Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Gorgons and Lamias

 Hello and welcome to another edition of "Heavy Metal Cover Girls"; an occasional series where I put up album covers from metal & rock acts sharing a loose theme as well as the female form. 

 What I have said many times across this series is that there are certain themes that pop up time and again. Warrior women are always popular, as are angels, demons and close-ups of buttocks. (see previous posts for more details) All of which makes sense for Metal bands. 

 What also makes sense is for bands to have a fascination with the tragic figure of Medusa. A beautiful woman cursed by cruel gods to become a monster.  How hideous the monster is, depends entirely on the artist and band. Interestingly, the gorgons on these covers are never presented as victims. 

 I also had a few covers where the woman/snake combination is built differently: Lamias are part woman, part snake and, here anyway, always gorgeous. "What the hell" I thought "Let's throw them in as well."

 Let's go in and meet these ladies. 
Remember not to look them in the eye. 

HEARTSCORE - MEDUSA'S HEAD (GERMANY 2021)

  Medusa looking contemplative here.  I am relieved to see that Medusa's head is still attached to the rest of Medusa here.  

Heavy Metal Cover Girls - Actually Wearing Armour

 Hello and welcome to another edition of Heavy Metal Cover Girls. 

 There's a very good reason why I keep posting album covers with women warriors on them. Heavy metal artists have created lot and lot of them. At this point I think I've done six posts and I could easily do another ten more. 

 

 But today I fancied doing something a bit different. Out of all the pics I have saved, amongst all the chain-mail bikinis and topless amazons, how many of these women are actually wearing proper armour. 

 I found six 

Ok then, let's dive in, shall we?

Fiona - Greatest Hits (USA 2009)

This one is cheating a bit because somebody just recycled a bit of Dragonlance artwork.

It's also an odd choice for an artist who has no fantasy influences in her music whatsoever.  

Savage Grace - Sign of the Cross (USA 2023)

Not wearing a helmet but to be honest, I don't know how she'd get all that hair under a bascinet anyway. 

The rest of the harness seems pretty realistic though. 

 I do want to know the story with the bloody guy at her feet. 

Friend? Enemy? 

Is she offering the late rites or telling him "I told you I'd get my revenge."

Scythia - Lineage (Canada 2016)

 In a rare example, she is wearing more armour than he is and look how that worked out.

Simacota - Suando El Silencio Se Rompe  (Colombia 2017)

Why are none of them wearing a damn helmet? 

Anyway, a nice samurai-influenced rig that protects most of the important bits and the 

designer has resisted the urge  to add a boob-window, boob plates or massive shoulderpads. 

I approve. 

A Sound of Thunder - Only One Can Rule EP ( USA 2024)

I guess she couldn't find a helmet that fit her horns.

I also feel those spikes on her should plates are more a menace to her than the enemy.

Minor Quibbles.  

This last one is stretching it a bit but I want to emphasise something here.

Even though her armour is apparently put together from bits found in the bin,

she is still wearing more armour than normal.  

Soleil Moon - Warrior (USA 2019)

 You're not wearing any padding so that's gonna chafe you to buggery. 

Maybe once you kill that wizard, you can upgrade to some leg armour too. 

For those of you missing the chainmail bikinis, normal (fan)service will be resumed next time I do one of these. 

Or I might post Gorgons instead. We shall see how I feel. 

That's All Folks

This Schnapps advert is totally metal

 I'm a sucker for a beautiful warrior-woman. So when I stumbled across this old Schanpps advert, I had to put it on here. It really ought to be on a metal album cover - a band that loves USPM circa 1986 and thinks that needs to be a thing again.

 Whoever she's charging at is about to have a really bad day

Heavy Metal Cover Girls- With Arms Wide Open

 Hello everybody

 Sorry I haven't been posting much lately but remember that time Blogger deleted my blog and when I finally got it back, all my daily pageviews were in the toilet? Well,  turns out that dented my enthusiasm a bit.

 But I promised myself I'd be a bit more active this week so here we go with another episode of Heavy Metal Cover Girls. If you haven't seen any of these before  then the idea is this: I post a collection of Metal/Rock album covers linked by a loose theme and try to say something about each one. Don't expect in-depth analysis, more like shallow snarking and blatant fanservice.  

So what's the theme today?  

Since the weather is really good at the moment, my original plan was to go with "Cover Girls enjoying the sunshine"  Turns out that there are surprisingly few of those in Heavy Metal  but I did find something else I've never done before.  

 What I'm doing this time around is "Cover girls with their arms outstretched to the side". Call it T-Posing, call it the Jesus Christ Pose call it the "Whee, I'm an airplane" pose, there's different reasons to throw the arms open wide. Hopefully deodorant has been applied beforehand. 

 Dark Sarah - My Name is Luna (Single? Finland 2020)

A basic T-pose to start off with. 

I quickly found out that there's lots of variations.

Heavy Metal Cover Girls - In Wimples

 Hello and welcome to another edition of Heavy Metal Cover Girls; a series where I post Rock/Metal album covers linked by a theme and then attempt to say something interesting about each one. 

 Or at least something better than "BOOBS!" anyway.

Nuns are on more metal album covers than you would think.  At first sight the combination of  a music form known for being anti-religious and women known for devoting themselves to Christ is an odd one.

 Then again, as we shall see, these nuns have taken a walk on the wild side. 

Lorihen - Bajo La Cruz (Argentina 2007)

Let's be charitable and pretend she's looking up at the altar with religious devotion.

Moving on. 

Bongtower - Altered States (Russia 2019)

I think this is a metaphor for the constant struggle to remain on the right path in the face of temptation and peer pressure. 

 Or a Stoner band wanted to see nuns getting baked. 

 

Waddya know, nuns and booze are on the next one too. 

Junkyard Drive - Sin And Tonic (Denmark 2017)

 You can just tell what this band sound like from the cover alone.  Which means it's done its job, I guess.

 

  I'm beginning to suspect some of these women aren't really nuns at all...

Knighthood - Bad Habits (UK 2014)

Oops sorry, wrong church. We were looking for St. Judes. They're having a bake sale today.

You aren't having bake sale, by any chance?

No?

OK then, we'll just be leaving. Sorry for interrupting.

At this point we're beyond "nuns behaving badly" and reached "nuns going into Ken Russell territory."

Darkest Sins - S/T (Norway 2012)

Whatever is going on here, it's heavily implied that the nun is enjoying herself.
Each to their own 

Burdel King  -  Si Dios Esta en Todas Partes... Fuego a Discreción!   (Spain 2016)

Well this isn't St. Judes either.

We're looking for the bake sale...

No we aren't naughty and need spanking.

We just wanted a nice sponge cake.

No that isn't a code for anything!

BYEEE!

Besatt - Impia Symphonia EP (Poland 2015)

BOOBS!

And that's all folks

Heavy Metal Cover Girls: Warrior Women 2022

 In thought it was about time I did another Heavy Meal Cover Girls so here we go.

  For those of you wondering what that's all about it is quite simple: I post a bunch of album covers that sort of share a theme and try to pretend I'm offering some sort of analysis rather than blatant fanservice. 

  It shouldn't surprise anybody that Metal bands love putting badass warriors on their album covers and quite a few of them will therefore be  female.  I have posted a lot of them and will almost certainly post a lot more.  Now let's go find some girls who know how to swing a mean broadsword. 

 Devil Cross - This Mortal Coil (USA/Canada 2021)

 There's more metal in her helmet than the rest of her armour combined.

I do like this cover though. 

She looks determined to do the shambling undead horror some proper damage. 

Devil Cross are old-school Heavy Metal.

Mirrorshield - Tales Of Eremoss 1: The Dragon Huntress (Australia 2021)

Elven barbarian with a rock on a stick vs a gigantic armoured reptile. 

Doesn't seem like a fair fight to me but maybe it's magic rock.

Mirrorhield describe themselves as Folk/Power Metal

Septris - Legacy (Switzerland 2019)

I think this means our heroine won but since she's surrounded by fire and spearpoints, she isn't out of danger yet. 

Hey, a women warrior actually wearing armour for a change. Rare. 

Septris are also Power Metal - a genre which does love fantasy covers. 

Sabïre -Gates Ajar  EP  (Australia 2019)

 Whereas this young lady doesn't need armour because she has a Panther. 

And a Leopard. 

And a Cheetah. 

 Why she even bothers to carry a sword is beyond me. 

I've noticed that this is the same artist as the Devil Cross cover up top and thus far I am very impressed by his work.

On a quick listen Sabire are fast but melodic 80s style metal. 

See what you think

Reternity - Facing The Demon  (Germany 2019)

 And quite clearly planning to stab the demon in the fucking face once it gets a bit closer. 

Clever girl. 

Reternity apparently go in for big choruses

Note that all these covers are from the last few years. 

This is a trope that's not going away any time soon. 

Let's finish the same way we started: woman with a bit hat and a big sword. 

Frozen Crown - Crowned in Frost (Italy 2019)

Warriors have an irresistible compunction to stand on top of rocks and pose. 

Sometimes it gets them into trouble. 

Sometimes it just makes them wish they'd worn some nice thick trousers. 

Frozen Crown are another Power Metal band.

That's All Folks. 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls - Angels With Black Wings

 Hello and welcome to another entry in Heavy Metal Cover Girls; a series where I post a bunch of album covers with attractive women front and centre and try to come up with something intelligent about each one. Or just get snarky. Whatever.  

 Angels are a popular theme for Rock/Metal album covers as evidenced by the number of times I've posted them. Sometimes they are used as a symbol of purity and sometimes in their Old Testament role as God's legbreakers.  Interestingly male angels are more often the latter, as far as I can tell. I'm sure theres a discussion worth having but that's a job for somebody else. 

 Don't even get me started on that  "Biblically Accurate Angels" meme that popped up recently. Just going to NOPE right past that and pretend I didn't see anything. 

 What we will be talking about today is a particular subset of Angels: the ones with Black Wings who are very definitely not the warm, protective sort. As we shall see, these are Angels who are happy to walk on the dark side. 

Anthology - The Prophecy (Slovakia 2014)

 I wonder what the Prophecy actually is? 

Anthology - Angel's Revenge (Slovakia 2016)

I see now. The Prophecy was " An angel is going to lose her skirt, get mad and slaughter a whole bunch of dudes."

  Adrian Barilari - InfieRock (Argentina 2019)

 I think this is an Ex-Angel because I am pretty sure those are horns. 

Kinda cute though.  In a scary way. 

 

Black & Damned - Heavenly Creatures (Germany 2021)

 Angels have never understood the concept of "Excessive Force" which is why getting them to chase up parking tickets never goes well. 

Let's give the band a plug, shall we?

Another new album 

Boudreaux - Fallen Angel (USA 2021)

One of the less-threatening fallen angels I've ever posted. 

Not interested in setting cities aflame or harvesting souls - just wants to rock and roll all night and party every day. 

Only fair to give these guys a plug too. 

Chastain - The Reign of Kate (2019)

 Tries reading the awkward font.

Decides it can't possibly say "The Reign of KATE"

Turns out that is exactly what it says.

Meanwhile the cover is about an angel who has been summoned to do a bit of dancing. 

OK then. 

Find me - Dark Angel (Sweden 2015)

 Looking a bit serious here. Contemplating whether to get all fire & brimstone on a city, no doubt.

Helestios - Your Pain Tastes Good (UK 2020)

 Another awkward font. Cheers guys. 

I can't help noticing that she is getting groped by something with tentacles and apparently enjoying it.  Consider my eyebrow raised. 

Always happy to see new British metal so here's a quick plug.

Letzte Instanz - Schuldig (Germany 2008)

 This looks like the sort of comic I'd pick up because of the cover. Probably something about a fallen angel turned bounty hunter while fronting a Gothic band. 

Salem -Attrition (UK 2018)

 Judgement day, bitches. Get in line for your decapitations. 

No kidding, I love this cover. 

I just looked the band up and they are (some) of the same band that formed after the legendary Ethel The Frog split in 1980. 

Holy crap. I didn't know they'd reformed.

I have to post these guys!

  

Scarblade - The Cosmic Wrath (Sweden 2016)

 Another angelic badass.

 How badass is she? 

Her fucking hair is ON FIRE. 

Sündflut - Teufel, Engel & Dämonen (Germany 2017)

 How did I get here and where the bloody hell are all my clothes? 

That's All folks. 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls...Up A Dark Alley

 In this series I post a load of metal/rock album covers that share a loose theme. One of the things I keep saying is that if an idea has been done once it will be done twice. Now that may be down to the artist going "Hey. I like this cover so how about I do my own version of it." but more often it's because the band & design team want to create a particular mood and there are certain tropes which work really well. There's a reason I've posted so many album covers about angels and warrior women, after all. 

  Sometimes, though, it is a case of two artists arriving at the same point entirely by coincidence.  You'll see what I mean in a minute. 

So the theme I'm going with tonight is "Cover Girl + Dark Alley" and right away I know what you're thinking.

Don't worry, I don't post that sort of cover.  Now let's take a trip into the back streets and see who we might find. 

One thing I do enjoy is bands that try and have some shared elemts across their album covers. Maiden have Eddie, Megadeth had Vic Rattlehead and US melodic rockers Bugzy have... actually we never do get her name.  probably not Bugzy though. That would be weird. 

 I love the fact that these three covers tell a little story.

 Bugzy - Plan B (USA 2017)

 Oh noes. no tickets left. Our devoted fanisn't going to let that stop her

 Bugzy - Centre of Attraction (USA - 2018)

 

 

Sadly the attempt to sneak in by the backdoor is busted.
Damn, that place has serious security.

Bugzy - She's the One (USA 2018)

 The band take pity on our gorgeous redhead, probably because she's a gorgeous redhead, and not only

 let her in but get Red to model for their next album cover. I love a happy ending. 

 

Nocny Kochanek - Hewi Metal (Poland 2015)

 We seem to have stryed into a couple having a cute moment. Not sure why they're having it in a filthy alley but whatever.

 Let's leave them alone and move on. 

 

Slam Alley - 21 Fire (USA 2009)

 Why are you wearing a bikini/ This isn't even a beach. The beach is miles away. Also, it's midnight.  Put some clothes on before you freeze to death. 

 

Rumble Syndicate - Face Down Bottoms Up

 Huh. Forensic scientists didn't look like this in my day. Shouldn't she be wearing gloves or something? 

Murder District -Дерись! EP (Russia 2016)

 Here's a tip for would-be muggers, gangsters and other degenerates...

if the girl you ambush starts smiling like this then back away slowly and possibly consider taking up a new line of work.  

 Go see if the Post Office is hiring. 

Or get you teeth kicked out. see if I care. 

(Actually, is it just me or does she look a bit like a young Cynthia Rothrock? )

 

Remember I was talking about "if an idea has been done once it will be done twice."

Here's a perfect illustration of that.  

We have a very specific set of elements and yet two completely different artists have hit on the same formula independently.  I think that's fascinating.

I'm going to take a guess at the reasoning and I think it goes like this:

"We're a thrash band so we need something violent on the cover and we also want a hot babe

But since violence against women is totally uncool, let's have her be the one killing people!"

Legal Tender - Lust In Demons EP (USA 2013)

 

 

Project Pain - Thrashed To Kill (NLD 2015)

So we have two different underdressed axe-murderers roaming the streets. 

Now I'm scared.

Can we go home please? 

Hope you enjoyed this post and why not go check out the bands?

 

THAT'S ALL FOLKS. 

 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls... And Wolves

 An ongoing series in which I post a bunch of album covers that share a theme, even if only loosely.

The fact that they all tend to feature underdressed young women  is neither here nor there.  

 

Heavy Metal loves badass animals.

Dragons, sharks, lions and tigers and bears, oh my. 

  But in this edition of HMCG we're looking at an animal that has a complicated relationship with humans. They look like Mans Best Friend but aren't. Sometimes they are depicted as relentless monsters, sometimes clever and sophisticated hunters and represent The Wild in a way that most animals don't.   We think they are gorgeous but at the same time, when you're lost in the woods the last thing you want to hear is the howl of a wolf echoing through the trees.  

 

  Pergamum - The Promise (Australia 2011)

 Here the wolf is definitely on the sinister side. The deliberate allusion to Red Riding Hood suggests the promise in question is "I will eat your spleen."

 

Bad Ambition - Daydream (Italy 2000)

                             "Don't mind me. I'm just chilling here in my leather bikini with some local wildlife."

                                        Meanwhile the head wolf is like "Who are you even talking to?"  

 

Preludium Fury - Kingdom of Hope (USA 2020)

Admittedly her wolf-fur cape initially made things awkward but the pair grew past that to become friends. 

Lovebites - Awakening from Abyss (Japan 2017)

Human woman and giant-ass wolf are also on good terms in this cover. The wolf isn't quite sure how that happened or why everything is on fire.  Something tells me it's not the wolf you need to watch out for. 

Icri's Witch - In for The Kill (USA 1996)

          Wolves definitely not friendly in this one. Well not to anybody who isn't a witch, anyway.

                   I think we'd better run away now.   

 

  That's All folks.

 

Heavy Metal Cover Girls - Gone Wrong

 Ihaven't done a Cover Girls post in a while - not since March, in fact - and since my album folder is bulging at the seams, I thought I'd better rattle one off quick. However this will not be the usual format; which is where I post a bunch of covers on a theme and attempt to be witty. 

 

No, the only things connecting  these covers are that 1. they have a woman on it and 2. they could easily feature on Terrible Metal Album Covers instead. This might be down to a dodgy theme, poor composition or a general lack of artistic...anything.   See what you think. 

Ted Nugent - Love Grenade (USA 2007)

Ok, so the artist can draw but while this might be an attempt at a "playful" old-fashioned pinup, it just comes across as tacky. 

Perpetual Rage - Empress Of The Cold Stars (Finland 2017)

You can sort of see what they were going for - an Indie comics vibe - but don't quite pull it off. 

The next band are more prog than metal but while I'm here...

Forest Field - Angels (NLD 2015)

Whereas this one is trying for an anime style and while it would look great on a hentai, is it really doing the band any favours? 

 

 

Hungry Wolf - Metal Bitch (Russia 2015)

What the fuck is wrong with her neck?!

And finally

Zardoz - Bombastic Plastic EP (Germany 1998)

Words fail me.

Remember that bad cover does not equal bad band

 

That's All Folks