In which a guy old enough to know better talks about...stuff.
Including, but not necessarily limited to: Wrestling, Metal, Anime, Books, Comics, Cartoons, Stuff that pisses me off, AOR and songs with "Metal" in the title.
As you may or may not be aware, the Southern UK has been getting hammered by storms the last few days.
Guess where I live?
On Saturday morning I decided to wander down to the Common to see what it looked like and yep, there were now a couple of really, really big puddles. See below for the photos.
This is the first "puddle" next to the Southsea memorial and as you can see, it's a fair size.
To put this into context, for this water to get here, it would have to get up the shoreline, over a three - foot seawall and then across the pavement and a main road. How high were these bloody waves?
A bit further along we have the second "puddle"
Bear in mind this is what the flooding looked like in the morning after the storm. During the night it was apparently a lot wider and deeper. I do know that when I was there there were tidemarks of debris several meters away from the ponds themselves.
It was at this point that I finally realised that coming out without a coat was a bloody stupid idea because the freezing wind was getting downright unpleasant.
On my way home I did pause long enough to take a couple of bonus pics though.
This is the big eye mural just behind Osborne Road.
A closer look so you can see more detail. If anybody knows who this artist is, tell them I am a big fan.
And a smaller scale version closer to ground level.
Hello and welcome to another entry in Heavy Metal Cover Girls; a series where I post a bunch of album covers with attractive women front and centre and try to come up with something intelligent about each one. Or just get snarky. Whatever.
Angels are a popular theme for Rock/Metal album covers as evidenced by the number of times I've posted them. Sometimes they are used as a symbol of purity and sometimes in their Old Testament role as God's legbreakers. Interestingly male angels are more often the latter, as far as I can tell. I'm sure theres a discussion worth having but that's a job for somebody else.
Don't even get me started on that "Biblically Accurate Angels" meme that popped up recently. Just going to NOPE right past that and pretend I didn't see anything.
What we will be talking about today is a particular subset of Angels: the ones with Black Wings who are very definitely not the warm, protective sort. As we shall see, these are Angels who are happy to walk on the dark side.
Anthology - The Prophecy (Slovakia 2014)
I wonder what the Prophecy actually is?
Anthology - Angel's Revenge (Slovakia 2016)
I see now. The Prophecy was " An angel is going to lose her skirt, get mad and slaughter a whole bunch of dudes."
Adrian Barilari - InfieRock (Argentina 2019)
I think this is an Ex-Angel because I am pretty sure those are horns.
Kinda cute though. In a scary way.
Black & Damned - Heavenly Creatures (Germany 2021)
Angels have never understood the concept of "Excessive Force" which is why getting them to chase up parking tickets never goes well.
Let's give the band a plug, shall we?
Another new album
Boudreaux - Fallen Angel (USA 2021)
One of the less-threatening fallen angels I've ever posted.
Not interested in setting cities aflame or harvesting souls - just wants to rock and roll all night and party every day.
Only fair to give these guys a plug too.
Chastain - The Reign of Kate (2019)
Tries reading the awkward font.
Decides it can't possibly say "The Reign of KATE"
Turns out that is exactly what it says.
Meanwhile the cover is about an angel who has been summoned to do a bit of dancing.
OK then.
Find me - Dark Angel (Sweden 2015)
Looking a bit serious here. Contemplating whether to get all fire & brimstone on a city, no doubt.
Helestios - Your Pain Tastes Good (UK 2020)
Another awkward font. Cheers guys.
I can't help noticing that she is getting groped by something with tentacles and apparently enjoying it. Consider my eyebrow raised.
Always happy to see new British metal so here's a quick plug.
Letzte Instanz - Schuldig (Germany 2008)
This looks like the sort of comic I'd pick up because of the cover. Probably something about a fallen angel turned bounty hunter while fronting a Gothic band.
Salem -Attrition (UK 2018)
Judgement day, bitches. Get in line for your decapitations.
No kidding, I love this cover.
I just looked the band up and they are (some) of the same band that formed after the legendary Ethel The Frog split in 1980.
Holy crap. I didn't know they'd reformed.
I have to post these guys!
Scarblade - The Cosmic Wrath (Sweden 2016)
Another angelic badass.
How badass is she?
Her fucking hair is ON FIRE.
Sündflut - Teufel, Engel & Dämonen (Germany 2017)
How did I get here and where the bloody hell are all my clothes?
Since I had my scanner out I thought I'd catch up with some stuff I've been meaning to digitise for a while. While i was doing that I happened to look up and saw the poster jsut above my computer desk. "You know what" I mused "I've been threatening to scan this for a while."
It took a bit of doing because the pster was just slightly larger than the scanner knew what to do with and I had a bitch of a job getting the various bits aligned; even then there's some definite glitches if you look closely enough.
Never mind. Here's the infamous Judge Anderson topless pinup from one of the Summer Specials.
In this series I post a load of metal/rock album covers that share a loose theme. One of the things I keep saying is that if an idea has been done once it will be done twice. Now that may be down to the artist going "Hey. I like this cover so how about I do my own version of it." but more often it's because the band & design team want to create a particular mood and there are certain tropes which work really well. There's a reason I've posted so many album covers about angels and warrior women, after all.
Sometimes, though, it is a case of two artists arriving at the same point entirely by coincidence. You'll see what I mean in a minute.
So the theme I'm going with tonight is "Cover Girl + Dark Alley" and right away I know what you're thinking.
Don't worry, I don't post that sort of cover. Now let's take a trip into the back streets and see who we might find.
One thing I do enjoy is bands that try and have some shared elemts across their album covers. Maiden have Eddie, Megadeth had Vic Rattlehead and US melodic rockers Bugzy have... actually we never do get her name. probably not Bugzy though. That would be weird.
I love the fact that these three covers tell a little story.
Bugzy - Plan B (USA 2017)
Oh noes. no tickets left. Our devoted fanisn't going to let that stop her
Bugzy - Centre of Attraction (USA - 2018)
Sadly the attempt to sneak in by the backdoor is busted. Damn, that place has serious security.
Bugzy - She's the One (USA 2018)
The band take pity on our gorgeous redhead, probably because she's a gorgeous redhead, and not only
let her in but get Red to model for their next album cover. I love a happy ending.
Nocny Kochanek - Hewi Metal (Poland 2015)
We seem to have stryed into a couple having a cute moment. Not sure why they're having it in a filthy alley but whatever.
Let's leave them alone and move on.
Slam Alley - 21 Fire (USA 2009)
Why are you wearing a bikini/ This isn't even a beach. The beach is miles away. Also, it's midnight. Put some clothes on before you freeze to death.
Rumble Syndicate - Face Down Bottoms Up
Huh. Forensic scientists didn't look like this in my day. Shouldn't she be wearing gloves or something?
Murder District -Дерись! EP (Russia 2016)
Here's a tip for would-be muggers, gangsters and other degenerates...
if the girl you ambush starts smiling like this then back away slowly and possibly consider taking up a new line of work.
Go see if the Post Office is hiring.
Or get you teeth kicked out. see if I care.
(Actually, is it just me or does she look a bit like a young Cynthia Rothrock? )
Remember I was talking about "if an idea has been done once it will be done twice."
Here's a perfect illustration of that.
We have a very specific set of elements and yet two completely different artists have hit on the same formula independently. I think that's fascinating.
I'm going to take a guess at the reasoning and I think it goes like this:
"We're a thrash band so we need something violent on the cover and we also want a hot babe
But since violence against women is totally uncool, let's have her be the one killing people!"
Legal Tender - Lust In Demons EP (USA 2013)
Project Pain - Thrashed To Kill (NLD 2015)
So we have two different underdressed axe-murderers roaming the streets.
Now I'm scared.
Can we go home please?
Hope you enjoyed this post and why not go check out the bands?
An ongoing series in which I post a bunch of album covers that share a theme, even if only loosely.
The fact that they all tend to feature underdressed young women is neither here nor there.
Heavy Metal loves badass animals.
Dragons, sharks, lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
But in this edition of HMCG we're looking at an animal that has a complicated relationship with humans. They look like Mans Best Friend but aren't. Sometimes they are depicted as relentless monsters, sometimes clever and sophisticated hunters and represent The Wild in a way that most animals don't. We think they are gorgeous but at the same time, when you're lost in the woods the last thing you want to hear is the howl of a wolf echoing through the trees.
Pergamum - The Promise (Australia 2011)
Here the wolf is definitely on the sinister side. The deliberate allusion to Red Riding Hood suggests the promise in question is "I will eat your spleen."
Bad Ambition - Daydream (Italy 2000)
"Don't mind me. I'm just chilling here in my leather bikini with some local wildlife."
Meanwhile the head wolf is like "Who are you even talking to?"
Preludium Fury - Kingdom of Hope (USA 2020)
Admittedly her wolf-fur cape initially made things awkward but the pair grew past that to become friends.
Lovebites - Awakening from Abyss (Japan 2017)
Human woman and giant-ass wolf are also on good terms in this cover. The wolf isn't quite sure how that happened or why everything is on fire. Something tells me it's not the wolf you need to watch out for.
Icri's Witch - In for The Kill (USA 1996)
Wolves definitely not friendly in this one. Well not to anybody who isn't a witch, anyway.
Heavy Metal Cover Girls is a very occasional series where I post album covers
that share a theme and try to say something almost intelligent about them.
That said covers all feature at least one attractive young woman in minimal clothing is entirely coincidental.
Some stories have such a strong hold on our memories that you only need a few visual clues and you can tell where the rest of the story is going; or at least up until the final twist. Case in point: Give a young woman a brief red cape, stick her in the woods and right away you can almost here the sinister strings and a faith sound of something breathing in the bushes.
As with a lot of these covers I've posted, the imagery is a deliberate attempt to evoke a certain response. This can then be subverted, played for laughs or run as a one panel horror story depending on what the band asked for.
The theme is Red Riding Hood and not only are there multiple album covers using this image, there are several different ways to get young Red to Granny's house.
Xiphea - Once Upon a Time (Germany 2016)
Red is surprised to discover that Granny has apparently upgraded to a Schloss.
Red is now wondering why she's lugging this basket of food when Granny has an entire castle full of servants paid to do shit like this.
Xiphea are female fronted Symphonic metal
American Dog - Unfinished Business. (USA 2017)
Poor wolf never knew what hit him.
Red has been away in the city and what she learned there is the power of a low-cut blouse and a well-swung bat.
American Dog are a rough-edged, bluesy hard Rock band from Ohio.
Lupu' Cel Rău - Povești Din Pădurea De Metal (Romania 2016)
Somehow I don't think it was the wolf stalking the girl here.
She looks entirely too happy and I wouldn't be surprised if Granny's house is surrounded by impaled heads on spikes.
I don't get to hear that many Romanian metal bands, especially ones that have songs in Romanian.
Definitely on the melodic side of Metal.
Interesting.
Ivory Twilight - Седем ("Seven") (Bulgaria 2013)
Here Red has lost the path entirely and strayed into a Salvador Dali painting.
(Yeah... I'm stretching a bit with some of these. I admit it. )
Metal Archives describe Ivory Twilight as Symphonic Power Metal
and one of these days I'll find somebody to explain what that is to me.
Righteous Vendetta - Cursed. (USA 2017)
Red Riding Hood walked into the woods to visit Granny.
Somebody...something... else came back.
Righteous Vendetta are Metalcore which, looking at the album cover, surprised me a lot.
So this next cover isn't metal by any stretch of the imagination but it fits the theme and also has an interesting take on it.
Cattac - Little Red (Germany 2018)
It took me a while to work out what was wrong with this picture.
I knew something was off but couldn't put my finger on it.
Eventually I managed to work past the boobs and down to the legs.
Or lack of.
This isn't Red riding Hood.
This is a mannequin of Red Riding Hood which adds an extra layer of meaning.
What that meaning is, you'll have to ask the band.
Cattac are difficult to describe. Not Metal or even rock but more
dark electronic Gothic music.
I can see pale girls in a dark - really dark- club loving this.
I've been a bit fed up lately but I think I know what will cheer me up and hope fully make your world a little bit shinier. Attractive women in impractical armour wielding swords. Possibly while riding animals that no sane person would even go near.
Yep. It's time to dust off the Heavy Metal Cover Girls tag. It's been a while, hasn't it?
Once again I'm going with the theme "Warrior Women" because as it turns out, lots of people like the idea of sexy female warriors and lots of them are in metal bands. Luis Royo alone must have made a few bob out of CD cases.
Smoulder - Times Of Obscene Evil And Wild Daring (USA 2019)
This is one of those covers that makes you wonder at the story being told.
A beautiful but fierce woman brandishing a sword that apparently cuts reality menaces a tied up man .
Why is she so mad at him?
And why is the horse terrified of a wall?
Mjolnir - Whispering Sorcery (NL 2000)
I though Valkyries were generally more solidly built and wore winged hats.
I bet she can't even sing soprano.
Having said that, if this young lady turned up to collect your soul would anybody object?
"I'm ready to be taken to Valhalla now."
"But you're..y'know..not actually dead. Also you're a baker."
"Gimme five minutes. Just off to punch that berserker in the dick."
Beast In Black - From Hell With Love (Finland 2019)
Your definition of Love is a lot different from mine.
Claymorean - Unbroken (Serbia 2015)
The Dark Lord's favourite general celebrates another victory.
The Dark Lord's general is now looking forward to a nice hot bath to wash away the stink of blood and winged hellbeast.
They look metal as fuck but their fur brings her out in a rash.
Europica - Part One Hungary (2017)
I've decided that the blonde in the white dress is some sort of Goddess, which is why she's riding a white, Aurochs.
Is it just me or does that Aurochs look very pleased with himself?
He clearly thinks he's the star of this picture and ya know what - I think he's right.
Booxe Control - The Lizard Rider (Germany 2016)
Oh come on. using a frigging Assault rifle is just cheating.
Let me know if there's any themes you want to see and I'll see what i can do.
The D-Day and VE-Day events have been and gone but - at least for the moment - the vents from earlier this year left Portsmouth dockyard with a couple of extra attractions.
The first is easily the less obvious, being a WW2 vintage Amphibious truck: the famous DUKW which is currently parked up outside the entrance to the Naval Museum.
Some vehicles have a charm to them and you somehow end up with a warm feeling about a piece of machinery. That's definitely the case here. I've had a soft spot for the DUKW ever since I was a kid.
Did they come in different sizes because I'm sure this is smaller than the one I saw on Southsea Common back in June.
When I was there the DUKW had some women in Land Girl outfits stood next to it chatting to tourists so maybe I should have asked one of them what the hell this bit was for.
It's clearly there to do something, I just can't figure out what that might be. Something to do with the water-drive?
Another view from the opposite side.
The other attraction is more noticeable in the sense that helicopter pilots could use it as a landmark.
You may have seen the famous VJ-Day photo of a US sailor delivering a powerful kiss to an unsuspecting nurse.
It's been parodied in Night At The Museum 2 and Watchmen so even if you haven't seen this photo, part of your backbrain recognises it from somewhere.
Well, somebody made a statue of that and put said statue in Portsmouth Dockyard right next to the HMS Victory.
It's really well done and i kinda like it. It's also pretty big. The photo above doesn't show you the scale so how about a wider angle?
That's the Mary Rose Museum in the background and this is taller than the building. Like I said this is a big statue and must be 3-4 times taller than I am.
Hopefully it will stick around for a bit because I'm all in favour of statues with a bit of charm and fun to them.
