking gags, knob jokes, boob jokes, gratuitous underwear and gratuitous groping you suddenly get a touching scene where Yoshiro has an actual emotional moment with one of the female leads. That doesn't last long.
The Virgin Psychics is an ..interesting viewing experience. I think you have to be in the right mood and willing to roll with the silliness.
Back in 2011 Australian "Wagnerian Metal" band got a lot of attention for their utterly OTT music video for "My Rock", which featured a metal-loving teenager bemoaning the absence of rock before the band magically appear in his bedroom and rock like hurricanes. It really has to be seen to be believed and is exactly the sort of thing I love about Heavy Metal.
After that, the band seem to have ridden off into the outback and vanished.
Until now.
The new video has the band being summoned for a "big gig" except a pair of disgruntled ex-fans want Barbarion DEAD. It is cheerfully daft and may be the only music video in history to feature the magnificent B-36 Peacemaker.
So I was browsing Youtube and while trying to find a Mimi Hagiwara wrestling bout that 1. I hadn't see and 2. had decent video quality I stumbled across an oddity.
In case you don't know who Mimi Hagiwara is, she was a big Women's Wrestling star in the late 70s/ early 80 and has a good claim to being the most gorgeous Joshi Puroresu star of her era.
Not surprisingly Mimi also strayed into other entertainment, releasing some singles and even having a short, highly memorable appearance in Robert Altman's "All The Marbles"
Anyway, back to the point. While Japanese women wrestlers are renowned for working a hard-hitting, fast paced style they also seem to happily adapt to comedy matches against men, which is what we have here. Mimi, along with fellow AJW stars, Noriyo Tateno, Yukari Omori and Jaguar Yokota team up for a 4 on 4 match against a team of comedians.
It gets very silly from the start although I'm happy to say the blokes aren't as gropey as they sometimes get.
After stealing a particularly valuable gemstone Catwoman has now pissed off a particularly powerful international crime syndicate.
Her only option is to team up with Batwoman and try to take the syndicate down first.
The plot really isn't that complicated: heist - chase - reluctant team-up - big fight - Catwoman walks away.
Except for some reason the big fight at the end isn't the big fight at the end.
There's another big fight after that, then a second, then a third and final boss fight. This does seem excessive although if all you wanted to see if Catwoman kicking ass and being playfully quippy then I suppose you''ll be Ok with it.
Me. I felt that somebody wanted to pad the run time a bit and there wasn't enough story to stretch any further.
The animation was done by a Japanese studio which gives the characters a semi-anime makeover. This mostly works except one particular character who is supposed to be menacing just looks like she strayed in from a kids show.
These quibbles aside - and I do have more - Catwoman Hunted is entertaining enough, with decent animation, decent voice-acting and a fun lead character, but not what you'd call essential viewing.
As you may or may not be aware, the Southern UK has been getting hammered by storms the last few days.
Guess where I live?
On Saturday morning I decided to wander down to the Common to see what it looked like and yep, there were now a couple of really, really big puddles. See below for the photos.
This is the first "puddle" next to the Southsea memorial and as you can see, it's a fair size.
To put this into context, for this water to get here, it would have to get up the shoreline, over a three - foot seawall and then across the pavement and a main road. How high were these bloody waves?
A bit further along we have the second "puddle"
Bear in mind this is what the flooding looked like in the morning after the storm. During the night it was apparently a lot wider and deeper. I do know that when I was there there were tidemarks of debris several meters away from the ponds themselves.
It was at this point that I finally realised that coming out without a coat was a bloody stupid idea because the freezing wind was getting downright unpleasant.
On my way home I did pause long enough to take a couple of bonus pics though.
This is the big eye mural just behind Osborne Road.
A closer look so you can see more detail. If anybody knows who this artist is, tell them I am a big fan.
And a smaller scale version closer to ground level.
In thought it was about time I did another Heavy Meal Cover Girls so here we go.
For those of you wondering what that's all about it is quite simple: I post a bunch of album covers that sort of share a theme and try to pretend I'm offering some sort of analysis rather than blatant fanservice.
It shouldn't surprise anybody that Metal bands love putting badass warriors on their album covers and quite a few of them will therefore be female. I have posted a lot of them and will almost certainly post a lot more. Now let's go find some girls who know how to swing a mean broadsword.
Devil Cross - This Mortal Coil (USA/Canada 2021)
There's more metal in her helmet than the rest of her armour combined.
I do like this cover though.
She looks determined to do the shambling undead horror some proper damage.
Devil Cross are old-school Heavy Metal.
Mirrorshield - Tales Of Eremoss 1: The Dragon Huntress (Australia 2021)
Elven barbarian with a rock on a stick vs a gigantic armoured reptile.
Doesn't seem like a fair fight to me but maybe it's magic rock.
Mirrorhield describe themselves as Folk/Power Metal
Septris - Legacy (Switzerland 2019)
I think this means our heroine won but since she's surrounded by fire and spearpoints, she isn't out of danger yet.
Hey, a women warrior actually wearing armour for a change. Rare.
Septris are also Power Metal - a genre which does love fantasy covers.
Sabïre -Gates Ajar EP (Australia 2019)
Whereas this young lady doesn't need armour because she has a Panther.
And a Leopard.
And a Cheetah.
Why she even bothers to carry a sword is beyond me.
I've noticed that this is the same artist as the Devil Cross cover up top and thus far I am very impressed by his work.
On a quick listen Sabire are fast but melodic 80s style metal.
See what you think
Reternity - Facing The Demon (Germany 2019)
And quite clearly planning to stab the demon in the fucking face once it gets a bit closer.
Clever girl.
Reternity apparently go in for big choruses
Note that all these covers are from the last few years.
This is a trope that's not going away any time soon.
Let's finish the same way we started: woman with a bit hat and a big sword.
Frozen Crown - Crowned in Frost (Italy 2019)
Warriors have an irresistible compunction to stand on top of rocks and pose.
Sometimes it gets them into trouble.
Sometimes it just makes them wish they'd worn some nice thick trousers.
So I was lounging around on Sunday afternoon pondering my plans for the day. Would I browse Youtube then have a nap or have a nap then browse Youtube. I briefly contemplated doing some hoovering but then a much better idea struck me. "Why don't I go find that bloody dinosaur?"
Let me explain.
Back in 2010 local art gallery Aspex installed an art piece on Southsea Common. A statue of a dinosaur. A big statue.
Since I've always been a fan of art in the wild and also a fan of dinosaurs, naturally I loved it.
I am always in favour of anything which makes the everyday world a little bit more interesting. This is definitely not something you'd see on most public commons, is it?
It didn't last.
Not along afterwards the Southsea Dinosaur went up in flames. Officially an electrical fault but I can't help thinking a gaggle of chavs with lighters may have been involved.
Then late last year it was announced that Aspex were installing a new Southsea dinosaur and I was rather pleased. Every time the bus went past the common I was peering eagerly out of the windows hoping to spot the Southsea Sauropod reborn. "Weird, I thought. A big dinosaur should be easier to spot than this."
It turns out that the new statue was more of a statuette - a small scale reproduction of the original piece. I deflated a little but still wanted to check it out, so had a couple of trips down to the Common to see if I could find it. Nope.
Then this Sunday I finally managed to narrow down the location, thanks to staring at the press photo trying to match up landmarks in the background.
So here it is.
Here's one with Sigismund to show scale.
I still think they should have made it the same size as the original but you know what, Southsea has a little model dinosaur on the Common and how many seaside towns can say the same?
Forty years ago the demonologist Black Herron and her army of evil was on the verge of conquering the world - until she walked away.
Now Black Herron has to save her home from a ruthless army, of religious fanatics and she is going to need her old generals back at her side.
The Necromancer
The War God
The Pirate Queen
The Vampire Lord
The Orc Chieftain
The Mad Alchemist
They may be able to stop an army. If they don't kill her first.
I was sold as soon as I saw the title and who wouldn't be?
It is an intriguing take on the old Magnificent Seven idea - seven heroes come to save a defenceless village - although as you can gather, "Heroes" is really not the right word. I'm not even sure if you could call them anti-heroes because Black Herron and her crew are a brutal lot. Definitely a case of fighting evil with evil.
Having said all that, this was an entertaining read that manages to get the entire thing told in one decent-sized book, with space for memorable, developed characters, bloody fighting and some very, very dark humour.
Not for the squeamish or people who like a clear division between "Good guys" and "Bad guys" but definitely worth checking out.
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